Response from North Carolina Senator Trudy Wade’s Office, district 27, Guilford County

From: Sen. Trudy Wade Sent: ‎Monday‎, ‎December‎ ‎30‎, ‎2013 ‎10‎:‎01‎ ‎AM To: thecreatordeems@gmail.com
 12/30/13
 
Good Morning Rochelle,
We have reached out to the Governor’s Clemency Office regarding your grievances. They have forwarded a copy of your email to the Division of Prisons regarding your husband’s medical condition. We also brought this to the attention of the Sheriff’s Dept. and they have researched this matter.
The Clemency Office reports that  since the Innocence Clinic at Duke is looking into your husband’s case, you cannot open a request for clemency until that matter has been resolved.  The Duke Clinic has an record excellent of getting wrongful convictions brought back into court or before the Innocence Commission.
Please let us know if we can be of further assistance.
Kind Regards,
Kathy Kathy Hartsell Legislative Assistant Office of Senator Trudy Wade District 27 – Guilford County
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Ready to take a stand against CPS in North Carolina

Hello, all.
Rochelle here.
I would like to give you an update on where I stand on this.
There is deep anger inside of me at being failed by a system sworn to protect its citizens, where people are supposed to be innocent until proven guilty, and where there is liberty and justice for all. That is far from the truth, and it is happening right under your noses.
Because of my strong faith in a loving God, and an understanding of the purpose of suffering in the lives of humans, I continue on.

After one year of extreme suffering over the loss of my family, my step-children, the trauma induced on my own two children, and the destruction of both my and my husband’s good name, Daniel and I discussed a divorce, for many reasons relating to his more or less life sentencing. After five months of further deliberations and much sadness, we wrote it up through the prison system. That did not change my love for him, it actually has strengthened it, as I have had to deal with so many struggles and pain from being abandoned as a single mom with no income or way to survive after what happened. I learned to rely on God, and had to go through the many stages of grief. As my sons come to terms with the abuse by their step-siblings, and the family’s destruction, they are also having to deal with their own loss of self, as my oldest step son abused him as he had been abused at his mother’s home, and we are not sure yet who all was involved in this sad atrocity.

We were not perfect, but we gave everything we had to raising these children, even with all of the trauma and abuse they came into my home with, and then perpetrated on my own children, as well as the manipulation and trauma and abuse I received from them. I understand suffering much better now, and can love these children who are now young adults, in a much more profound way, tempered by love of an unconditional God and through decades of work as a medicine woman, healer, and in working with the abused.

These past four years since the allegations started have been the most crucial, however. I must admit that the suffering, anguish, loss and poor treatment by professional men and women in many arenas, such as car repair, as landlords, teachers, mental hospital workers for my younger son, the prison officials and guards,  the lawyers both for the defense and the state has taught me a great deal. I have become more calm, patient, understanding, gentle and soft spoken.  I am MUCH more aware of the pain of others than I even thought I was capable of as an empath, and I have a much better understanding of how being an adult with autism, Asperger’s  – deeply affects how I view people and the world. I am much more compassionate towards my own boys with autism’s needs, and work harder than ever to be affectionate, aware and an active listener. When they destroy my things, hit me or cry out, “How can you tell me to love them after what they’ve done to us?” I cry and tell them they must understand that someone did these things to them, as well. Understanding a wrong does make it go away, just a little easier to carry through this life.

The biggest gift that I can share with the world is now being free from fear.

I no longer fear the lawyer with the $100k salary who threatened two already frightened and exhausted parents with the world against them. Nor do I fear the CPS director with the same salary, nor the two people below him who were angry, subjective women with a vendetta against men. I have talked to a few people about taking care of my boys, 12 and almost 14, should something ‘accidental’ happen to me. I’m doing my best to prepare whereas I was taken unawares and unprepared, trusting and naive before.

As a result, I am working to learn all I can about how to file a class action law suit, how to do legal research, and get to the truth of how to fight injustice, especially North Carolina, as that is my true home, and where I spent the majority of my life. I love the mountains of NC, and hope to have a permaculture based school there for special needs’ children. I had just started my Masters in Special Ed when this happened in 2009.

So, if you are someone who has truly been abused by CPS, especially men falsely accused in North Carolina, or you do pro-bono work, or know how to find someone who has knowledge of how to fight this system, please email me at chicanogets113years@gmail.com

If you are someone who feels ashamed, sad, hurt or abused by this system, and just want to talk, I am here.

In the meantime, I wrote a formal grievance to CPS in Guilford County two weeks ago, and I am going to start the research for legal retribution for the wrongs they’ve committed, even if I have to represent Daniel and I by myself. I will no longer rest while reading stories of how poor and middle class people’s families are being destroyed to line others’ pocket books. I will start posting segments of this grievance tonight.

Thank you for all who stop by, and for those who pray for all of us.

For those who are spying on me because you are guilty of destroying my family, I pray for you, as well. My God is the judge in the end, and offers a more lasting consequence than any you could lash upon this tired body.

Blessings and love,

Rochelle, Atsila Agisdii, Fire Eater – One who eats the pain of others

I wonder if they miss us

I truly miss our family. Even with all of the problems.

I had a dream last night that I was out of seg and had a visitor.

I entered the busy visitation room with all of the noise and bustle, and looked all around for you.

Then I heard, “Daddy”! I turned around and there she was, even though I knew immediately.

She had that same squeal just as she used to when I came home from work.

It seemed so real to see her, and she had brought a young man with her, as well.

I wonder if she was thinking about me; if she and my other two sons miss all of the things we used to do as a family, all of the trips and soccer games and wrestling with her brothers and riding her horse, the trips to the beach you’d save up for so we could all go, the times we’d drive to the mountains of NC and cut down our own Christmas tree and drink hot cider and spend the night. It all seems so far away and dreamlike, now.

I miss my children, Shel. All of them. Even after all of the trouble, hurt and pain they have caused; they have been through so much. When I would throw them all around in the pool, she would do the same thing.

It is so hard to be in this position, of hurt, anger and love, and then the misery of being here, the alienation of it all. I wonder if the nightmare will ever end.

I got a copy of the two grievances you wrote and posted to each of the administrative emails, as well as the governor today.

I know I have to keep writing these sick calls, and these requests for my long johns, but it feels so hopeless. The requests never go anywhere. I can’t even have a chair, for Pete’s sake. Would that be so hard to do? I am not violent. The throbbing doesn’t ever go fully away, and the pain is still too sharp after I start to stretch or do any exercise. And, now, in addition to all of my clothes I am lying under seven sheets and 2 blankets. I still haven’t gotten any help with the sick call from November 14th. So, they say I must write another request. I filled out another 490 for the long johns.

Well, later they led me out of here in hand cuffs, a belly chain and foot shackles to medical tonight just before 10 p.m. They took my blood pressure through 2 shirt jackets, 3 shirts, and I wonder how accurate that will be! The lead nurse started asking questions about my level of pain, which I said changes depending on whether or not I try to move. All they do is have me to lie down and mash a little around the now closed incision, and tell me that I am fine. They are doing no internal diagnostics.

I couldn’t believe they were doing anything at all, so I asked if they were seeing me because of a letter that had been written on my behalf. Of course they say, ‘no’.  If so, why was I being seen this late at night, and not by the regular day shift? I asked to see my blood work results, but all they say is that it was ‘fine’.  I asked how I could still be this cold, but they never have and answer.

It’s obvious that your calls and letters/emails are making them very uncomfortable. I just want you to know that what you are doing is great. Don’t lose heart…

Good morning. Well, I was taken once more to medical, at 9 a.m. and they wouldn’t allow me to wear my shirt jackets to walk through the prison. Another new, arbitrary rule to keep us confused, I guess. My temperature is again below normal, 97.5. I told the doctor that I still had odd swelling, and he says I could have issues for up to six months. This makes no sense. I told him that it was nothing like this before, and the pain seems to be coming from all over.

I asked him for help with the long johns, as medical has to write them up, and he said there would not be any coming from medical. I looked at the nurse who knew that she had just told you recently that the 490 had to be written from medical and then the doctor said medical was not in the business of handing out thermals. I guess this is retaliation for your writing the medical grievance. Even the CO couldn’t believe it. So, here I am, back in my cell, cold, and there are other inmates with 490s for thermals.

Well, I didn’t get my package so   tried to sleep, but couldn’t. The guys were all opening their food packages, and the ones that didn’t have them were trying to trade with the others.  I received your card and letters. They make me cry. It’s been s hard to be away from you. I have been so emotional. You have been such a blessing.

It tears me up inside

 Matthew 18:19-20 King James Version (KJV) 19 Again I say unto you, That if two of you shall agree on earth as touching any thing that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven. 20 For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.


Matthew 18:19-20
King James Version (KJV)
19 Again I say unto you, That if two of you shall agree on earth as touching any thing that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven.
20 For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.

11/27/13

Are you guys getting snow there? There is only rain here, that I can tell.

I listened to Family Life tonight, and this segment was on a newborn in critical condition.

It tore my heart out, and I praised God for having such healthy children. I don’t think I could handle their struggles.

It takes a strong bond with the Lord to go through such struggles with children involved

and having to walk through such a deep valley knowing you only have such a short time with your baby is unimaginable.

There wouldn’t be a second to waste in those moments, and you won’t have a second chance to nurture or love that child.

Praise God for the length of time he gave me so far with each of my five children! Thank you, God!

I look forward and pray for the next chapter of our lives together. I so hope I can mend this large rift in all of our lives and someday see all of my children again.

I can’t seem to stop crying, and am now listening to ‘Turning Point’. I opened one of Nate’s old letters from 2011 when he was in the hospital after getting so out of control when they falsely imprisoned me. I still feel his pain from that time, and hate I could not be there to help you with the boys. You and they have been through so much turmoil because of all of this. In this letter in September, after being gone for about three weeks; he starts to realize just what he had done with all of the destruction at home. He is like a prodigal son.

We all have to go through these trials, Shel. God takes us on these paths if we stray too far from the right one, and He watches us struggle as we look for handholds, places to put our feet up the rock walls of challenges we create for ourselves. He had to see that without a loving hand to hold, he was too weak to make it in the harsh world by himself. His letter means so much to me, a ten year old fighting and fighting to understand himself and what had happened to him, to us. It has helped me to see that I am helpless without God to guide me.

Without God, all that I do will only be as strong as the flesh that propels me, susceptible to fear and weakness, sickness and it is only through God that great things occur. We are limited in our abilities, while God works through us to make marvelous works! I want to send this back to Nate, so he can be reminded of how frightened he was to be in such a place without love or kindness, full of darkness. Thinking of a ten year old child being locked away from family and friends, without me there to help him; it is a pain that no one should have to endure. Being away from all five of my children and knowing that there was so little for them after my income was no longer a way to provide, that there was no man at home to help make sure things were done, that they were protected…knowing that I could no longer provide for you, Shel, or fix the car when you needed it, or change the flat tires, to drive with you eight hours round trip to see Nate, to help you make the many moves because there was no longer any stability; it tears me up inside.

Nate, Alex; it’s such a lonely place here. No one should have to endure this time of separation. Turn back from your ways of wickedness terrorizing you mother and grandma. You should respect them for all they do to hold things together, instead of hurting them so deeply! Hold your tongues, and you’re language. They care so much for you, and you Nate, have seen the other side. Learn from your mistakes and love each other, too. Be a support where there is so little to give comfort. Turn away from this destructive road. Tell them you love them, and hug them, too.

Know that I am with you. Just look in the mirror. Would you say and do these things if I were there? You will always be a part of me, and me, you. Just as Jesus is the same. Help out more. Do this from your heart. I cherish each and every letter. get, and I just miss you all so much.

God will bring us through all of this. Keep praying..

May God be part of your Every Decision

 I hope you and the readers don’t mind that I just seem to jump from topic to topic. I work so hard to stay focused in here, but it gets so hard at times. I never thought this was going to be as bad it is becoming.  I read the bible, and all of the things you send me, but there’s so little to occupy my time. It would be so great if some folks would write to me. I don’t mind answering any questions, or just corresponding. Will you give them my address?  I enjoy looking at the blog excerpts you send me, and am really surprised that people are reading this. I just do the best I can to get through these days, and to learn all I can so as to be a better person and to make a difference in the world and to help my children heal, as God allows us to reconnect.

Let’s see, today.November 23rd, I’ve been in here 84 days. It has been great to at least hear what is going on in the world through others. The Tarheels won today, 8-20, a football game! Appalachian State also did great 24-0 against WNCU at halftime.

I put in yet another request form for medical to let me have thermals. I just stay cold in here, and with the pain, it is bad. They are the only one who can administer the 490 for them. I just took a shower and feel so much better. I don’t understand why they won’t let us bathe everyday. They have plenty of personnel to do so. I mean, I do understand that it is a form of punishment, but to what end? I’m hungry, and have one more peanut butter and jelly sandwich, so will eat that here at 10 p.m. and write more later…

11/24/13

I was listening to 106.9 and the Christian music has more power than ever before, for some reason. I started crying this morning listening, just raising my hands, swaying back and forth and singing. It was so meaningful to hear God’s word, and to feel His love filling my heart. Without Him, I’d not have the strength to continue. I can do nothing in my own strength. I will fail every time, but realizing this and confessing this to God, believing in his Son will give me true strength and power. This truly lifts my Spirit, which is the power of Jesus in me.

The after affects of this entire incident from August 31 has been horrible. I now see that they’ve added 15, yes 15 years to my sentence because I didn’t want to suffocate in a prison cell, and asked for a CO to do something about the lack of moving air, and they’ve given me 24 points. I will be forced to do almost a year in isolation and continued to be punished for two or three more years afterward!

I still can’t over being so cold…I am in a building and have to wear 3 shirts, 2 shirt jackets, and pants, and my feet are still cold!

I just want to wish you all a wonderful Thanksgiving, and be sure to be thankful for all that you have-there’s always someone out there doing far worse. I will continue to write more of what God is teaching me in my next letters. May God be part of your every decision.

Trust Him, and He will not fail you!

Be Encouraged to see how how far We’ve Come

Repenting helps us stay aligned in times of trouble, before we 'wreck' from poor choices.

Repenting helps us stay aligned in times of trouble, before we ‘wreck’ from poor choices.

You don’t need to expect anything. God will provide if it is truly a door opening for you.

Focus on your healing work only. Praise God for the opportunity to do the work. This will be an exciting time for you to connect with others who are opening to the word of Jesus so long ago, encouraging us to do good works in His name. You have always had a warmness about you that calms people.

It stays so cold in here. Today I’m wearing two pairs of socks, 2 shirts, 2 shirt jackets, and my pants. I can’t seem to get any help requesting long johns.

They brought someone new in to seg today. He said he was just sitting in his chair in the t.v. room and watching t.v. and someone came up behind him and hit him on the side of the head near his eye. He doesn’t even know who hit him. It was most likely someone doing a ‘check off’. Someone owed this guy  some of his package or food and the other didn’t want to share what this one had paid for, so he gets him locked up and this guy can’t get what he had paid the one who hit for. It will be gone before that guy gets out. It is very rough in here.

11/18/13

I am listening to ‘Focus on the Family’, and they are talking about strong willed children. I want you to go to their website and see if any of their materials will help you with the boys, and look for Dr. Leman’s book, “Parenting Your Powerful Child”.

A nurse came to see me today because of my sick call. I asked for a way to purchase vitamins, fish oil, but she said she could only approve it after blood work. I told her that they were supposed to be checking it for low iron, but that no one had. Then she told me to use the canteen, but, of course, in seg we are not allowed to purchase ANY food related items. When she was done this time, she didn’t charge me for the sick call. I was very surprised.

This has to be due to your calls to the prison’s Medical and Assistant Superintendent. They now know that someone is watching them. Praise God!

Well, I didn’t get a Saturday paper, I guess one of the guards got it, courtesy of you, but I did get a Sunday one. The pain comes and goes still, like a nerve that gets hit, but I just deal with it. When it does hit me, it’s rough, though.

The food was better today, but it’s a shame that we can’t even get any ketchup, mustard or mayo. Haven’t had that in months, and it is almost nuts to some, I guess, just how important small things like this become when you have nothing except what another allows you to have.

The nurse came by tonight and told me not to eat anything after midnight because there will be blood drawn.  I listened to the game, so GREAT that the Panthers won, 24-20–Woo woo!! I just wish I could sleep, but the light came on at 5 a.m., with breakfast served at 5:30 a.m. I couldn’t eat it, of course, and they came around to ask about outside rec at 6:30 a.m, and of course the nurse came right after the guard and said 7 a.m. would be the time to draw my blood, so no food or once weekly cage exercise. I waited and waited because she said they would be there, but no one showed up until 8:15 a.m. She said they would only check my platelets. I guess I fasted for nothing if no cholesterol check?

They did bring me the prison hygiene pack which was one use of body wash, their toothpaste, a small deodorant, lotion, and a small toothbrush.

11/21/13

It was so good to see you yesterday. I stay so clouded with these walls closing me down. I’ve decided that nothing will keep me apart from Jesus as a son of God. It is difficult to stay focused on what it is I want to do when I get out of here so that I can fulfill my purpose for enduring the suffering, as well as what I have learned so that I can help others. I just feel like I have to wait for God’s will to be made clear to me. For now, He is still working on me. I still need confidence to be able to go forth and help others, to talk to those I don’t know and do His will through my life.

Be encouraged to see how far we have come. God is working through us both separately. Use what God has brought you, and revealed to you to bring glory to Him. You were correct, dear, when you said my shame from my past hurts in life is holding me back. I have done nothing to be ashamed of, and this pain that I am enduring is for His Glory in His time. Past pains should be laid down as I continue to be strengthened by His words.

Reading Jeremiah has helped me to see my own arrogance, thinking being a good person was mostly what I needed to do to go to Heaven. This was such a misconception.  I was sometimes selfish with my resources, and my time. I had become content with my plans, and not God’s. repentance   means so much more than just to admit one has sinned.

Repentance means to admit to God that you’re not aligned with Him.

People become prideful, though, and think their small sins don’t hurt. But, look at it this way: if your car is out of alignment and you release the steering wheel, it will veer off of the road; sometimes very fast, and it will get worse if you don’t get your wheels realigned, causing you to wreck. Repenting gives us a chance to get realigned, when we stp by the garage, or checking in with God, keeping us safe.

Yes, I miss being beside you

missing-someone11/17/13
Dear Shel,
Losing your wallet was God’s way of telling you to slow down. You can’t hear God’s voice when rushing

all over the place. You seem to find peace when you draw, and God’s gift of art comes through.
Be sure to get some rest. You always get cranky when you don’t. You always possessed so much strength, courage, and persistence. Now, work on consistency and stability. These ‘scars’ have made you stronger and smarter. I’ve never really known you to be afraid. Even as you gave birth to our first child, you just seemed confused as how to get him out! God is by your side, helping you with the task at hand, so gain strength knowing He is there!

No, I haven’t been able to order any food from canteen since September 18, mom’s birthday. What they feed me here in isolation isn’t near enough for a grown man, but I just keep going, doing my best not to think about the hunger pains. I will work on getting more coffee, , but for now have a piece of bread and some applesauce and a few apples for later.

I miss being beside you at night. You would always keep me so warm that I would have to come out of the covers; sometimes you would steal them all…
Yes, I agree that this is such a waste of precious time when we could be together, with our boys, doing things in the world to make a difference. It is also a way, though, for us to cling to each other through these trials, to see the true value of each other as individuals, and as a unit. God works in mysterious ways! We must each learn at our own pace, and God is patient with us. It will work according to his plan!

I ponder hours on our reunion. That’s all I will say. Reading what you write make it so real for me in a place where there is no touching, feeling, smelling or holding another. It makes one become less than human. ..you’ve always been a beautiful woman; I was always proud to be your husband. You have a glow about you. It makes this place seem less cold when you visit, even behind the concrete and glass.