Allow God to work in your life, to be in control…

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1/28/14
I just got another SAT book, this one from Barron’s, but the Black book says these books don’t help much. I think though that this book will help more with the concepts I need to study and get more practice with, mainly because I haven’t done work like this in 20 years. Man, I’m old!

I’m still working out, but my back hurts; I would give anything to see a chiropractor. It is like I have a pinched nerve. I know an adjustment would take care of it. I got my grievance back today, and they said they asked the officers to consider turning off the light at a decent hour from now on, but their excuse is that the inmates need to shave or to move around after 10. But, they should start this earlier in the evening. It’s not like we’re doing anything else, anyway.

You are so beautiful, and I miss you so! You mean so much to my well being! Thank the Lord for your presence in my life. Things will become easier as we learn God’s will for our lives. I love your enthusiasm! You help me keep my excitement up while I focus more on reading and studying more.

The heat issue just can’t get resolved. They won’t repair this heating system, and sometimes it works, and sometimes not. Now that I had to turn in my extra clothes I about have to stay under the covers all day to stay warm with only one pair of socks and a shirt. I’m so afraid of getting sick, and I can only work out for a little while and then sometimes I start to hurt. It has been such a blessing to keep the health I do have. An extra mat to sleep on would sure help my back; heaven forbid I ever get to feel a real mattress again…

1/30/14
Don’t worry so much about the move; you are making too much of it, and not trusting God enough. Bring yourself back to God so he can guide you down the correct path.

I’m not sure about this lawyer either. They should be answering us sooner, but often work on their own time, not our. I’m not disagreeing with you about the investigator either, but remember everyone wants as much money as they can get. Pray about this, and don’t allow others to influence you by getting you all riled up. Calm down and talk to God. I do believe things should be moving quicker, but God is in control, so wait on Him!

2/1/14
Every aspect of our life should be spent thanking God for all He has created. I am so blessed He sent me a friend like you, who takes such good care of our children. It was such a blessing to be allowed to go outside today, around 7:20 a.m. The CO’s didn’t make fun of us as they usually do. Praise God for changing their hearts! It was around 35 degrees, so not too bad, and I got to talk to some of the guys out here today. They let us stay outside for about an hour and a half; my toes were numb, but it was worth it! We should be getting our reviews soon, someone said, and that some of us could be shipped out.

It was so great to get a shower tonight. I didn’t notice the time, but they were sort of rushing everyone, and the shower were finished by 9 p.m. Normally it would be after 10:30, leaving most of us to wait 20 or 30 minute. And, they turned out the lights – Praise God! It is so great to rest without all of the blaring lights.

2/3/2014
Good day, Rochelle. How are things at home? I hope they are well. If not, tell me about it. May God’s peace be with you at home and in your hearts. Every day poses these problems, but each day Jesus gives His love to me to comfort my despair. Sorry for not writing more. I’ve been trying to listen to God more, an staying still. God doesn’t make mistakes, so when are you going to see your worth? You are so valuable for His work on Earth. Kneel down and ask for guidance, for your head to stop spinning. You are not taking enough time for God.
Slow down!
Get off of that computer more, and listen to God! Read His word. I’ve been a very stubborn man, and am finally ready to listen to His guidance and to hear His voice! I had allowed my life experiences to harden my heart, and now the Holy Spirit continues to break the outer man and to see how the world had me in its grip. Allow God to work in your life. When you allow God to be in control, then your life can truly begin.

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I’ve been so lonely, and just gave my heart to the Lord

Sorry, I took a few days off and listened to football games.

Carolina lost, but they played hard for the first half, just seemed to lose focus. We do that, forget to keep our eyes on God.

God has to be centered in all that we do, so that we can truly come to know His power. Once it becomes about ourselves, the God is lost to us. We have to surrender ourselves to God, so that the fight comes through Him. This will be the only way that our truth can be revealed, by how we speak, live our lives, and surrendering to what ‘is’. When we rush things, we hinder God’s plan.

These past few days have been so cold, with the men complaining, but doing nothing in writing. I am amazed by how cold it is for us in here. I miss you so much. I’ve had to wear all of my clothes, and it’s gotten down to 0 degrees in the night.  I hope to get some more coffee in a couple of days to help ease it off a little.

Thank you so much for sharing with me what is going on at home; I so miss being a family. Even the little things about washing dishes with you after you made a mess all over the kitchen from one of your great, home cooked meals, the faces the boys make, their shenanigans, and excuses at bedtime and running all over the house.

I did finally get the new diet today. They kept trying to give me a regular one, but I sent it back. I’m not going to give them something to cancel it for, when I’ve worked so hard to get it! I got some exercise in today, and that helped warm me a little.  No pain today, which is a good sign.

I want you to calm down about the lawyer; I think you’ve scared them, I know how you can be. Be patient, I’m sure they have many cases, and God is working things out as He sees fit. Take some deep breaths and stay calm. Nothing much rattles your cage, except maybe a horse falling in the pool with the cover on it, or a nest of wound up yellow jackets..lol, but we all have different skill sets and abilities, and can then draw a complement in a mate.

I hope to see you on Wednesday, it was such a blessing to see the boys! It caught me off guard and was such a surprise. If you can’t make it this week, I understand. …

1/15/14

You are so beautiful today, you walked in with such confidence. You have been a great example for our children.

I got back to my cell and there were some papers by my door. Someone had tried to set up a visit but forgot to add a driver’s license copy, so it was good that I had not quite finished the letter to my friend. Now I am able to request new forms, and explain what happened in this letter and mail them together. God created a way for me to save a stamp, which is always good to do in here. He always keeps our circumstances in mind.

I’ve been so lonely, and I just gave my heart to the Lord and cried for a long time, my heart is just so sick from this isolation and separation. When I calmed down, I opened my devotional to Psalms 4, and cried even more, it was entitled, “Sweet Rest”. I feel he answered my prayer with your visit. He gave me sweet mercy, and also you enough gas to make the visit. My heart is filled with joy.

 Psalm 4  King James Version (KJV) 4 Hear me when I call, O God of my righteousness: thou hast enlarged me when I was in distress; have mercy upon me, and hear my prayer.


Psalm 4
King James Version (KJV)
4 Hear me when I call, O God of my righteousness: thou hast enlarged me when I was in distress; have mercy upon me, and hear my prayer.

You are like Ruth, you never turn back…

Hey, look – do you hear me? That’s what they yell in here all day long. I hope to never hear that again when I get out…

I got an orange today for the first time since September. It was so good! The things we take for granted…

Today around 2 pm it got so cold. I wonder if they are turning on the air conditioner? My hands and legs were freezing. I did get a shower today, and that warmed me up some…I also did some push-ups; only two sets of 35, and toe touches. I noticed I’m losing some muscle mass as I don’t well enough to exercise fully.

1/10/14
I received your letters today, and your card. It reminded me so much of that one property we were looking to buy in the mountains before all of this happened.

Hey, I finally got a new battery for my radio! It takes about 3 weeks to get when you’re in ICON and indigent. But, they did put fish oil on the list of the limited things we can order.

I am reading on Ruth today. She is like you; you never turn back. You will only press forward, knowing God has a plan for your life. She worked so diligently and then became one of Jesus’ grandmothers. You, like Ruth, have courage and are a child of God.
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1/11/14
I was up late last night and couldn’t sleep. I started humming this little tune, and it got louder and louder, and then I looked at my watch and saw the date- it was the tune I’d sing to Alex when he was bouncing on my leg or when I would hold him when he couldn’t sleep when he was so small, so long ago!
Happy Birthday Big Bear! God is so great to put that tune in my head to remember you! That became a special tune for when I was with him, but I still don’t know where it came from! It made him laugh and coo, and thinking of that is refreshing to my spirit. God wants to remember all of the little things that bless us, but we never thank Him for. I love you, Alex!

They say 2 hours of sleep is normal if you don’t exercise (111 days in isolation)

I have started to scare myself with how much joy I have now for God.
You are such a harbor me; through all of these trials you’ve never wavered.
I feel our hearts are together always, even through these walls of cement.

They came today for the sick call I wrote ten days ago.
They also answered my request forms saying they won’t give me copies of my medical records.
I have to write to Raleigh’s Department of Corrections, so if you can do that, maybe they will give them to you. They took my blood work on November 19th. I can’t get through to them how much pain this is, and they will do nothing but just tell me to expect pain, to work out, like I haven’t been trying. No one actually does anything. But, I will try to hang on in faith, and give God my burdens.

Praise God! He is moving mountains through you, Rochelle! On our limited canteen list it was now offering for us to purchase multi-vitamins and glucosamine! We were never allowed to get vitamins until now! He is working mightily through you. I wrote to the unit manager giving thanks and asking if they could please allow us to get fish oil.

12/20/13

I was the psychologist today for about 15 minutes. I explained about the sleep deprivation and the lighting, and the extreme cold and she said that 2 hours of sleep at a time was normal without any strenuous activity. Even after I explained my depression, bouts of crying and hopelessness, she said that she couldn’t help and that it didn’t warrant a full psychological evaluation.

She said that things would be better once I’m out of isolation. REALLY? I only have about 90 more days.

The only way to get any version of ‘help’ is if I try to hurt myself or others. Great.

We went outside this morning. IT was so great to finally get outside. I could smell wood burning! It was so homey and reminded me of the fires we would burn sometimes. The leaves and wood smelled so real! I’ve not smelled that in three years now.

12/22/13

I see the importance of celebrating the birth of our Lord now. Before it was more selfish in nature, but this is much bigger; it’s about showing love to others to spread God’s unending love to all. I wish you all a Merry Christmas and may His love fill your hearts as He has mine.

God’s plan may not make sense right now…

12/12/13
We are more connected now beyond what most can understand.
Reading your last letter put me there with you and our boys.
I could feel Nate’s pain through each word you wrote.
I wept so hard for him, as I felt his pain.
It never gets easier to bear. But, you and I truly did our best.
If nothing else, it was mostly my fault. I felt so bad because we’d had no choice but to send DJ back to that hellhole with his mother. We just couldn’t get any help from the mental health system.
There is never enough to go around for these kids(kids with special needs), as the funding is always cut to line someone else’s pockets further up the chain.

I was just blinded by wanting to show Daniel Jr. love; I needed him to see that I cared for him. I was so excited about being a project manager, having a job ‘back home’ after being up north for that time away from Southern people and family; it felt like a new start.
I also didn’t want him to feel the way that my dad made me feel, that I was nothing, worthless…
When we moved back to North Carolina, I had hoped that perhaps we could start over, maybe do family therapy, try again to get some help and find out what exactly had been going on. We just didn’t know.
There was so much confusion, and Carolyn always kept the older kids riled up and starting things at home; it was hard to keep things calm.
Nothing I can say will change what happened, I just pray to God, for it all.

I pray, for all of my children to receive healing. There is nothing I can do in here, but pray, the hurt is so strong knowing that we just weren’t fully aware of the extent of the damage that was occurring. God forgive DJ for doing those acts, and I pray Veronica, Nate and Alex will learn to lean on the Lord to give them hope. Their faith will grow as ours has, and even though God’s plan may not make sense right now, it will in time, according to His purpose. Nothing I can say, as a man can make anything right. My love has become so much stronger knowing Jesus’ love is so much more than we can understand. I wish I could hold all of them, my children, and give them comfort where there is none, and let them feel their daddy’s love again. May they feel God’s love around them, giving them comfort.

They are still tearing off the holiday stickers that you put on my envelopes. But, at least they aren’t marking out the bible verses you write on them. I am listening to the Christmas shoe song. It always makes me cry to hear that. I miss my mom so much. She never had much, but she always tried to give more than she had. Those little gifts meant so much to her to be able to give to her children and grandchildren. It wasn’t the toy that mattered, it was what was in her heart. She was so giving!
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No one would ever be treated like this in the outside world

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11/29/13
Well, no one has come to evaluate me for a better type of diet, NMT-3,
even though I’ve requested it several times. Also, my response to the
request for thermals came back denied, “Custody is only allowed to issue thermals to inmates who work.”

But, I’ve some how made it through another cold night, praise God! The air blows like hard like the wind in PA, that never stopped in winter. Even now when I sit to write, it beats on my arms, face, chest and hands, even making them blue. The nurse did come by at 5:30, praise God, and ask if I wanted pain meds; of course I said ‘yes’, and after eating could actually sleep a little, even with the lights on. You would go crazy in here, as they are never off. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone. This relief for the pain has been a tremendous help, and has at least given me some sort rest. Praise God for his works through you! And, for you to feel strong enough to stand up to these giants. They are truly bullies to us in here.

God meant for all of us to rest, but not in this prison.
The same people who administer these cruel conditions should have to endure them for a few months, this torture, and see if there is then any reform in the prison system.

 

Here is what happened with the heat, from what I can tell – it came on, and was warm for one day, and then the next day a mechanic was out, and then the lights were flickering on and off, like they were looking for what fuse was tripped, or trying to figure out why the heat wasn’t working. It was never fixed after that one attempt.

When I woke up this morning, after my time in the rec cage, I was throbbing with pain from the attempt at walking and stretching. Even with the meds, it still hurts to exercise, but I keep on because you said it would be best for the scar tissue and where the tissue is growing over the mesh.

12/1/13
Good morning, love. I went to rec again, it was inside this time. I can’t get over this pain – it has been seven weeks now, and I feel weird all the way down to the bottom of my groin. All of my male ‘parts’ are experiencing numbness, but they have done NO diagnostics, either before or after my surgery to see what is happening to my insides. I also have these sharp pains that throb down there, as well, and when I walk, it feels like something is rubbing inside. It’s hard to explain. IF they would just take me to a doctor who would do standard protocol, and xray or something, then they could better understand what IS going on, if it’s an infection or if something is wrong, they could fix it. I would never be treated like this in the outside world.
A man was put in here today, just for speaking during the Moorish Science Temple time in the chapel. The administrator said he couldn’t teach what he was saying, but the man didn’t stop. He was then given a C-3 charge for speaking on his beliefs. However, that won’t be on the official charge, of course. But, that same officer was also the DHO overseeing the case, which totally goes against policy. But, there’s no one to help us get any sort of justice.

Unanswered Grievance to the NC Bar after 2 years, prosecutorial misconduct, wrongful imprisonment

……

Dyson v. United States, 418 A.2d 127, 130 n. 5 (D.C. 1980) (Prosecutor has ethical obligation not to express personal opinion on guilt.) Sherrod v. United States, 478 A.2d 644, 657 n.15 (D.C. 1984) (Error for prosecutor to express “personal belief in appellant’s guilt.”)

Lines 14-17 “And, of course, that’s the crime that occurred when they first moved back to Greensboro to 2021 Rankin Mill Road…and obviously Veronica testified to you that there were-began about a month or so after they –they moved back. Lines 25-26, “He’s the one who’s (sic) creating the situation where there’s so many times that he’s done that that she-she can’t tell you exactly how many times…But that’s no fault of hers. That is something that the defendant’s created.

-vouching for the credibility of witnesses or offering a personal opinion about the evidence U.S. Constitution amend. VI (“In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right…to be confronted with the witnesses against him…”) Finch v. United States, 867 A. 2.d 222, 227 (D.C. 2005) (Improper for prosecutor to express evident opinion that government witness’ testimony had been “incredibly straightforward.”) p. 556, lines 13-15 So, intercourse occurred during that time is first-degree rape of a child under the age of thirteen years. p.557, Lines2-4  All indications. In any event, clearly that is sexual intercourse within the definition. Over and over, he assumes guilt to a jury that has not deliberated. Lines 7-10 And obviously prior to –since this is between February 1st of 2008 and August the 1st of 2008 she was twelve years old during that time period. So she was under the age of thirteen. Lines20-21 I contend that the evidence you heard more than proves that. p. 558 contorting the truth and what defendant said to make it look like something else was said lines 6-13, Second, that the person with whom the defendant had vaginal intercourse was the defendant’s child. It was uncontroverted, the defendant said it himself, that she’s his daughter. So, you can take that as proven. (Nothing was proven other than common public knowledge – defendant knows that Veronica is his daughter.)

Lines 15-25 do nothing but further confuse the ‘evidence’. Line 24 states “There’s no doubt of that being proven.” But what was proven through all of that? Just when her birthdays were and that I am her father. He continues on in that vein of discussion for two more pages. Nothing is proven. p.560, lines, 16-17 “and again, I would contend that the evidence more than adequately proves that occurred. Washington v. United States, 397 A.2d 946, 951 (D.C. 1979) (Misconduct for prosecutor to argue, “I believe [witness’] testimony”) p.562, 11-13 “And this evidence proves, I contend, that he has committed that particular act, he’s guilty of that particular act.” Hyman v. United States, 342 A.2d 43,45 (D.C. 1975) (“[A] prosecutor may not express his opinion of the veracity of a witness…since such remarks amount to unsworn testimony and as such are impermissible”) – alludes to the 6th amend. Right to enjoy the right to be confronted with the witnesses against him…”) p.563 lines 1-3 “And so therefore we can take that element as well as having been proven”. What, that I wasn’t married to her? That isn’t even a question. p. 563 Lines 19-22, “So, I could have charged many more counts based on the number of times that she described, but we didn’t know the exact number of times.” Daye v. United States, 733 A.2d 321, 328 n.6 (DC 1999) (Improper for prosecutor to argue that “[i]f we had other evidence that [government witness] committed this murder, we would have prosecuted him for that.”) p.565 Lines 14-16,”… which I contend, both of those I contend are proven to you by the evidence you heard.” p.567 lines 4-6 I contend to you that this evidence more than amply proves each and every element of each – of each of these charges beyond a reasonable doubt.”

…continued…