I’ve been so lonely, and just gave my heart to the Lord

Sorry, I took a few days off and listened to football games.

Carolina lost, but they played hard for the first half, just seemed to lose focus. We do that, forget to keep our eyes on God.

God has to be centered in all that we do, so that we can truly come to know His power. Once it becomes about ourselves, the God is lost to us. We have to surrender ourselves to God, so that the fight comes through Him. This will be the only way that our truth can be revealed, by how we speak, live our lives, and surrendering to what ‘is’. When we rush things, we hinder God’s plan.

These past few days have been so cold, with the men complaining, but doing nothing in writing. I am amazed by how cold it is for us in here. I miss you so much. I’ve had to wear all of my clothes, and it’s gotten down to 0 degrees in the night.  I hope to get some more coffee in a couple of days to help ease it off a little.

Thank you so much for sharing with me what is going on at home; I so miss being a family. Even the little things about washing dishes with you after you made a mess all over the kitchen from one of your great, home cooked meals, the faces the boys make, their shenanigans, and excuses at bedtime and running all over the house.

I did finally get the new diet today. They kept trying to give me a regular one, but I sent it back. I’m not going to give them something to cancel it for, when I’ve worked so hard to get it! I got some exercise in today, and that helped warm me a little.  No pain today, which is a good sign.

I want you to calm down about the lawyer; I think you’ve scared them, I know how you can be. Be patient, I’m sure they have many cases, and God is working things out as He sees fit. Take some deep breaths and stay calm. Nothing much rattles your cage, except maybe a horse falling in the pool with the cover on it, or a nest of wound up yellow jackets..lol, but we all have different skill sets and abilities, and can then draw a complement in a mate.

I hope to see you on Wednesday, it was such a blessing to see the boys! It caught me off guard and was such a surprise. If you can’t make it this week, I understand. …

1/15/14

You are so beautiful today, you walked in with such confidence. You have been a great example for our children.

I got back to my cell and there were some papers by my door. Someone had tried to set up a visit but forgot to add a driver’s license copy, so it was good that I had not quite finished the letter to my friend. Now I am able to request new forms, and explain what happened in this letter and mail them together. God created a way for me to save a stamp, which is always good to do in here. He always keeps our circumstances in mind.

I’ve been so lonely, and I just gave my heart to the Lord and cried for a long time, my heart is just so sick from this isolation and separation. When I calmed down, I opened my devotional to Psalms 4, and cried even more, it was entitled, “Sweet Rest”. I feel he answered my prayer with your visit. He gave me sweet mercy, and also you enough gas to make the visit. My heart is filled with joy.

 Psalm 4  King James Version (KJV) 4 Hear me when I call, O God of my righteousness: thou hast enlarged me when I was in distress; have mercy upon me, and hear my prayer.


Psalm 4
King James Version (KJV)
4 Hear me when I call, O God of my righteousness: thou hast enlarged me when I was in distress; have mercy upon me, and hear my prayer.

You are like Ruth, you never turn back…

Hey, look – do you hear me? That’s what they yell in here all day long. I hope to never hear that again when I get out…

I got an orange today for the first time since September. It was so good! The things we take for granted…

Today around 2 pm it got so cold. I wonder if they are turning on the air conditioner? My hands and legs were freezing. I did get a shower today, and that warmed me up some…I also did some push-ups; only two sets of 35, and toe touches. I noticed I’m losing some muscle mass as I don’t well enough to exercise fully.

1/10/14
I received your letters today, and your card. It reminded me so much of that one property we were looking to buy in the mountains before all of this happened.

Hey, I finally got a new battery for my radio! It takes about 3 weeks to get when you’re in ICON and indigent. But, they did put fish oil on the list of the limited things we can order.

I am reading on Ruth today. She is like you; you never turn back. You will only press forward, knowing God has a plan for your life. She worked so diligently and then became one of Jesus’ grandmothers. You, like Ruth, have courage and are a child of God.
ruth_bible__image_2_sjpg1152

1/11/14
I was up late last night and couldn’t sleep. I started humming this little tune, and it got louder and louder, and then I looked at my watch and saw the date- it was the tune I’d sing to Alex when he was bouncing on my leg or when I would hold him when he couldn’t sleep when he was so small, so long ago!
Happy Birthday Big Bear! God is so great to put that tune in my head to remember you! That became a special tune for when I was with him, but I still don’t know where it came from! It made him laugh and coo, and thinking of that is refreshing to my spirit. God wants to remember all of the little things that bless us, but we never thank Him for. I love you, Alex!

The prison has never addressed my pain post-op

12/27/13 I received your letter, with the grievance and the emails from Congressman Howard Coble, and as well as the Senator Trudy Wade. Your grievance to the Guilford County CPS/DSS was remarkable.

How much pain it must have been to relive our time with them. God must truly be behind this path, for Him to help you endure that torture again, remembering each detail.

I hope you will feel better soon. I continue to pray for your health to improve. For myself, I want so badly to feel whole again. I attempted to exercise Monday, and paid for it, dearly. I began standing toe touches, slowly working down to my toes, only doing 26 at a time.  Along with standing bicycles, with my elbows bending to touch my knees, 25. Also, side bends, with 50 in a set. Then 25 pushups in a set. I ended up with 100 toe touches, 100 standing bicycles, as many push ups and 2oo side bends. Now remember, before this surgery I was doing 1,000 pushups. This morning, I couldn’t even get out of bed without dragging myself along, as my right side hurt so bad. I took ibuprofen all day long. It didn’t stop for three days! So, I am nothing near ‘normal’ for me. The prison has never addressed my issue with pain post-op, and there is still something wrong with my intestines. There seems to be a lump  I can feel with the toe touches.

Your short letter brought me so much joy that you mailed with the second prison complaint follow-up from November. I wept to think how much I mean to you that you would put yourself in front of all these state people for me. Even as you face so much adversity, you continue to encourage me to try harder in here to be heard.

Only God can know my heart, Rochelle. I was never good at words to tell you how much you mean to me.

12/28/13

They woke me up at 6:25 a.m. to tell me I had to pack up, and am moving to D-wing. I only got two hours of sleep from the door slamming, and am exhausted and grouchy. In the new cell, the light is directly overhead, but

the air is not facing me when I sleep! Praise God, it is barely moving in the vent! I will not have to wear all of the extra clothes. There is also a seat now, whereas I had to write while hunched on the edge of my sleep ledge before. I did lose my extra mat to lie on. We sleep on what looks like a kindergarten mat, no mattress.

So, everything you’re writing to these people is starting to get to them here. I trust God will keep improving conditions through you!

I wrote to my case manager, and he answered back saying that my review date for seg has been moved forward to January, instead of waiting until February. There is a chance I may get out of seg by the end of January. Even moving to the close ops would be an improvement!

I know that this false charge has been a way for us to be put in a place to stay still and seek Him for our strength.

Thank you for allowing God to build a better relationship with us, and Him. We have grown so much closer in the past four months, and my own strength and belief is much stronger now.  I miss you so much!

I am reading Wednesday’s paper that I got on Friday today, as I draw each one out so they last through the weekend. this helps me to have some distraction in this new place. I’ve finished the bible study correspondence you sent. I wish I had a longer, harder one. In this new area, I’ve noticed that there are many in here to talk to themselves, even to the point of answering. So, this is where the ones go that have to stay long periods. I was in a revolving door wing, for those with only 40 days or so time.

This is no way to exist. No wonder they crack. God help us all. I now don’t feel alone in my distress.

I simply thought I was weak.

The torture is not something one can fight; it is administered on us day after day.

I am now in a room with very little space to move. The handicap room had 20 more square feet of space.

That is tremendous loss of space! But, I can see the sun through the windows now, and it warms my wall! Praise Him for the small things, always. I don’t have to wear all of those layers, and …I won! I won, I won, 30 stamps! So far no losses with 15 games .

I’ve been trying to clean. Obviously the last one here had some disagreements with the staff of Marion Correctional ICON.

I can’t remember the last night I slept more than two hours. That psychologist needs to stay in here for a few weeks with only two hours of sleep and see if she still calls it ‘normal’. Or maybe more like four months like this.

Now, I can hear a t.v. Can’t see it, but it is such a blessing to at least hear something normal, anything. I can hear the news, and I may be able to even hear the Super Bowl! If I’m still back here, of course.

God has been working through you in such great ways. Rest and follow God’s instructions. I so long to hold you in my arms. You are such an unselfish woman who has allowed her outer self to be broken so that God’s spirit may truly shine for the world to see. Through all of our trials and suffering God breaks the ‘outer self’ so He might shine through on the earth. As we embrace the suffering, and accept the need to surrender, then true work is done!

(Battle of Carchemish) Jeremiah 46 ~ 10 For this is the day of the Lord God of hosts, A day of vengeance, That He may avenge Himself on His adversaries. The sword shall devour; It shall be satiated and made drunk with their blood; For the Lord God of hosts has a sacrifice In the north country by the River Euphrates. 11 “Go up to Gilead and take balm, O virgin, the daughter of Egypt; In vain you will use many medicines; You shall not be cured.

Even if  I have to  be like Jeremiah and proclaim God’s word for 40 years, so be it! You should see me dancing around my room.

I won!

I’ve been asking for a pen now for a week…

They called for our weekly rec, outside time, at 6:30 a.m.

It was 20 degrees. If I had ever been given my thermals,

I would have gone out, anyway, but without them, in the dark with no sunshine, no way.

The prison does this because they know that no one has any way to keep warm to go outside.

I will send another request form to the nurse, asking about the sick call request I sent in over a week ago about still having pain, and I asked for psyllium fiber, as we only get starches to eat, with very little vegetables or near enough fiber to have healthy bowels. On Nov. 26, the lead nurse said I would be getting an assessment for a specialized diet, but none has been done, two weeks later. I did get a not from another nurse who said that this week I was scheduled for an assessment, which is then sent to Raleigh. But, no assessment. See, I cry my eyes out but no one hears my cries but Jesus. God will prevail. My head hurts from all of the crying and thinking so much, and the effects of being stuck in this cell all of the time.

I stood at the door for over an hour, waiting for an officer to come and get this form for a psychological interview.  Two CO’s later someone finally takes it on. The fiber pills just don’t work at all, and they are 625 mg, but the stuff I bought in canteen worked fine. (He doesn’t realize the effects of post-surgery bowel issues, and without proper diet and exericise is having great difficulty) I am under great stress from this extra pain and complication, and it also makes me feel very tired. If I want to talk to another guy, I have to stand at my door and yell, which is difficult to keep up for any length of time.

12/15/13

A nurse came in today and brought me two small pills, but didn’t even tell me what they were. My temp is still not normal, but it is better, at 98.3, and she said the pills may help, but it looks like the psyllium may not be enough right now. The next option is some sort of liquid. I hate when they don’t tell me things. I had asked to take these things before surgery to help me through the post-op, but they refused to give me anything. I know my body better than them, but they act like we cannot make any decisions on our own.

I was able to eat better today, so when they served a burger patty, 1/2 c of rice, another 1/2 c of lima beans, and then a cookie and corn bread for later. But, the nurse never did come back. The doctor, the few times I have seen him, avoids eye contact, so I know I can’t trust what he tells me. But, what am I to do?

I hope to hear from the psychologist soon. I really need relief. The emptiness of this place is so consuming. Your letters are so full of light in this dreadful place, and full of God’s word.

It’s so cold tonight, and the air never stops pelting my face and hands. I traded with a friend for a regular pen and it writes so good compared to the seg pen. I’ve been asking for a pen now for a week. The Co’s just say, “I just gave out the last one”; like that’s funny to them.

It’s hard for me to remember when I read, “Bless them that hurt you, and pray for them that despitefully use you,” that it was more targeted for our family and close ones over our enemies. Family members have become an enemy to me in many ways by not helping to take care of the children, but I will send them love, regardless.

Part 1 -Formal Complaint to the NC Bar

The following posts are excerpts mailed from prison in North Carolina in a formal grievance against the assistant DA in Greensboro, NC who should be charged with extreme prosecutorial misconduct and should be dis-barred. It has been almost TWO years since it was written, but still no full response from the North Carolina Bar except that they are in a deluge of complaints and to seek legal action. Hmmm…everyone is waiting for the other one to come forward and make a decision to help us, but no one is really DOING anything…
………………………

January 10, 2012

THE GRIEVANCE COMMITTEE OFFICE
THE NORTH CAROLINA STATE BAR
PO BOX 25900
RALEIGH, NC 27611

To the Committee:

My name is Daniel Edward Palacios, opus number 1248101. I have enclosed as an addendum these additions to a list of grievances previously mailed to your office. They lie with the assistant DA, Maury Al Hubbard, III in the case of –

NORTH CAROLINA IN THE GENERAL COURT OF JUSTICE
SUPERIOR COURT DIVISION
GUILFORD COUNTY File Nos.: 10 CRS 66769—72
STATE OF NORTH CAROLINA
vs. DANIEL EDWARD PALACIOS, Defendant

-that have led to my being wrongfully convicted and sentenced to 123 years in prison.

In looking over case law, the transcripts of this trial, and the Code of Ethics that every licensed attorney swears to uphold, here are my issues of grievance (only including aspects of conduct that I felt negatively affected my trial):
I. Excessive bail stemming from Racial Discrimination/Profiling (Constitutional Amend.8 and Title 18, 871 extortion).
II. 3.3 Candor Toward the Tribunal
a. the lawyer must not allow the tribunal to be misled by false statements of material fact or law or evidence that the lawyer knows to be false. (Amendment 5 –Right to Due Process)
III. Rule 3.8 Special Responsibilities of a Prosecutor
a. Responsibility of a Minister of Justice
b. A prosecutor should not intentionally avoid pursuit of evidence
IV. Rule 4.1 Truthfulness in Statements to Others
V. Rule 4.4 Respect for Rights of Third Persons
VI. Rule 8.4 Misconduct–leading to egregious prosecutorial misconduct
VII. Prosecutorial Misconduct in Closing Arguments
VIII. Felonious Obstruction of Justice

I. Excessive bail (stemming from racial discrimination/profiling) The Eighth Amendment provides:
Excessive bail shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted.
In Stack v. Boyle, 342 U.S. 1 (1951), the Court found that a defendant’s bail cannot be set higher than an amount that is reasonably likely to ensure the defendant’s presence at the trial. In Stack, the Court found bail of $50,000 to be excessive, given the limited financial resources of the defendants and a lack of evidence that they were likely to flee before trial.
See also, G.S. 15A-534(a) requires that (except in capital cases) one of the following four conditions of pretrial release must be imposed(omitted 1,2,3 for brevity)
(4) Require the execution of an appearance bond secured by a cash deposit of the full amount of the bond, by a mortgage pursuant to G.S. 58-74-5, or by a solvent surety.
The judicial official setting conditions of pretrial release may impose condition (4) if, and only if, one of the other three conditions of pretrial release (a) will not reasonably assure the appearance of the defendant as required; (b) will pose a danger of injury to any person; or (c) is likely to result in destruction of evidence, subornation of perjury, or intimidation of potential witnesses. If condition (4) is imposed the judicial official must record the reasons for so doing in writing. Other statutes apply in limited specific circumstances (see § III, B, infra)
Mr. Hubbard argued at my arraignment that I was a flight risk and might flee to Chicago as I had family there. However, from the time that Veronica made the allegations on October 15, 2009 until the date which I volunteered to turn myself in, January 29, 2010, I had done nothing to meet the conditions necessary to condition 4. I had not lived in Cooke County, Illinois, since I was seven years old. From the time period of 1978 unto the present, I had only visited that area twice.

“There is no crueler tyranny than that which is exercised under cover of law, and with the colors of justice …”
– U.S. v. Jannotti, 673 F.2d 578, 614 (3d Cir. 1982)

There was nothing to suggest that I was a “flight risk”, as he claimed. I had a deeply rooted claim to the community, as I ran an asphalt plant within 15 minutes of my home, we as a family of 8 had lived in the Alamance County/Guilford County area for over seven years, and my mother, father and siblings lived in the surrounding counties. Except for moving up north due to a job offer after losing my job in the APAC takeover, I have lived in North Carolina for twenty nine years. I trusted the justice system, following every condition that was placed upon me, and then turned myself in, knowing that I was innocent and had not done the things Veronica alleged.

The result of this excessive bail has been that, once I was incarcerated, my wife’s reputation had been ruined, as will be explained below, and she had no way to produce an income, as all of her recent education and training was in the field of daycare. She lost almost everything we had, our home, our vehicle, our friends, support of family, and was therefore not able to pay off the $7,500. balance owed on the original bail amount of over $18,000.

This will lead to cruel and unusual punishment:
Such punishment as would amount to torture or barbarity, any cruel and degrading punishment not known to the Common Law, or any fine, penalty, confinement, or treatment that is so disproportionate to the offense as to shock the moral sense of the community.
For, at this point, even if I am granted a re-trial, my wife will have to add the previous balance on top of any bail requirement that court decides upon. She will also not have any collateral to put up on my behalf, and will not have anyone to co-sign, because my family members defaulted on their part of the bond agreement, because they didn’t think they had to keep paying if I was incarcerated.

I will not be able to continue gathering the multitude of evidence discussed below because I will continue to be behind bars. I will not be able to help provide for my wife and children, who have suffered greatly for the grievances I am describing in this letter.

The 10 – plus thousand dollars we paid in regards to my bond in 2010-2011 could have been spent in procuring necessary evidence to procure alibi and supporting evidence as to the past credibility to the main witness. We could have subpoenaed a myriad of psychological evaluations done by both therapists and schools over the years, as well as her medical records showing we always matched her up to a female pediatrician in case she needed someone to talk to because of her early menarche and all of the side effects that can entail for a young woman.

We were so concerned with Veronica’s behaviors and need for therapeutic assistance that we kept her in therapy from 2002-2008. In 2006, the time she claims the sexual abuse started, we actually had set up for her to have an intensive case manager, who visited her at school and at home on a weekly basis. She was often alone with Veronica in the house while I was at work, as I worked mostly at night in Pennsylvania. Also during this same time period, there was an intensive in-home team comprised of two women, who also interacted with Veronica and the boys twice a week, whose documentation my wife included in her grievance. These records, along with my work records could have been paid for by us, if we weren’t tied to such an excessive, discriminately created bail.

Below is a list of therapists and other facilities whose records could have been subpoenaed. I could have even travelled to the states in question to work on getting past friends to perhaps come and testify on my behalf, including Veronica’s horse riding instructor, as I even bought a horse for Veronica and my wife while in Maryland, and my wife personally paid for her riding lessons after school for almost six months, so she could be around other girls in the afternoons, and have positive interactions with to help her with her behavior issues.

1995/1996 – Medical records from Eden Hospital that showed where I took Veronica to the ER on weekend visits with me due to her having recurring yeast infections. My then girlfriend, Shann, noticed that Veronica acted oddly when being bathed, and was afraid she was being molested. The infections pointed to that, as well.
2001 – records from my urologist, Dr. Brian Cope, who performed my vasectomy –Veronica testified to my discharge, yet with my vasectomy I have very little discharge, especially nothing “white” as she describes in more than one investigation and certainly not enough to fit truthfully with her description of me after ‘sex’
2002 – Gary Bailey, social worker, Alamance County, to help children with our underlying suspicion that Daniel Jr and Veronica and been sexually abused and were perpetrating on each other
2003- Family Support Center, Greensboro, NC
2005-Child Guidance Resource Center, Coatesville, PA; we worked with three or four different psychologists while working with them; Veronica received a case manager there, Julie Ulline, who worked with Veronica both in the home in the afternoon, as well as visiting her at East Vincent where she attended in 2006; she received a diagnosis, she and the other children went to a summer camp for children with behavior issues
2005 – attempted commitment for her and Daniel Jr at Brandywine Hospital for behavioral issues, some sexually related; School evaluation done on Veronica for behaviors such as stealing, lying and bullying
2006- Community Services of Devereux – Veronica and Nicholas had an out-patient therapist who is now the director, Dr. Potter
Looking over Document 20, there is a plethora of information in regards to the behavioral issues we encountered over the years with Veronica. This includes excerpts from the psychological evaluation we had done while Veronica was attending East Vincent Elementary while we lived in Chester Springs.
Please note p.2 which shows her ratings in Aggression, Conduct Problems, as well as Externalizing Problems, Depression, Atypicality, Externalizing problems and Adaptability. Veronica needed a great deal of help with her behaviors and emotional state. She tested at-risk in all of these areas or clinically significant.

On page 3, her teacher noted, “that social situations are often strained…she often overreacts and speaks harshly…
p.4 Needs improvement in …practice self-control, express feelings in acceptable ways, follow school and classroom rules…
Fourth grade teacher notes, “At times, she became emotional and her temper was shown. She had some problems socially.”
p.8 “ The teacher rated her within the clinically significant range in the areas of Aggression, and in the at-risk range on hyperactivity and conduct problems…Some of the behaviors that inflated these scales include:…argues when denied her own way, loses temper easily, disobeys; lies; sneaks around;
behaviors of concern noted by teacher…“seems out of touch with reality; acts confused.”
p.13 notes the teacher’s rating scales
2007- Family therapy out-patient on Hwy 4 in Maryland records; receipt from Lusby, MD community center where we paid for her and a friend to take a self-dense class because Veronica said her friends’ step-dad had been abusing her, he wouldn’t allow her to take the class with Veronica.
……………..
to be continued

I wonder if they miss us

I truly miss our family. Even with all of the problems.

I had a dream last night that I was out of seg and had a visitor.

I entered the busy visitation room with all of the noise and bustle, and looked all around for you.

Then I heard, “Daddy”! I turned around and there she was, even though I knew immediately.

She had that same squeal just as she used to when I came home from work.

It seemed so real to see her, and she had brought a young man with her, as well.

I wonder if she was thinking about me; if she and my other two sons miss all of the things we used to do as a family, all of the trips and soccer games and wrestling with her brothers and riding her horse, the trips to the beach you’d save up for so we could all go, the times we’d drive to the mountains of NC and cut down our own Christmas tree and drink hot cider and spend the night. It all seems so far away and dreamlike, now.

I miss my children, Shel. All of them. Even after all of the trouble, hurt and pain they have caused; they have been through so much. When I would throw them all around in the pool, she would do the same thing.

It is so hard to be in this position, of hurt, anger and love, and then the misery of being here, the alienation of it all. I wonder if the nightmare will ever end.

I got a copy of the two grievances you wrote and posted to each of the administrative emails, as well as the governor today.

I know I have to keep writing these sick calls, and these requests for my long johns, but it feels so hopeless. The requests never go anywhere. I can’t even have a chair, for Pete’s sake. Would that be so hard to do? I am not violent. The throbbing doesn’t ever go fully away, and the pain is still too sharp after I start to stretch or do any exercise. And, now, in addition to all of my clothes I am lying under seven sheets and 2 blankets. I still haven’t gotten any help with the sick call from November 14th. So, they say I must write another request. I filled out another 490 for the long johns.

Well, later they led me out of here in hand cuffs, a belly chain and foot shackles to medical tonight just before 10 p.m. They took my blood pressure through 2 shirt jackets, 3 shirts, and I wonder how accurate that will be! The lead nurse started asking questions about my level of pain, which I said changes depending on whether or not I try to move. All they do is have me to lie down and mash a little around the now closed incision, and tell me that I am fine. They are doing no internal diagnostics.

I couldn’t believe they were doing anything at all, so I asked if they were seeing me because of a letter that had been written on my behalf. Of course they say, ‘no’.  If so, why was I being seen this late at night, and not by the regular day shift? I asked to see my blood work results, but all they say is that it was ‘fine’.  I asked how I could still be this cold, but they never have and answer.

It’s obvious that your calls and letters/emails are making them very uncomfortable. I just want you to know that what you are doing is great. Don’t lose heart…

Good morning. Well, I was taken once more to medical, at 9 a.m. and they wouldn’t allow me to wear my shirt jackets to walk through the prison. Another new, arbitrary rule to keep us confused, I guess. My temperature is again below normal, 97.5. I told the doctor that I still had odd swelling, and he says I could have issues for up to six months. This makes no sense. I told him that it was nothing like this before, and the pain seems to be coming from all over.

I asked him for help with the long johns, as medical has to write them up, and he said there would not be any coming from medical. I looked at the nurse who knew that she had just told you recently that the 490 had to be written from medical and then the doctor said medical was not in the business of handing out thermals. I guess this is retaliation for your writing the medical grievance. Even the CO couldn’t believe it. So, here I am, back in my cell, cold, and there are other inmates with 490s for thermals.

Well, I didn’t get my package so   tried to sleep, but couldn’t. The guys were all opening their food packages, and the ones that didn’t have them were trying to trade with the others.  I received your card and letters. They make me cry. It’s been s hard to be away from you. I have been so emotional. You have been such a blessing.

May God be part of your Every Decision

 I hope you and the readers don’t mind that I just seem to jump from topic to topic. I work so hard to stay focused in here, but it gets so hard at times. I never thought this was going to be as bad it is becoming.  I read the bible, and all of the things you send me, but there’s so little to occupy my time. It would be so great if some folks would write to me. I don’t mind answering any questions, or just corresponding. Will you give them my address?  I enjoy looking at the blog excerpts you send me, and am really surprised that people are reading this. I just do the best I can to get through these days, and to learn all I can so as to be a better person and to make a difference in the world and to help my children heal, as God allows us to reconnect.

Let’s see, today.November 23rd, I’ve been in here 84 days. It has been great to at least hear what is going on in the world through others. The Tarheels won today, 8-20, a football game! Appalachian State also did great 24-0 against WNCU at halftime.

I put in yet another request form for medical to let me have thermals. I just stay cold in here, and with the pain, it is bad. They are the only one who can administer the 490 for them. I just took a shower and feel so much better. I don’t understand why they won’t let us bathe everyday. They have plenty of personnel to do so. I mean, I do understand that it is a form of punishment, but to what end? I’m hungry, and have one more peanut butter and jelly sandwich, so will eat that here at 10 p.m. and write more later…

11/24/13

I was listening to 106.9 and the Christian music has more power than ever before, for some reason. I started crying this morning listening, just raising my hands, swaying back and forth and singing. It was so meaningful to hear God’s word, and to feel His love filling my heart. Without Him, I’d not have the strength to continue. I can do nothing in my own strength. I will fail every time, but realizing this and confessing this to God, believing in his Son will give me true strength and power. This truly lifts my Spirit, which is the power of Jesus in me.

The after affects of this entire incident from August 31 has been horrible. I now see that they’ve added 15, yes 15 years to my sentence because I didn’t want to suffocate in a prison cell, and asked for a CO to do something about the lack of moving air, and they’ve given me 24 points. I will be forced to do almost a year in isolation and continued to be punished for two or three more years afterward!

I still can’t over being so cold…I am in a building and have to wear 3 shirts, 2 shirt jackets, and pants, and my feet are still cold!

I just want to wish you all a wonderful Thanksgiving, and be sure to be thankful for all that you have-there’s always someone out there doing far worse. I will continue to write more of what God is teaching me in my next letters. May God be part of your every decision.

Trust Him, and He will not fail you!