May God be part of your Every Decision

 I hope you and the readers don’t mind that I just seem to jump from topic to topic. I work so hard to stay focused in here, but it gets so hard at times. I never thought this was going to be as bad it is becoming.  I read the bible, and all of the things you send me, but there’s so little to occupy my time. It would be so great if some folks would write to me. I don’t mind answering any questions, or just corresponding. Will you give them my address?  I enjoy looking at the blog excerpts you send me, and am really surprised that people are reading this. I just do the best I can to get through these days, and to learn all I can so as to be a better person and to make a difference in the world and to help my children heal, as God allows us to reconnect.

Let’s see, today.November 23rd, I’ve been in here 84 days. It has been great to at least hear what is going on in the world through others. The Tarheels won today, 8-20, a football game! Appalachian State also did great 24-0 against WNCU at halftime.

I put in yet another request form for medical to let me have thermals. I just stay cold in here, and with the pain, it is bad. They are the only one who can administer the 490 for them. I just took a shower and feel so much better. I don’t understand why they won’t let us bathe everyday. They have plenty of personnel to do so. I mean, I do understand that it is a form of punishment, but to what end? I’m hungry, and have one more peanut butter and jelly sandwich, so will eat that here at 10 p.m. and write more later…

11/24/13

I was listening to 106.9 and the Christian music has more power than ever before, for some reason. I started crying this morning listening, just raising my hands, swaying back and forth and singing. It was so meaningful to hear God’s word, and to feel His love filling my heart. Without Him, I’d not have the strength to continue. I can do nothing in my own strength. I will fail every time, but realizing this and confessing this to God, believing in his Son will give me true strength and power. This truly lifts my Spirit, which is the power of Jesus in me.

The after affects of this entire incident from August 31 has been horrible. I now see that they’ve added 15, yes 15 years to my sentence because I didn’t want to suffocate in a prison cell, and asked for a CO to do something about the lack of moving air, and they’ve given me 24 points. I will be forced to do almost a year in isolation and continued to be punished for two or three more years afterward!

I still can’t over being so cold…I am in a building and have to wear 3 shirts, 2 shirt jackets, and pants, and my feet are still cold!

I just want to wish you all a wonderful Thanksgiving, and be sure to be thankful for all that you have-there’s always someone out there doing far worse. I will continue to write more of what God is teaching me in my next letters. May God be part of your every decision.

Trust Him, and He will not fail you!

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Keep your eye on God’s will

10/25/13

relationships, injustice, solitude

Psalm 37:7-9
Be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait patiently for him to act. Don’t worry about evil people who prosper or fret about their wicked schemes. Stop being angry! Turn from your rage! Do not lose your temper—it only leads to harm. For the wicked will be destroyed, but those who trust in the Lord will possess the land.”

Don’t worry about me; well, maybe a little, but not enough to get anxious.

We need to stay focused on what will help us move forward. Moving forward

doesn’t mean forgetting – it just means we do better to work on what we are able to change now, and work on what we can’t when it looks like we can make a difference later. Our true goal is to get me out. But, your daily goal is to our family.

Just keep your eye on God’s will to occur in your life, as well as the children’s.

I don’t know where I’m going with this except that I don’t want you to be kept from your daily life.

I keep having these sharp pains in the incision. I guess it is healing, but I don’t remember pains like this from the last surgery at home. I don’t think the doctor did a very good job, but that could just be my opinion. I think this pain, and being in here so long now makes me confuse myself sometimes. Ideas, thoughts just flow right out of head, and I forget what I was doing or thinking…

They came by tonight and gave me another blanket, Thank you, Jesus; and I asked the CO if I could change my original for another, as you could see through the only one I had, so he did. Now, I will be a little warmer in here.

Praise God for such relief. It may be small to most reading this, but in here, where things are out of your control to care for yourself, the little things become even more important. I really wish I had those ear muffs you bought me for when I had to repair equipment in the winter. They always kept my head warm.

I’m just starting to feel my legs, and ate a peanut butter sandwich. I wish there was hot intstead of just cold, constant air blowing on me. I wish you were here with me to keep me warm. The low for tonight is the upper 20’s, and with no quilts or covers, even wearing two undershirts and a work shirt isn’t enough.