You don’t need to cry about missing the visit.
Please know that I know you want to visit, and most of the time,
that is enough. Yes, I would love for you to come always, but I don’t need you to suffer for naught.
Yeah, I know I can do this time in here. God is with me, so who can be against me?
I just need some things to do to get me through the day. I read the bible that you sent me, and I read some other booklets that the Good News Magazine sent. I as do word searches and listen to sermons, and world news.
Most of the guys here don’t seem to be suffering. They wear this as a badge of honor. They talk to each other like brothers and just sleep, for the most part. They do like to talk late at night, which means I have to ear ear plugs.
Well, I guess you haven’t gotten some of my other letters yet. The lawyer’s work will take some time, and I won’t know anything for awhile.
You know, you talk about when we first met, and just the other day I was thinking about that. It could have been when you were thinking about it, or because I was it made you think of it. We were always like that, finishing each others sentences, feeling each other’s thoughts, because I know we are bound together. That’s why I can feel you so close to me and know what you feel. I have to hold back tears, and feel like exploding because I know when you’ve been with another, or I know when you’re sad or crying.
Your writing about when we first met reminded me of how drawn I was to you, and how I didn’t want to let you go. I had to woe you for three weeks! I sit here on the bunk and just burst out laughing when I got to the part about how your bed would slide across the floor! It would hit the other wall, and just keep bouncing against it until we got done, that stupid litle chihuahua of yours barking the whole time!
Yes, it meant the world to me to watch our sons being born, knowing that you and I made these little people together, from our love for each other. It was scary when A took so long to come out, and then to see his head as he emerged, with his little fist smashed against his face, and you screaming because he seemed to be stuck. Then, finally, he appeared, and the midwife pulled him out to the world, cleaned him off, and handed him to me. To see those big, wide eyes looking back at me, and his little out of shape head, it was amazing!
It took you FOR ever to open your eyes, and then to hold him close, your eyes all blood shot, exhausted, but he was here. We struggled so much to get him on the breast, but finally figured out how to help him, especially after knowing he was tongue-tied. Now, looking back, being with you was the only thing I did right.
Sometimes when I read your letters, I can feel your hair tickling my nose! I feel you with me so often as though we are talking about your day.
I pray for you and the boys, and await for us to be brought back together. I need to feel you close to me, because I feel so alone. You complete me as a man, just as God completes me spiritually.
I felt for so long that I was your soul mate, but I didn’t know if you ever felt that way about me. That is the only way to explain why we feel each other closely, and know what the other is thinking at times. We are more connected than most can explain. Please forgive me for all the times I was an “ass”, and for being so selfish.
You pushed me to seek God always, and I refused to listen, but you stayed with me anyway, through it all. Now, I’m pushing you to God for the love you need just as I gave you the love you needed back then.
I love you so much and feel you near me always. I think of you all throughout the day, and can’t wait until we can be together again. I’m closing now, so I can get this in the mail.
I love you all.