Little Victories

 

1/27/14

One need not always trust in the 'large' things -  Isaiah 31  King James Version (KJV) 31 Woe to them that go down to Egypt for help; and stay on horses, and trust in chariots, because they are many; and in horsemen, because they are very strong; but they look not unto the Holy One of Israel, neither seek the Lord!

One need not always trust in the ‘large’ things –
Isaiah 31
King James Version (KJV)
31 Woe to them that go down to Egypt for help; and stay on horses, and trust in chariots, because they are many; and in horsemen, because they are very strong; but they look not unto the Holy One of Israel, neither seek the Lord!

I’m reading your letter to be about how you feel imprisoned, somewhat like  I am experiencing, although our prisons are different. No matter what either of us does, we can’t escape. This is God, working on our outer selves, which is essential to allow God’s Spirit to be released. Praise God for how you’ve been able to surrender to this discipline, and for learning patience with our children. I’m so glad to hear the boys are branching out, and aren’t so afraid to do their own things. I’m so proud of their growth amid all of the things they’ve been through. I just pray they see how loved they are by God, and are being taught by Him in so many ways. God is working on Nate so he can learn to discern who his real friends are, and to not feel ashamed for speaking out against injustice at school. God is using my suffering to teach them, to reach others, as well who need to realize the anguish and injustice in their own backyards.

I have to admit, I’ve been under attack now for over a week. I’ve not been happy with what God is allowing to happen in my life. I stay confused and blocked from understanding what is happening to me. I know I have to work through it, and am battling this selfish outer man. You have been so encouraging throughout this whole ordeal, and  know your love for me is real. I just feel so weakened and alone lately, and have to just give it to God…

I’ve noticed my eyes become blurry after reading awhile.  I have to pull the book or paper away from my face to be able to ready clearly. I used to have 20-15 vision, but only God knows what being in isolation has done…

I’m watching 60 minutes and listening to how there is such a shortage of psych0logists and therapists across the nati0n; and stories like what you’ve been through recently with our boys. Then they talked about how there are lack of beds in the institutions for the extreme behavior needs like what we experienced with my two children that led us to end up like this, due to not having adequate care in the mental health fields. If you can google this, maybe you will find some support sites so you have other people to talk to, and can maybe even get some help with our case. Isn’t it amazing how much has to happen before things like this come to the light?

Speaking of lights, this crew tonight is the one that often leaves our lights on until midnight, which was the main reason I wrote the grievance about not having any relief from the lighting. Tonight, though, they went out at 10:38 p.m., which is so wonderful! Even the little things feel like big victories!

 

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I’m starting to feel more value and worth…

1/24/14

They posted here recently that if any inmate is found with extra clothing, he will be subject to disciplinary action.

So my request has gotten some attention along with your past emails.

The heat has also been adjusted now to be more comfortable, I’m not currently freezing.

So, God is moving these people to do more right for us. But, I had to put my extra clothes in the dirty clothes pickup, so as not to get a false ‘charge’, except for my extra sheets. This is yet another form of God getting me to further trust Him for all of my needs. As I’m writing, I’m only in boxers and a t-shirt. That is a first here for the winter. I did take a shower, and I feel fine, even though it is supposed to get down to 5 degrees tonight. Normally the cold would be unbearable.

I received your letter today, and I rejoice in the Lord for all that He has done, using you to help so many of us here through your letters and blog posts. I’ve continued to struggle to work out, and am up to 3 sets of 35 pushups, squats, 75 toe touches, crunches, leg lifts, and some planks. I used to do so much more, but it is a start; even 3 months later, but praise God! The biggest thing is the jump from numbness to sharp pains and back, even below the bend in my leg all the way up to my groin. I’ve written a grievance, but nothing is done. They don’t care…what are you spraying on these letters, it’s driving me crazy! I can’t wait to hold you in my arms again. I miss your cooking…I want to hold you so badly…My heart longs for you day and night…why won’t you write me some of your poetry, you are so good at putting your heart into words on the page?

Thank you so much again for the SAT prep black book. It’s so full of wonderful help. Giving me a better understanding keeps me from being so scared. All my life I’ve been scared of taking tests. Mostly because I never could grasp concepts the teachers were teaching. I wasn’t favored by any of my teachers in either middle or high school. I guess I just assumed I didn’t have the brains to be in school. It kept me fearful of further education;  I just worked with my hands. The hands-on learning gave me better understanding of concepts that I’m currently learning. For the first time I’m excited to have this chance to learn, and to start a new chapter in my life. Maybe this will help my children to see the importance of continuing their education if I can be successful. Image

Allow God to break the outer self

 Psalm 136  King James Version (KJV) 136 O give thanks unto the Lord; for he is good: for his mercy endureth for ever. 2 O give thanks unto the God of gods: for his mercy endureth for ever. 3 O give thanks to the Lord of lords: for his mercy endureth for ever.


Psalm 136
King James Version (KJV)
136 O give thanks unto the Lord; for he is good: for his mercy endureth for ever.
2 O give thanks unto the God of gods: for his mercy endureth for ever.
3 O give thanks to the Lord of lords: for his mercy endureth for ever.

12/30/13

 

Dear Rochelle,

God is love. That is what God wants all men and women to know. As God’s children, we search for love, but often don’t know where to look. It’s hard for us to understand His love because it comes freely. We think there is always a price for love. Why? Well, we often equate sex for love. Sex should only be a by-product of our love as man and wife, not what comes first. We have replaced God’s love with empty words. We want to find satisfaction and we think sex is the answer, but we can never be fulfilled in this way.

From partner to partner we look, but our answers cannot be found in ‘man’. This is one way God breaks the outer self, to show us that we are not in control. Time after time He shows us. It is only in knowing God that our emptiness subsides. When our outer self is broken, then we receive great joy, a feeling beyond the flesh, beyond explanation. It is the one ture love that we should seek first, and then we will be equally yoked with a partner.

Now, don’t think that it isn’t that I don’t desire you, Rochelle. You are never far from my thoughts. My wanting you burns deep, wanting once again to be intimate with you. I now know that my love for you is pure, as it has moved beyond the simple physical. Intimacy as husband and wife is a pouring out of God’s love; His spirit being in them both to become one before God. There is no shame in God’s eyes so why should be ashamed in front of each other? Our society has become so corrupt that we no longer live for God. His love then becomes bound inside us, and cannot be released.

The outer self has to be disciplined and broken to pieces in order for God’s spirit to be released. We need to allow God to be the blacksmith, and bend us in His fire to be made anew.  We have to lay ourselves before God, and give ourselves up, seeking Him intimately. Only then will you find the true love that you seek.

You have brought me out of a pit

12/19/13
I feel God’s presence even more, as I work to get past feelings of negativity and doom.
I now see things in a different light. There is a new perspective and a way of looking
at what is sightly to God, not my own selfishness.

I will start a draft for the CPS complaint you told me to write so they are forced to see
the results of their falsified and incomplete findings. Guilford County must be made to rectify their illegal and unconstitutional decisions. They just say whatever they like on reports and then alter the truth to meet their own agendas of increasing their bonuses and trying to justify their funding, instead of looking fully at what is happening in the entire picture. They are never forced to see the repercussions caused by their mistakes and lack of training, even altering what they report to make themselves seem in a better light, while other children are receiving no help that they so sorely need.

They actually gave us a Christmas bad today – with ramen noodles, some chips, a rice krispy treat, a Snickers bar, and a Slim Jim type stick, as well as a granola bar. To some this would seem laughable, but to those in isolation who are not allowed to purchase ANY extra food items, it’s a huge treat!

I got your card today, and it reaffirmed what my humanness needed – a confirmation of love. I ask your forgiveness, you’ve been so strong! Please forgive my unbelief, how could I ever doubt? Your cards and letters have brought me out of a pit where I continue to throw myself and hide. My whole heart melted reading your card! With God’s strength I will build my self worth.
I thank God for a wife such as you! Even as they’ve torn the whole back off of the envelope due to your colorful stickers of angels on it.

Being indigent, I have to make my meals draw out longer, and I try to win as many stamps as I can, and hopefully they will give me a pair of shower shoes. Oh, and I have to send home most of my court papers and old mail as I am toting around so much stuff, and I can get in trouble. Just put the mail up, and get it out as you wish to write a book about all of this. It would make a great romance novel!

I have no value unless it comes through God

The mind of man plans his way but the Lord directs his steps. Proverbs 16:9

The mind of man plans his way but the Lord directs his steps. Proverbs 16:9

12/5/13 .

…….

Praise God for keeping me calm, and knowing when to keep my mouth shut.

The assistant superintendent came in today and looked in my room to see if he could find anything wrong. He saw that

I had a paper cover over most of my light. Not that it really did any good during the day, but as we don’t get

any relief from the constant light, it did help at night. He made me take it down. I complied, as I don’t need any more write ups.

No matter what they do, I am receiving lessons, and God is with me, so who can be against me?

I no longer have my own strength, but the full measure comes from God himself. NO one else got in trouble for their papers,

but I just accepted it as part of what is coming as we have started these formal grievances.

We only have an 8 x 10 cell, with 4 long fluorescent bulbs keeping it lit up in here. Some days they are on for over 19 hours.

My heart rate went up, knowing I was the one singled out, I heard a whisper in my ear stating, “I am in control.”

Just seeing his face angered me, but God’s spirit kept me calm.

What I’m trying to tell y0u is that I have no value unless it comes through God. All my own actions are worthless until I submit fully to God’s will working in my life.

Now that you have sent things to the representatives and congress and the governor, things should get tougher on the prison.  They were hoping this would just disappear. But, that hasn’t happened. God is in control.

I did do some exercising, and was able to get in 10 pushups before I had a sharp pain and stopped.  I did 36 toe touches and 50 side bends. I sometimes get these sharp inner pains, but the swelling has started to go down a little, almost two months later.

I’m drinking a cup of my coffee now, thinking of all of these evenings we would sit in the swing on the front porch and watch the stars in the summer, or winter and there’d be steam coming off of our breaths as we talked about our day or things to do with the kids.

I took for granted all those blessed days. I now await God’s next chapter of our lives together. I know it will be quite an experience.

Things will work out according to God’s will. We have to wait on God and not force it to be something we want, when we want it.

I love you.

No one would ever be treated like this in the outside world

imgHeroFeelingLoneliness

11/29/13
Well, no one has come to evaluate me for a better type of diet, NMT-3,
even though I’ve requested it several times. Also, my response to the
request for thermals came back denied, “Custody is only allowed to issue thermals to inmates who work.”

But, I’ve some how made it through another cold night, praise God! The air blows like hard like the wind in PA, that never stopped in winter. Even now when I sit to write, it beats on my arms, face, chest and hands, even making them blue. The nurse did come by at 5:30, praise God, and ask if I wanted pain meds; of course I said ‘yes’, and after eating could actually sleep a little, even with the lights on. You would go crazy in here, as they are never off. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone. This relief for the pain has been a tremendous help, and has at least given me some sort rest. Praise God for his works through you! And, for you to feel strong enough to stand up to these giants. They are truly bullies to us in here.

God meant for all of us to rest, but not in this prison.
The same people who administer these cruel conditions should have to endure them for a few months, this torture, and see if there is then any reform in the prison system.

 

Here is what happened with the heat, from what I can tell – it came on, and was warm for one day, and then the next day a mechanic was out, and then the lights were flickering on and off, like they were looking for what fuse was tripped, or trying to figure out why the heat wasn’t working. It was never fixed after that one attempt.

When I woke up this morning, after my time in the rec cage, I was throbbing with pain from the attempt at walking and stretching. Even with the meds, it still hurts to exercise, but I keep on because you said it would be best for the scar tissue and where the tissue is growing over the mesh.

12/1/13
Good morning, love. I went to rec again, it was inside this time. I can’t get over this pain – it has been seven weeks now, and I feel weird all the way down to the bottom of my groin. All of my male ‘parts’ are experiencing numbness, but they have done NO diagnostics, either before or after my surgery to see what is happening to my insides. I also have these sharp pains that throb down there, as well, and when I walk, it feels like something is rubbing inside. It’s hard to explain. IF they would just take me to a doctor who would do standard protocol, and xray or something, then they could better understand what IS going on, if it’s an infection or if something is wrong, they could fix it. I would never be treated like this in the outside world.
A man was put in here today, just for speaking during the Moorish Science Temple time in the chapel. The administrator said he couldn’t teach what he was saying, but the man didn’t stop. He was then given a C-3 charge for speaking on his beliefs. However, that won’t be on the official charge, of course. But, that same officer was also the DHO overseeing the case, which totally goes against policy. But, there’s no one to help us get any sort of justice.

part 6, end of complaint against Greensboro Assistant DA, injustice in North Carolina

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………end of 16 p. Formal Complaint against Assistant DA Hubbard to the NC Bar, asking for appropriate relief from wrongful imprisonment…

p. 567 9-10 “Well, I contend to you that you can believe Veronica.”  Finch v. United States, 867 A.2d 222,227 (D.C. 2005) (Improper for prosecutor to express evident opinion that government witness’ testimony had been incredibly straightforward.”) Diaz v. United States, 716 A.2d 173, 180 (D.C. 1997) (Improper for prosecutor to misstate the record by implying that defendant lied) p. 567 21-25 And I contend to you that if you apply those tests to the testimony of Veronica Palacios that you heard from the witness stand, that you won’t have any doubt that she is telling you the truth and that she is absolutely credible.” p.568 lines 1-4 In fact, the only question —— the only question that matters in this case is do you believe Veronica? If you do, then clearly the defendant is guilty of all these crimes. p. 570, lines 17-25       But, again, you know, she —— she —— at this interview she  wasn’t out to make herself look good or make herself look perfect or anything else. She was obviously out to tell the truth. And that’s what she was doing. And now, you know, because they have so little to —— to hang their hat  on —— MS. BAILEY: Objection. MR. HUBBARD: —— the defense is saying ——THE COURT: Overruled.

Powell v. United States, 455 A.2d 13, 16 (D.C. 1982) (“It is for the jury, not the counsel, to decide whether a witness is telling the truth. An attorney may not divert jurors from this task by injecting his personal evaluation as to a witness’ veracity…The prosecutor may not publically cast his vote.”) Dyson v. United States, 418 A.2d 127, 130 (D.C. 1980) (en banc) (Reversible error where porsecutor characterized dense testimony as “falsehood”, argued that there was “not a grain of truth in this defense” and asserted that the defense witnesses had “lied”) W

p.571, lines 1-3  Hubbard: – the defense is saying, Oh, well…cut it off, don’t watch the rest of it, don’t want to put it in context.”  Making untoward comments about assuming what the defense is saying. p. 571 Lines 8-25,  Imagine the most personal or embarrassing or hurtful moment of your life, whatever that might be, and then imagine – and it’s probably – hopefully for none of you that moment is that for four and a half years you were abused by – sexually abused by your father. But, in any event, imagine whatever that moment might be, and the imagine you were a fifteen-year-old girl, as she is now. And some of y’all have children and know…And imagine you had to go in and sit up here in this witness stand…But imagine you had to sit up here and look out at your family… p.572 lines1-6 But she did an admirable, commendable job of remaining quiet and respectful and cogently and intelligently telling you all these hurtful and embarrassing and terrible things that she suffered at the hands of one of the people who should have loved her most. He should have protected her from people like him.

Morris v. United States, 564 A.2d 746 (D.C. 1989) (Improper for prosecutor to invite jurors to imagine conversations between co-defendants)

ABA Standards for Criminal Justice, Standard 3-5.8 (a). (“the prosecutor should not intentionally misstate evidence or mislead jury as to the inferences it may draw.”) -taken from www.tdcaa.com/node/5266 A prosecuting attorney, though free to strike hard blows, is not at liberty to strike foul ones, either directly or indirectly … 21 This was improper because it was simply “a plea for abandonment of objectivity” rather than any legal basis for punishment. “Place yourselves in the shoes of the victim … How would you feel? What would you want?”22 Again, this is improper because it invites the jury to assess punishment based on a sense of vengeance rather than the facts and the law. p. 572 Lines 14-18 She did commendably well in telling you the truth about what happened to her. She has no reason to lie despite what Ms. Bailey said.

p.573 1-3 She didn’t do this because she wanted to get out of the house. She did it because she wanted the abuse to stop. She wanted her father not to be able to come in and have sex with her whenever he felt like it.

p. 574 –lines7-11 The only thing that this child had to gain from coming forward – well, a couple of things, for the pain and the abuse to stop and maybe hopefully to see a little bit of justice, to see that somebody does care enough to tell him that it’s not okay. In order to establish plain error, West must show that any error in giving the transferred intent instruction was “obvious or readily apparent, and that it was so clearly prejudicial  [*7]  to [his] substantial rights as to jeopardize the very fairness and integrity of the trial.” Id. (quoting Harris v. United States, 602 A.2d 154, 159 & n.6 (D.C. 1992) (en banc) (citations omitted)). Aralles with  8th Amendment NC & US Constitution   8th Amendment NC & US Constitution   Article 26 – Bail.  Northern California Innocence Project brought a state habeas petition, which was granted on the basis of the cumulative harm done by egregious prosecutorial misconduct.

……..

Where is the justice here?