God’s plan may not make sense right now…

12/12/13
We are more connected now beyond what most can understand.
Reading your last letter put me there with you and our boys.
I could feel Nate’s pain through each word you wrote.
I wept so hard for him, as I felt his pain.
It never gets easier to bear. But, you and I truly did our best.
If nothing else, it was mostly my fault. I felt so bad because we’d had no choice but to send DJ back to that hellhole with his mother. We just couldn’t get any help from the mental health system.
There is never enough to go around for these kids(kids with special needs), as the funding is always cut to line someone else’s pockets further up the chain.

I was just blinded by wanting to show Daniel Jr. love; I needed him to see that I cared for him. I was so excited about being a project manager, having a job ‘back home’ after being up north for that time away from Southern people and family; it felt like a new start.
I also didn’t want him to feel the way that my dad made me feel, that I was nothing, worthless…
When we moved back to North Carolina, I had hoped that perhaps we could start over, maybe do family therapy, try again to get some help and find out what exactly had been going on. We just didn’t know.
There was so much confusion, and Carolyn always kept the older kids riled up and starting things at home; it was hard to keep things calm.
Nothing I can say will change what happened, I just pray to God, for it all.

I pray, for all of my children to receive healing. There is nothing I can do in here, but pray, the hurt is so strong knowing that we just weren’t fully aware of the extent of the damage that was occurring. God forgive DJ for doing those acts, and I pray Veronica, Nate and Alex will learn to lean on the Lord to give them hope. Their faith will grow as ours has, and even though God’s plan may not make sense right now, it will in time, according to His purpose. Nothing I can say, as a man can make anything right. My love has become so much stronger knowing Jesus’ love is so much more than we can understand. I wish I could hold all of them, my children, and give them comfort where there is none, and let them feel their daddy’s love again. May they feel God’s love around them, giving them comfort.

They are still tearing off the holiday stickers that you put on my envelopes. But, at least they aren’t marking out the bible verses you write on them. I am listening to the Christmas shoe song. It always makes me cry to hear that. I miss my mom so much. She never had much, but she always tried to give more than she had. Those little gifts meant so much to her to be able to give to her children and grandchildren. It wasn’t the toy that mattered, it was what was in her heart. She was so giving!
helping-others

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No one would ever be treated like this in the outside world

imgHeroFeelingLoneliness

11/29/13
Well, no one has come to evaluate me for a better type of diet, NMT-3,
even though I’ve requested it several times. Also, my response to the
request for thermals came back denied, “Custody is only allowed to issue thermals to inmates who work.”

But, I’ve some how made it through another cold night, praise God! The air blows like hard like the wind in PA, that never stopped in winter. Even now when I sit to write, it beats on my arms, face, chest and hands, even making them blue. The nurse did come by at 5:30, praise God, and ask if I wanted pain meds; of course I said ‘yes’, and after eating could actually sleep a little, even with the lights on. You would go crazy in here, as they are never off. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone. This relief for the pain has been a tremendous help, and has at least given me some sort rest. Praise God for his works through you! And, for you to feel strong enough to stand up to these giants. They are truly bullies to us in here.

God meant for all of us to rest, but not in this prison.
The same people who administer these cruel conditions should have to endure them for a few months, this torture, and see if there is then any reform in the prison system.

 

Here is what happened with the heat, from what I can tell – it came on, and was warm for one day, and then the next day a mechanic was out, and then the lights were flickering on and off, like they were looking for what fuse was tripped, or trying to figure out why the heat wasn’t working. It was never fixed after that one attempt.

When I woke up this morning, after my time in the rec cage, I was throbbing with pain from the attempt at walking and stretching. Even with the meds, it still hurts to exercise, but I keep on because you said it would be best for the scar tissue and where the tissue is growing over the mesh.

12/1/13
Good morning, love. I went to rec again, it was inside this time. I can’t get over this pain – it has been seven weeks now, and I feel weird all the way down to the bottom of my groin. All of my male ‘parts’ are experiencing numbness, but they have done NO diagnostics, either before or after my surgery to see what is happening to my insides. I also have these sharp pains that throb down there, as well, and when I walk, it feels like something is rubbing inside. It’s hard to explain. IF they would just take me to a doctor who would do standard protocol, and xray or something, then they could better understand what IS going on, if it’s an infection or if something is wrong, they could fix it. I would never be treated like this in the outside world.
A man was put in here today, just for speaking during the Moorish Science Temple time in the chapel. The administrator said he couldn’t teach what he was saying, but the man didn’t stop. He was then given a C-3 charge for speaking on his beliefs. However, that won’t be on the official charge, of course. But, that same officer was also the DHO overseeing the case, which totally goes against policy. But, there’s no one to help us get any sort of justice.

part 6, end of complaint against Greensboro Assistant DA, injustice in North Carolina

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………end of 16 p. Formal Complaint against Assistant DA Hubbard to the NC Bar, asking for appropriate relief from wrongful imprisonment…

p. 567 9-10 “Well, I contend to you that you can believe Veronica.”  Finch v. United States, 867 A.2d 222,227 (D.C. 2005) (Improper for prosecutor to express evident opinion that government witness’ testimony had been incredibly straightforward.”) Diaz v. United States, 716 A.2d 173, 180 (D.C. 1997) (Improper for prosecutor to misstate the record by implying that defendant lied) p. 567 21-25 And I contend to you that if you apply those tests to the testimony of Veronica Palacios that you heard from the witness stand, that you won’t have any doubt that she is telling you the truth and that she is absolutely credible.” p.568 lines 1-4 In fact, the only question —— the only question that matters in this case is do you believe Veronica? If you do, then clearly the defendant is guilty of all these crimes. p. 570, lines 17-25       But, again, you know, she —— she —— at this interview she  wasn’t out to make herself look good or make herself look perfect or anything else. She was obviously out to tell the truth. And that’s what she was doing. And now, you know, because they have so little to —— to hang their hat  on —— MS. BAILEY: Objection. MR. HUBBARD: —— the defense is saying ——THE COURT: Overruled.

Powell v. United States, 455 A.2d 13, 16 (D.C. 1982) (“It is for the jury, not the counsel, to decide whether a witness is telling the truth. An attorney may not divert jurors from this task by injecting his personal evaluation as to a witness’ veracity…The prosecutor may not publically cast his vote.”) Dyson v. United States, 418 A.2d 127, 130 (D.C. 1980) (en banc) (Reversible error where porsecutor characterized dense testimony as “falsehood”, argued that there was “not a grain of truth in this defense” and asserted that the defense witnesses had “lied”) W

p.571, lines 1-3  Hubbard: – the defense is saying, Oh, well…cut it off, don’t watch the rest of it, don’t want to put it in context.”  Making untoward comments about assuming what the defense is saying. p. 571 Lines 8-25,  Imagine the most personal or embarrassing or hurtful moment of your life, whatever that might be, and then imagine – and it’s probably – hopefully for none of you that moment is that for four and a half years you were abused by – sexually abused by your father. But, in any event, imagine whatever that moment might be, and the imagine you were a fifteen-year-old girl, as she is now. And some of y’all have children and know…And imagine you had to go in and sit up here in this witness stand…But imagine you had to sit up here and look out at your family… p.572 lines1-6 But she did an admirable, commendable job of remaining quiet and respectful and cogently and intelligently telling you all these hurtful and embarrassing and terrible things that she suffered at the hands of one of the people who should have loved her most. He should have protected her from people like him.

Morris v. United States, 564 A.2d 746 (D.C. 1989) (Improper for prosecutor to invite jurors to imagine conversations between co-defendants)

ABA Standards for Criminal Justice, Standard 3-5.8 (a). (“the prosecutor should not intentionally misstate evidence or mislead jury as to the inferences it may draw.”) -taken from www.tdcaa.com/node/5266 A prosecuting attorney, though free to strike hard blows, is not at liberty to strike foul ones, either directly or indirectly … 21 This was improper because it was simply “a plea for abandonment of objectivity” rather than any legal basis for punishment. “Place yourselves in the shoes of the victim … How would you feel? What would you want?”22 Again, this is improper because it invites the jury to assess punishment based on a sense of vengeance rather than the facts and the law. p. 572 Lines 14-18 She did commendably well in telling you the truth about what happened to her. She has no reason to lie despite what Ms. Bailey said.

p.573 1-3 She didn’t do this because she wanted to get out of the house. She did it because she wanted the abuse to stop. She wanted her father not to be able to come in and have sex with her whenever he felt like it.

p. 574 –lines7-11 The only thing that this child had to gain from coming forward – well, a couple of things, for the pain and the abuse to stop and maybe hopefully to see a little bit of justice, to see that somebody does care enough to tell him that it’s not okay. In order to establish plain error, West must show that any error in giving the transferred intent instruction was “obvious or readily apparent, and that it was so clearly prejudicial  [*7]  to [his] substantial rights as to jeopardize the very fairness and integrity of the trial.” Id. (quoting Harris v. United States, 602 A.2d 154, 159 & n.6 (D.C. 1992) (en banc) (citations omitted)). Aralles with  8th Amendment NC & US Constitution   8th Amendment NC & US Constitution   Article 26 – Bail.  Northern California Innocence Project brought a state habeas petition, which was granted on the basis of the cumulative harm done by egregious prosecutorial misconduct.

……..

Where is the justice here?

Unanswered Grievance to the NC Bar after 2 years, prosecutorial misconduct, wrongful imprisonment

……

Dyson v. United States, 418 A.2d 127, 130 n. 5 (D.C. 1980) (Prosecutor has ethical obligation not to express personal opinion on guilt.) Sherrod v. United States, 478 A.2d 644, 657 n.15 (D.C. 1984) (Error for prosecutor to express “personal belief in appellant’s guilt.”)

Lines 14-17 “And, of course, that’s the crime that occurred when they first moved back to Greensboro to 2021 Rankin Mill Road…and obviously Veronica testified to you that there were-began about a month or so after they –they moved back. Lines 25-26, “He’s the one who’s (sic) creating the situation where there’s so many times that he’s done that that she-she can’t tell you exactly how many times…But that’s no fault of hers. That is something that the defendant’s created.

-vouching for the credibility of witnesses or offering a personal opinion about the evidence U.S. Constitution amend. VI (“In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right…to be confronted with the witnesses against him…”) Finch v. United States, 867 A. 2.d 222, 227 (D.C. 2005) (Improper for prosecutor to express evident opinion that government witness’ testimony had been “incredibly straightforward.”) p. 556, lines 13-15 So, intercourse occurred during that time is first-degree rape of a child under the age of thirteen years. p.557, Lines2-4  All indications. In any event, clearly that is sexual intercourse within the definition. Over and over, he assumes guilt to a jury that has not deliberated. Lines 7-10 And obviously prior to –since this is between February 1st of 2008 and August the 1st of 2008 she was twelve years old during that time period. So she was under the age of thirteen. Lines20-21 I contend that the evidence you heard more than proves that. p. 558 contorting the truth and what defendant said to make it look like something else was said lines 6-13, Second, that the person with whom the defendant had vaginal intercourse was the defendant’s child. It was uncontroverted, the defendant said it himself, that she’s his daughter. So, you can take that as proven. (Nothing was proven other than common public knowledge – defendant knows that Veronica is his daughter.)

Lines 15-25 do nothing but further confuse the ‘evidence’. Line 24 states “There’s no doubt of that being proven.” But what was proven through all of that? Just when her birthdays were and that I am her father. He continues on in that vein of discussion for two more pages. Nothing is proven. p.560, lines, 16-17 “and again, I would contend that the evidence more than adequately proves that occurred. Washington v. United States, 397 A.2d 946, 951 (D.C. 1979) (Misconduct for prosecutor to argue, “I believe [witness’] testimony”) p.562, 11-13 “And this evidence proves, I contend, that he has committed that particular act, he’s guilty of that particular act.” Hyman v. United States, 342 A.2d 43,45 (D.C. 1975) (“[A] prosecutor may not express his opinion of the veracity of a witness…since such remarks amount to unsworn testimony and as such are impermissible”) – alludes to the 6th amend. Right to enjoy the right to be confronted with the witnesses against him…”) p.563 lines 1-3 “And so therefore we can take that element as well as having been proven”. What, that I wasn’t married to her? That isn’t even a question. p. 563 Lines 19-22, “So, I could have charged many more counts based on the number of times that she described, but we didn’t know the exact number of times.” Daye v. United States, 733 A.2d 321, 328 n.6 (DC 1999) (Improper for prosecutor to argue that “[i]f we had other evidence that [government witness] committed this murder, we would have prosecuted him for that.”) p.565 Lines 14-16,”… which I contend, both of those I contend are proven to you by the evidence you heard.” p.567 lines 4-6 I contend to you that this evidence more than amply proves each and every element of each – of each of these charges beyond a reasonable doubt.”

…continued…

January 2012 Complaint to the NC Bar, p.2 unresolved in 2014

2008 – Veronica was having a great deal of trouble with authority figures at Eastern Guilford Middle. We encouraged her to go to the school counselor and even got special permission for her to be able to leave class to speak to them because she was having issues with bullying, as well as abusive actions by her math teacher. We went to several meetings to advocate for her and to help with her defiance and refusing to cooperate. We also had two incidents of a math teacher abusing her by not only making fun of her in class, but making her stand at the front of the class holding a penny in each hand for over twenty minutes for not doing her classwork, so we got her removed from that classroom to a different teacher. I have always gotten off of work to participate in IEP and other meetings for her. These records of meetings and my attendance could have been subpoenaed, again to help establish my authenticity as a caring parent, and to establish past patterns of the main witness.

2007-2009 Various doctor’s records to show where she had female pediatricians and had been examined by one in PA after staring menarche and in yearly follow-up check ups

Also because of now two erroneous news articles involving my case, it will be close to impossible to find old friends or other family members who would even have the money to put up the necessary collateral, and I will have to sit even longer unlawfully imprisoned.

II. Candor Toward the Tribunal
a. 1. As my wife mentioned in her grievance, James, Judy, Haley and Haley’s mom Shelley gave her permission to come inside the Crawford house and speak to Haley and her grandparents about what they knew Veronica had said. In the investigative notes, Shelley mentions she knew that my wife had spoken to Haley, although some of the wording was not true, as James and Judy were in the kitchen with Haley. James then proceeded to get on the stand and to deny that my wife had come in his house. Although Mr. Hubbard obvious wanted this testimony for his own gain, it would have been an important part of the presentation of material fact, especially if he had pursued his line of questioning to get James to admit that my wife had been welcomed in the home to speak with them. My wife had no idea the family knew for over a year that Veronica was making allegations, and was stunned to find out in a conversation with James that they had never been concerned over Veronica’s allegations. She was known to tell exaggerated stories.

2. In the investigative notes, Marcel Edwards, the CPS worker, noted that the parents kept talking about actions the children would do to get to go live with their mother, and how they had tried to get us trouble in the past by making false accusations, (see document 1). We also disclosed to Ms. Edwards that we had concerns about Daniel Jr. sexually abusing Veronica, as well as the possibility that Veronica had been molested by Carolyn’s former boyfriend, David Laughlin (her mother). We also relayed a story where my wife Rochelle had taken Veronica, Daniel and Nicholas to private swimming lessons one year. Veronica got a bruise on her leg while learning to dive, yet her mother drug her down to the Randleman Sheriff’s Department and coerced Veronica to falsely state that my wife had beat her with a belt. The intake person dismissed it, noting that it was not consistent with a belt mark. Veronica held that in for over six months, and then called in tears because she wanted to tell my wife she was sorry for doing that. Mr. Hubbard would have been aware of these notes, yet did nothing in the pursuit of justice to see what past issues there could have been, and the potential of an alternative suspect.

We told Ms. Edwards that there were signs that Veronica was being sexually abused from as early on as two years old. I had a past girlfriend, Shann Long, who could testify to what she noticed about Veronica when she was still in diapers. My wife, Rochelle also disclosed that she had caught Daniel Jr. acting out sexually on Veronica in the closet when she was seven and he was nine, and that’s why we started therapy in 2002. Our information was more or less discarded.

III. Rule 3.8 Special Responsibilities of a Prosecutor
Comment

[1] A prosecutor has the responsibility of a minister of justice and not simply that of an advocate; the prosecutor’s duty is to seek justice, not merely to convict. This responsibility carries with it specific obligations to see that the defendant is accorded procedural justice and that guilt is decided upon the basis of sufficient evidence… A systematic abuse of prosecutorial discretion could constitute a violation of Rule 8.4.
[2…; the prosecutor should make timely disclosure to the defense of available evidence known to him or her that tends to negate the guilt of the accused, mitigate the degree of the offense, or reduce the punishment. Further, a prosecutor should not intentionally avoid pursuit of evidence merely because he or she believes it will damage the prosecutor’s case or aid the accused.

a. Responsibility of a minister of justice – I was told during one of my consultations with the defense attorney, Sabrina Bailey, that Mr. Hubbard had intentions to attempt to prosecute my wife if she testified on my behalf. As you can see from the large list above, my wife could corroborate my alibi, as well as create a pretty strong case for my innocence. She could also create a pattern of past issues that Veronica had which would establish strong issues as to the credibility to Veronica’s testimony.

b. Intentionally avoiding pursuit of evidence was seen, when I was on the stand, Sabrina was giving me a chance to speak about my wife’s disability and our sons – all of whom have Asperger’s. (this documentation was provided in my wife’s grievance) Not only would this be crucial to creating a place for my wife to be able to testify by clarifying the one statement she made that Mr. Hubbard was holding over our heads, but it help the tribunal to have better understanding of the dynamic of our home, and the complications that we faced. He objected to my giving any information, and then waved away the defense’s attempt to bring pertinent information to the jury, especially as one juror worked with autistic people.

A prosecutor should not intentionally avoid pursuit of evidence… yet Mr. Hubbard does just that by threatening my wife to keep her from testifying. He is also obstructing justice by interfering with my right to an unbiased jury because my wife would have released pertinent information to not only establish alibi, but present to the Court and Tribunal. This also furthers the issue of respect to third parties, as she received no such respect.
IV. Rule 4.1 Truthfulness in Statements to Others
In the course of representing a client a lawyer shall not knowingly make a false statement of material fact or law to a third person.
Comment

Misrepresentation

[1] A lawyer is required to be truthful when dealing with others on a client’s behalf, but generally has no affirmative duty to inform an opposing party of relevant facts. A misrepresentation can occur if the lawyer incorporates or affirms a statement of another person that the lawyer knows is false. Misrepresentations can also occur by partially true but misleading statements or omissions that are the equivalent of affirmative false statements. For dishonest conduct that does not amount to a false statement or for misrepresentations by a lawyer other than in the course of representing a client, see Rule 8.4.

Statements of Fact

[2] This Rule refers to statements of fact. Whether a particular statement should be regarded as one of fact can depend on the circumstances. Under generally accepted conventions in negotiation, certain types of statements ordinarily are not taken as statements of material fact. Estimates of price or value placed on the subject of a transaction and a party’s intentions as to an acceptable settlement of a claim are ordinarily in this category, and so is the existence of an undisclosed principal except where nondisclosure of the principal would constitute fraud. Lawyers should be mindful of their obligations under applicable law to avoid criminal and tortuous misrepresentation.
However, Mr. Hubbard states over and over in terms of the allegations as being true, and to the honesty, credibility and straight-forwardness of the main witness. Not only is he misrepresenting me as already being a criminal (See p.549 of Mr. Hubbard’s closing argument, document 14), he covers up the differences found in the variety of testimony Veronica gives in different situations by stating on p. 567(see document 2),
Lines 20-25 And I contend to you that if you apply those tests to the testimony of Veronica Palacios that you heard from that witness stand, that you won’t have any doubt that she is telling you the truth and that she is absolutely credible.
p. 575 Lines 2-3 Her trial testimony, I contend to you, is remarkably consistent with her statements.
(caselaw is mentioned later)
But, if one looks at Veronica’s testimony, it becomes obviously just how much changes between investigative reports, and also changes within minutes of the earlier testimony before it when she is on the stand.
Note the discrepancies in her testimony. See document 3:
She said she was putting away her clothes when her father approached her from behind and…
Document 4:
Para. 4 Veronica said the sexual intercourse occurred either in her bedroom or Mr. Palacios’ bedroom, and also a (sic) on a couple of occasions in her brother’s bedroom. All three bedrooms are on the upper level of the home. (She later testifies that some of the bedrooms are downstairs and there is a fourth bedroom because my mother lives with us during most of the time she has made the allegations in North Carolina.)
Para. 8 Veronica said she could not give an exact number of times her father sexually abused her while in
North Carolina, but said it was sometimes as often as two or three times a week, then sometimes would not occur for a few weeks.
Document 5:
Lines 1-2 And where would it happen? In either in my room or in his room.
Lines 14-16 It was maybe every other day, maybe it was every day one right after another, or it would have been a week in between.
Document 6:
Lines 19-25 Would any of them be around when this was going on? No sir. Do you know where your step-mother was when this would happen – this would happen? No, sir.
Document 7:
Lines 23-25 It – he would come in my room sometimes at night or during the day. It depended on who was in the house or if he had the chance to, I guess…
Document 8:
Lines 7-9 He would come in my room during the day, at night, or whenever and he would take off my clothes…
Document 9:
Lines 2-3 He would – he would come in my room at night and during the day if – sometimes if my stepmom wasn’t there or if she was outside with the boys or in the backyard
Document 10:
Lines 4-6 And sometimes he would catch me off guard and I would be by myself and he would just – he would come-he would come towards me.
Lines 15-17 And he would come over to the bed and he would start – if I was asleep – it – it mostly occurred when I was asleep.
Now, under duress and the stress of keeping up with her variances she says something completely new.

Document 11:
Lines 9-11 How often did-did these events happen? They would happen maybe once a week, twice, I mean, every other day, every day. It varied.
Lines 12-14 And did that continue – you said it started how long after you moved back to Greensboro? Maybe a month, a month and a half.
Yet, she told Ms. Edwards the first time was maybe seven or eight months after the move to Greensboro.

Mr. Hubbard, in his desperation to cover up Veronica’s mistakes, creates statements of fact in his closing over the entirety of Document 12, the crux of which is stated on lines 14-19:
I mean, she can say, well, he had…but it happened sometime. It happened, you know, once-once in a week, sometimes it happened two days in a row, sometimes it, you know, went for a while and then it happened several times. It varied, she said. Again, he had the control, he had the access.
Again, he gives the pretense of stating fact.

Looking at Document 13,we see Kristal’s view:
Kristal said she spent the night with Veronica for the first time in November 2008 when she told her of the sexual abuse. Veronica told Kristal that her father would come in her bedroom when her mother was gone or asleep and make her do it…Kristal said Veronica told her the assaults happened almost every week, and usually occurred in her bedroom.

This will further be evidenced below in the discussion involving how Mr. Hubbard is leading the various witnesses’ testimony. He interrupts, manipulates and controls the testimony to the point that he takes over most of what is said on the stand, and puts himself in the role of witness, speaking at some points in the first person, which will be discussed specifically further down.
V. Rule 4.4 Respect for Rights of Third Persons
(a) In representing a client, a lawyer shall not use means that have no substantial purpose other than to embarrass, delay, or burden a third person, or use methods of obtaining evidence that violate the legal rights of such a person.

Comment

[1] Responsibility to a client requires a lawyer to subordinate the interests of others to those of the client, but that responsibility does not imply that a lawyer may disregard the rights of third persons. It is impractical to catalogue all such rights, but they include legal restrictions on methods of obtaining evidence from third persons and unwarranted intrusions into privileged relationships, such as the client-lawyer relationship.

VI. Rule 8.4 Misconduct
It is professional misconduct for a lawyer to:

Comment

[1] Lawyers are subject to discipline when they violate or attempt to violate the Rules of Professional Conduct, knowingly assist or induce another to do so or do so through the acts of another, as when they request or instruct an agent to do so on the lawyer’s behalf.

[2] … Offenses involving violence, dishonesty, breach of trust, or serious interference with the administration of justice are in that category.

A pattern of repeated offenses, even ones of minor significance when considered separately, can indicate indifference to legal obligation.
[3] For this reason, to establish a violation of paragraph (b), the burden of proof is the same as for any other violation of the Rules of Professional Conduct: it must be shown by clear, cogent, and convincing evidence that the lawyer committed a criminal act that reflects adversely on the lawyer’s honesty
…………to be continued………

Ready to take a stand against CPS in North Carolina

Hello, all.
Rochelle here.
I would like to give you an update on where I stand on this.
There is deep anger inside of me at being failed by a system sworn to protect its citizens, where people are supposed to be innocent until proven guilty, and where there is liberty and justice for all. That is far from the truth, and it is happening right under your noses.
Because of my strong faith in a loving God, and an understanding of the purpose of suffering in the lives of humans, I continue on.

After one year of extreme suffering over the loss of my family, my step-children, the trauma induced on my own two children, and the destruction of both my and my husband’s good name, Daniel and I discussed a divorce, for many reasons relating to his more or less life sentencing. After five months of further deliberations and much sadness, we wrote it up through the prison system. That did not change my love for him, it actually has strengthened it, as I have had to deal with so many struggles and pain from being abandoned as a single mom with no income or way to survive after what happened. I learned to rely on God, and had to go through the many stages of grief. As my sons come to terms with the abuse by their step-siblings, and the family’s destruction, they are also having to deal with their own loss of self, as my oldest step son abused him as he had been abused at his mother’s home, and we are not sure yet who all was involved in this sad atrocity.

We were not perfect, but we gave everything we had to raising these children, even with all of the trauma and abuse they came into my home with, and then perpetrated on my own children, as well as the manipulation and trauma and abuse I received from them. I understand suffering much better now, and can love these children who are now young adults, in a much more profound way, tempered by love of an unconditional God and through decades of work as a medicine woman, healer, and in working with the abused.

These past four years since the allegations started have been the most crucial, however. I must admit that the suffering, anguish, loss and poor treatment by professional men and women in many arenas, such as car repair, as landlords, teachers, mental hospital workers for my younger son, the prison officials and guards,  the lawyers both for the defense and the state has taught me a great deal. I have become more calm, patient, understanding, gentle and soft spoken.  I am MUCH more aware of the pain of others than I even thought I was capable of as an empath, and I have a much better understanding of how being an adult with autism, Asperger’s  – deeply affects how I view people and the world. I am much more compassionate towards my own boys with autism’s needs, and work harder than ever to be affectionate, aware and an active listener. When they destroy my things, hit me or cry out, “How can you tell me to love them after what they’ve done to us?” I cry and tell them they must understand that someone did these things to them, as well. Understanding a wrong does make it go away, just a little easier to carry through this life.

The biggest gift that I can share with the world is now being free from fear.

I no longer fear the lawyer with the $100k salary who threatened two already frightened and exhausted parents with the world against them. Nor do I fear the CPS director with the same salary, nor the two people below him who were angry, subjective women with a vendetta against men. I have talked to a few people about taking care of my boys, 12 and almost 14, should something ‘accidental’ happen to me. I’m doing my best to prepare whereas I was taken unawares and unprepared, trusting and naive before.

As a result, I am working to learn all I can about how to file a class action law suit, how to do legal research, and get to the truth of how to fight injustice, especially North Carolina, as that is my true home, and where I spent the majority of my life. I love the mountains of NC, and hope to have a permaculture based school there for special needs’ children. I had just started my Masters in Special Ed when this happened in 2009.

So, if you are someone who has truly been abused by CPS, especially men falsely accused in North Carolina, or you do pro-bono work, or know how to find someone who has knowledge of how to fight this system, please email me at chicanogets113years@gmail.com

If you are someone who feels ashamed, sad, hurt or abused by this system, and just want to talk, I am here.

In the meantime, I wrote a formal grievance to CPS in Guilford County two weeks ago, and I am going to start the research for legal retribution for the wrongs they’ve committed, even if I have to represent Daniel and I by myself. I will no longer rest while reading stories of how poor and middle class people’s families are being destroyed to line others’ pocket books. I will start posting segments of this grievance tonight.

Thank you for all who stop by, and for those who pray for all of us.

For those who are spying on me because you are guilty of destroying my family, I pray for you, as well. My God is the judge in the end, and offers a more lasting consequence than any you could lash upon this tired body.

Blessings and love,

Rochelle, Atsila Agisdii, Fire Eater – One who eats the pain of others

May God be part of your Every Decision

 I hope you and the readers don’t mind that I just seem to jump from topic to topic. I work so hard to stay focused in here, but it gets so hard at times. I never thought this was going to be as bad it is becoming.  I read the bible, and all of the things you send me, but there’s so little to occupy my time. It would be so great if some folks would write to me. I don’t mind answering any questions, or just corresponding. Will you give them my address?  I enjoy looking at the blog excerpts you send me, and am really surprised that people are reading this. I just do the best I can to get through these days, and to learn all I can so as to be a better person and to make a difference in the world and to help my children heal, as God allows us to reconnect.

Let’s see, today.November 23rd, I’ve been in here 84 days. It has been great to at least hear what is going on in the world through others. The Tarheels won today, 8-20, a football game! Appalachian State also did great 24-0 against WNCU at halftime.

I put in yet another request form for medical to let me have thermals. I just stay cold in here, and with the pain, it is bad. They are the only one who can administer the 490 for them. I just took a shower and feel so much better. I don’t understand why they won’t let us bathe everyday. They have plenty of personnel to do so. I mean, I do understand that it is a form of punishment, but to what end? I’m hungry, and have one more peanut butter and jelly sandwich, so will eat that here at 10 p.m. and write more later…

11/24/13

I was listening to 106.9 and the Christian music has more power than ever before, for some reason. I started crying this morning listening, just raising my hands, swaying back and forth and singing. It was so meaningful to hear God’s word, and to feel His love filling my heart. Without Him, I’d not have the strength to continue. I can do nothing in my own strength. I will fail every time, but realizing this and confessing this to God, believing in his Son will give me true strength and power. This truly lifts my Spirit, which is the power of Jesus in me.

The after affects of this entire incident from August 31 has been horrible. I now see that they’ve added 15, yes 15 years to my sentence because I didn’t want to suffocate in a prison cell, and asked for a CO to do something about the lack of moving air, and they’ve given me 24 points. I will be forced to do almost a year in isolation and continued to be punished for two or three more years afterward!

I still can’t over being so cold…I am in a building and have to wear 3 shirts, 2 shirt jackets, and pants, and my feet are still cold!

I just want to wish you all a wonderful Thanksgiving, and be sure to be thankful for all that you have-there’s always someone out there doing far worse. I will continue to write more of what God is teaching me in my next letters. May God be part of your every decision.

Trust Him, and He will not fail you!