It tears me up inside

 Matthew 18:19-20 King James Version (KJV) 19 Again I say unto you, That if two of you shall agree on earth as touching any thing that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven. 20 For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.


Matthew 18:19-20
King James Version (KJV)
19 Again I say unto you, That if two of you shall agree on earth as touching any thing that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven.
20 For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.

11/27/13

Are you guys getting snow there? There is only rain here, that I can tell.

I listened to Family Life tonight, and this segment was on a newborn in critical condition.

It tore my heart out, and I praised God for having such healthy children. I don’t think I could handle their struggles.

It takes a strong bond with the Lord to go through such struggles with children involved

and having to walk through such a deep valley knowing you only have such a short time with your baby is unimaginable.

There wouldn’t be a second to waste in those moments, and you won’t have a second chance to nurture or love that child.

Praise God for the length of time he gave me so far with each of my five children! Thank you, God!

I look forward and pray for the next chapter of our lives together. I so hope I can mend this large rift in all of our lives and someday see all of my children again.

I can’t seem to stop crying, and am now listening to ‘Turning Point’. I opened one of Nate’s old letters from 2011 when he was in the hospital after getting so out of control when they falsely imprisoned me. I still feel his pain from that time, and hate I could not be there to help you with the boys. You and they have been through so much turmoil because of all of this. In this letter in September, after being gone for about three weeks; he starts to realize just what he had done with all of the destruction at home. He is like a prodigal son.

We all have to go through these trials, Shel. God takes us on these paths if we stray too far from the right one, and He watches us struggle as we look for handholds, places to put our feet up the rock walls of challenges we create for ourselves. He had to see that without a loving hand to hold, he was too weak to make it in the harsh world by himself. His letter means so much to me, a ten year old fighting and fighting to understand himself and what had happened to him, to us. It has helped me to see that I am helpless without God to guide me.

Without God, all that I do will only be as strong as the flesh that propels me, susceptible to fear and weakness, sickness and it is only through God that great things occur. We are limited in our abilities, while God works through us to make marvelous works! I want to send this back to Nate, so he can be reminded of how frightened he was to be in such a place without love or kindness, full of darkness. Thinking of a ten year old child being locked away from family and friends, without me there to help him; it is a pain that no one should have to endure. Being away from all five of my children and knowing that there was so little for them after my income was no longer a way to provide, that there was no man at home to help make sure things were done, that they were protected…knowing that I could no longer provide for you, Shel, or fix the car when you needed it, or change the flat tires, to drive with you eight hours round trip to see Nate, to help you make the many moves because there was no longer any stability; it tears me up inside.

Nate, Alex; it’s such a lonely place here. No one should have to endure this time of separation. Turn back from your ways of wickedness terrorizing you mother and grandma. You should respect them for all they do to hold things together, instead of hurting them so deeply! Hold your tongues, and you’re language. They care so much for you, and you Nate, have seen the other side. Learn from your mistakes and love each other, too. Be a support where there is so little to give comfort. Turn away from this destructive road. Tell them you love them, and hug them, too.

Know that I am with you. Just look in the mirror. Would you say and do these things if I were there? You will always be a part of me, and me, you. Just as Jesus is the same. Help out more. Do this from your heart. I cherish each and every letter. get, and I just miss you all so much.

God will bring us through all of this. Keep praying..

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