It’s been two years since I’ve had a piece of chicken…

1/1/14

Lunch today surprised me so much – chicken thigh with the bone in! I haven’t had a real piece of meat in two years! Praise God! We also had apple pie, greens, white rice with gravy and cornbread. The chicken is so great! I saved the leg to eat tonight with my eggs and toast. I saved the apple pie to eat later with my milk.

 I can't believe how much I miss fried chicken, or just real meat...

I can’t believe how much I miss fried chicken, or just real meat…

I pray we go outside tomorrow. I truly need some fresh air, and more space to move around.
In this new room  I only have about 30 or 40 square feet to move around in.

This is for 23 hours a day for five days straight, but as it is too cold for the outside rec with no coats, I am usually in this tiny space for 24 hours for eight to ten days at a time; sometimes longer. I think it has been almost two weeks since it was warm enough to try to go outside.

I’m going to ask for another pair of pants tonight. I’ve had the same pair for two weeks now. They let us change out once a week on Wednesdays, but I don’t want to switch them out until I have to. I was such a proud man and hard on everyone. Yes, your love was always there. Thank God He put you in my life. God has a purpose for all this suffering, Rochelle. We just need to wait patiently for God. This process is all part of God’s plan.

1/2/14
Your visit was so great; I have missed the boys so. They are growing so fast! You looked very happy.
Did I tell you that dad sent me a Christmas card? Everyone in the pictures looked so great. You have been doing such a good job of raising our boys on your own. God has been guiding you well.

1/3/14
I got all the information from the transcripts you requested, and got it ready and sent it on to the lawyer. I also noticed that during the past week, the lights have been staying off in the mornings until 6:00 a.m. with breakfast being served after that. God is so great! Your grievances is being used by God as a way to make change. We have also been served a little more at our meals.

I’ve been reviewing your complaint to CPS, and you’ve covered most everything. You have such a goo memory, there were just a few errors in time, but it’s so hard when we can’t talk on the phone or even face to face, just through glass. I know it is hard to remember things and then run to the car and write them down, or write questions to me on your arm before you come in to visit; and then the visits are only once or twice a month. There’s so much against us, I don’t see how you get anything done.

I’m wrapped up in four sheets and three waffle blankets. If we could have a quilt or cover it would make a big difference. The cement is so cold when it’s cold outside. We still do not have warm air through the vents.

They just threw my grievance back in my cell from the charge on 12/13, saying that they would refund the cost of this med call. But, only one follow up is allowed per fourteen days of a visit. Well, my first sick call was in July, and the others were due to the lack of care post-op.

I got my shower a little while ago and traded for some more coffee. I feel a little warmer, and can try again to write my story to CPS. It is harder to do than I thought it would be, to relive all of the injustice that happened to our family.

You have brought me out of a pit

12/19/13
I feel God’s presence even more, as I work to get past feelings of negativity and doom.
I now see things in a different light. There is a new perspective and a way of looking
at what is sightly to God, not my own selfishness.

I will start a draft for the CPS complaint you told me to write so they are forced to see
the results of their falsified and incomplete findings. Guilford County must be made to rectify their illegal and unconstitutional decisions. They just say whatever they like on reports and then alter the truth to meet their own agendas of increasing their bonuses and trying to justify their funding, instead of looking fully at what is happening in the entire picture. They are never forced to see the repercussions caused by their mistakes and lack of training, even altering what they report to make themselves seem in a better light, while other children are receiving no help that they so sorely need.

They actually gave us a Christmas bad today – with ramen noodles, some chips, a rice krispy treat, a Snickers bar, and a Slim Jim type stick, as well as a granola bar. To some this would seem laughable, but to those in isolation who are not allowed to purchase ANY extra food items, it’s a huge treat!

I got your card today, and it reaffirmed what my humanness needed – a confirmation of love. I ask your forgiveness, you’ve been so strong! Please forgive my unbelief, how could I ever doubt? Your cards and letters have brought me out of a pit where I continue to throw myself and hide. My whole heart melted reading your card! With God’s strength I will build my self worth.
I thank God for a wife such as you! Even as they’ve torn the whole back off of the envelope due to your colorful stickers of angels on it.

Being indigent, I have to make my meals draw out longer, and I try to win as many stamps as I can, and hopefully they will give me a pair of shower shoes. Oh, and I have to send home most of my court papers and old mail as I am toting around so much stuff, and I can get in trouble. Just put the mail up, and get it out as you wish to write a book about all of this. It would make a great romance novel!

I now have NO idea who had been treating me or if he was even a doctor

kindness

12/16/13

I tried to sleep, but can’t get more than two hours at a time, due to the constant slamming of the door.

The CO’s just let it slam, and I guess the deprivation of sound is really taking its toll, so it’s like a gun shot.

At 3, 4 and 5 a.m. and of course, all through the day, but it’s the early hours that truly affect me the most.

It would be so easy for them to fix the release to catch softer, but that is too much to ask.

AT 7:30 a.m., the guard came to take me to medical. He stood there and waited for me to pee, and then belly chained and shackled me up.

Upon arriving  I am introduced to a man that was actually Dr. McIntyre. This hasn’t been the man I’ve been seeing for the past few months.  I truly had no idea that this man, Labor was not the doctor. I don’t really even know who ‘Labor’ is, now. He never wore a name plate as this man before me now was. I have no idea who was treating me or if he had ANY credentials to do so.

The Dr. asked me questions, and then agreed that I needed more fiber. Then, he had me take some liquid (God only knows what that was), and he said it would be quick to help, but nothing happened. I laid down and waited, and waited. Finally, five hours later, some relief, but still a sharp pain opposite the hernia area. I’m afraid there is a blockage.

I went ahead and wrote a grievance about the door, and I think it must really be like PTSD because I actually jump when these doors slam. People need to know that this type of purposeful treatment is wrong. Why doesn’t PETA focus more on people – they could probably get a lot done…In the back of my head is pain, and in my temples. I think this is from sleep deprivation. I don’t understand why other inmates don’t fight more to get any justice or relief. These feelings keep intensifying and I stay focused on God, even through the pain and suffering.  I asked a couple of CO’s to please not slam the door and they actually listened. I got a few more hours of sleep. Praise God!

 

12/17/13

I’ve put my 6th request on my door to see a psychologist. I still have that lump on my left side, and things aren’t right, either, but the nurse hasn’t come back. I did win 29 stamps on football picks. Go Ravens! They beat the Lions. They just talked about sausage balls on the radio. I miss it when we would make those!! All the Christmas goodies you would make – peanut butter cookies, pumpkin pie, fudge, chocolate covered pretzels- you loved to cook, and I loved to eat!

We were such a good team! I should be more thankful for what I do have, like my health slowly starting to come back. You in my life. This bible course that you ordered for me! These surroundings get me down so much, and everything you send helps me to focus and not let it all over take me.

12/18/13

Your visit today was SO needed; it seems so long since your last visit. Your energy helps keep me going. You didn’t say anything about the boys; are they acting any better lately? It seems you hardly ever complain about them anymore. It shows such growth in you! God helps us to see our own weaknesses when we pay attention to what about others we find aggravating. He is brought us so much closer. You could have forgotten me and went away…

I’ve been asking for a pen now for a week…

They called for our weekly rec, outside time, at 6:30 a.m.

It was 20 degrees. If I had ever been given my thermals,

I would have gone out, anyway, but without them, in the dark with no sunshine, no way.

The prison does this because they know that no one has any way to keep warm to go outside.

I will send another request form to the nurse, asking about the sick call request I sent in over a week ago about still having pain, and I asked for psyllium fiber, as we only get starches to eat, with very little vegetables or near enough fiber to have healthy bowels. On Nov. 26, the lead nurse said I would be getting an assessment for a specialized diet, but none has been done, two weeks later. I did get a not from another nurse who said that this week I was scheduled for an assessment, which is then sent to Raleigh. But, no assessment. See, I cry my eyes out but no one hears my cries but Jesus. God will prevail. My head hurts from all of the crying and thinking so much, and the effects of being stuck in this cell all of the time.

I stood at the door for over an hour, waiting for an officer to come and get this form for a psychological interview.  Two CO’s later someone finally takes it on. The fiber pills just don’t work at all, and they are 625 mg, but the stuff I bought in canteen worked fine. (He doesn’t realize the effects of post-surgery bowel issues, and without proper diet and exericise is having great difficulty) I am under great stress from this extra pain and complication, and it also makes me feel very tired. If I want to talk to another guy, I have to stand at my door and yell, which is difficult to keep up for any length of time.

12/15/13

A nurse came in today and brought me two small pills, but didn’t even tell me what they were. My temp is still not normal, but it is better, at 98.3, and she said the pills may help, but it looks like the psyllium may not be enough right now. The next option is some sort of liquid. I hate when they don’t tell me things. I had asked to take these things before surgery to help me through the post-op, but they refused to give me anything. I know my body better than them, but they act like we cannot make any decisions on our own.

I was able to eat better today, so when they served a burger patty, 1/2 c of rice, another 1/2 c of lima beans, and then a cookie and corn bread for later. But, the nurse never did come back. The doctor, the few times I have seen him, avoids eye contact, so I know I can’t trust what he tells me. But, what am I to do?

I hope to hear from the psychologist soon. I really need relief. The emptiness of this place is so consuming. Your letters are so full of light in this dreadful place, and full of God’s word.

It’s so cold tonight, and the air never stops pelting my face and hands. I traded with a friend for a regular pen and it writes so good compared to the seg pen. I’ve been asking for a pen now for a week. The Co’s just say, “I just gave out the last one”; like that’s funny to them.

It’s hard for me to remember when I read, “Bless them that hurt you, and pray for them that despitefully use you,” that it was more targeted for our family and close ones over our enemies. Family members have become an enemy to me in many ways by not helping to take care of the children, but I will send them love, regardless.

God’s plan may not make sense right now…

12/12/13
We are more connected now beyond what most can understand.
Reading your last letter put me there with you and our boys.
I could feel Nate’s pain through each word you wrote.
I wept so hard for him, as I felt his pain.
It never gets easier to bear. But, you and I truly did our best.
If nothing else, it was mostly my fault. I felt so bad because we’d had no choice but to send DJ back to that hellhole with his mother. We just couldn’t get any help from the mental health system.
There is never enough to go around for these kids(kids with special needs), as the funding is always cut to line someone else’s pockets further up the chain.

I was just blinded by wanting to show Daniel Jr. love; I needed him to see that I cared for him. I was so excited about being a project manager, having a job ‘back home’ after being up north for that time away from Southern people and family; it felt like a new start.
I also didn’t want him to feel the way that my dad made me feel, that I was nothing, worthless…
When we moved back to North Carolina, I had hoped that perhaps we could start over, maybe do family therapy, try again to get some help and find out what exactly had been going on. We just didn’t know.
There was so much confusion, and Carolyn always kept the older kids riled up and starting things at home; it was hard to keep things calm.
Nothing I can say will change what happened, I just pray to God, for it all.

I pray, for all of my children to receive healing. There is nothing I can do in here, but pray, the hurt is so strong knowing that we just weren’t fully aware of the extent of the damage that was occurring. God forgive DJ for doing those acts, and I pray Veronica, Nate and Alex will learn to lean on the Lord to give them hope. Their faith will grow as ours has, and even though God’s plan may not make sense right now, it will in time, according to His purpose. Nothing I can say, as a man can make anything right. My love has become so much stronger knowing Jesus’ love is so much more than we can understand. I wish I could hold all of them, my children, and give them comfort where there is none, and let them feel their daddy’s love again. May they feel God’s love around them, giving them comfort.

They are still tearing off the holiday stickers that you put on my envelopes. But, at least they aren’t marking out the bible verses you write on them. I am listening to the Christmas shoe song. It always makes me cry to hear that. I miss my mom so much. She never had much, but she always tried to give more than she had. Those little gifts meant so much to her to be able to give to her children and grandchildren. It wasn’t the toy that mattered, it was what was in her heart. She was so giving!
helping-others

I will never stop loving them…

at a summer equine camp for kids with behavior needs in 2001 where we both volunteered so the older kids could get some therapy and socialization.

at a summer equine camp for kids with behavior needs in 2001 where we both volunteered so the older kids could get some therapy and socialization.

daniel

on a summer trip to Philly with the two youngest, in 2007

12/5/13

I wish sometimes that I could write my three other children, who are now young adults, at 20, 18 and 16.

I think you’ve kept the pictures we had taken over the years, and Nicholas’ baby cap from 1997; one of the few things I was ever given of their lives.  I tried to send letters to them via dad, but Kay (his wife) wrote me an angry letter saying not to send anything there. I still think of them every day.

The first thing I would tell them is that I do still love them. Very much. No matter what has happened, I will never stop loving them. I wonder if they are happy. What has happened in their lives since then? Did they stay in school and achieve any accomplishments, play any sports or participate in activities, travel? It would just be a pleasure to hear their voices and to see them again, to know what they’ve become or done. I would listen to their anger or sadness, joys or pains – just to hear them again. I think of all six of you, every day. Don’t think that there has been a day that I haven’t…

part 6, end of complaint against Greensboro Assistant DA, injustice in North Carolina

thNRAHU73V

………end of 16 p. Formal Complaint against Assistant DA Hubbard to the NC Bar, asking for appropriate relief from wrongful imprisonment…

p. 567 9-10 “Well, I contend to you that you can believe Veronica.”  Finch v. United States, 867 A.2d 222,227 (D.C. 2005) (Improper for prosecutor to express evident opinion that government witness’ testimony had been incredibly straightforward.”) Diaz v. United States, 716 A.2d 173, 180 (D.C. 1997) (Improper for prosecutor to misstate the record by implying that defendant lied) p. 567 21-25 And I contend to you that if you apply those tests to the testimony of Veronica Palacios that you heard from the witness stand, that you won’t have any doubt that she is telling you the truth and that she is absolutely credible.” p.568 lines 1-4 In fact, the only question —— the only question that matters in this case is do you believe Veronica? If you do, then clearly the defendant is guilty of all these crimes. p. 570, lines 17-25       But, again, you know, she —— she —— at this interview she  wasn’t out to make herself look good or make herself look perfect or anything else. She was obviously out to tell the truth. And that’s what she was doing. And now, you know, because they have so little to —— to hang their hat  on —— MS. BAILEY: Objection. MR. HUBBARD: —— the defense is saying ——THE COURT: Overruled.

Powell v. United States, 455 A.2d 13, 16 (D.C. 1982) (“It is for the jury, not the counsel, to decide whether a witness is telling the truth. An attorney may not divert jurors from this task by injecting his personal evaluation as to a witness’ veracity…The prosecutor may not publically cast his vote.”) Dyson v. United States, 418 A.2d 127, 130 (D.C. 1980) (en banc) (Reversible error where porsecutor characterized dense testimony as “falsehood”, argued that there was “not a grain of truth in this defense” and asserted that the defense witnesses had “lied”) W

p.571, lines 1-3  Hubbard: – the defense is saying, Oh, well…cut it off, don’t watch the rest of it, don’t want to put it in context.”  Making untoward comments about assuming what the defense is saying. p. 571 Lines 8-25,  Imagine the most personal or embarrassing or hurtful moment of your life, whatever that might be, and then imagine – and it’s probably – hopefully for none of you that moment is that for four and a half years you were abused by – sexually abused by your father. But, in any event, imagine whatever that moment might be, and the imagine you were a fifteen-year-old girl, as she is now. And some of y’all have children and know…And imagine you had to go in and sit up here in this witness stand…But imagine you had to sit up here and look out at your family… p.572 lines1-6 But she did an admirable, commendable job of remaining quiet and respectful and cogently and intelligently telling you all these hurtful and embarrassing and terrible things that she suffered at the hands of one of the people who should have loved her most. He should have protected her from people like him.

Morris v. United States, 564 A.2d 746 (D.C. 1989) (Improper for prosecutor to invite jurors to imagine conversations between co-defendants)

ABA Standards for Criminal Justice, Standard 3-5.8 (a). (“the prosecutor should not intentionally misstate evidence or mislead jury as to the inferences it may draw.”) -taken from www.tdcaa.com/node/5266 A prosecuting attorney, though free to strike hard blows, is not at liberty to strike foul ones, either directly or indirectly … 21 This was improper because it was simply “a plea for abandonment of objectivity” rather than any legal basis for punishment. “Place yourselves in the shoes of the victim … How would you feel? What would you want?”22 Again, this is improper because it invites the jury to assess punishment based on a sense of vengeance rather than the facts and the law. p. 572 Lines 14-18 She did commendably well in telling you the truth about what happened to her. She has no reason to lie despite what Ms. Bailey said.

p.573 1-3 She didn’t do this because she wanted to get out of the house. She did it because she wanted the abuse to stop. She wanted her father not to be able to come in and have sex with her whenever he felt like it.

p. 574 –lines7-11 The only thing that this child had to gain from coming forward – well, a couple of things, for the pain and the abuse to stop and maybe hopefully to see a little bit of justice, to see that somebody does care enough to tell him that it’s not okay. In order to establish plain error, West must show that any error in giving the transferred intent instruction was “obvious or readily apparent, and that it was so clearly prejudicial  [*7]  to [his] substantial rights as to jeopardize the very fairness and integrity of the trial.” Id. (quoting Harris v. United States, 602 A.2d 154, 159 & n.6 (D.C. 1992) (en banc) (citations omitted)). Aralles with  8th Amendment NC & US Constitution   8th Amendment NC & US Constitution   Article 26 – Bail.  Northern California Innocence Project brought a state habeas petition, which was granted on the basis of the cumulative harm done by egregious prosecutorial misconduct.

……..

Where is the justice here?