Allow God to work in your life, to be in control…

1/28/14
I just got another SAT book, this one from Barron’s, but the Black book says these books don’t help much. I think though that this book will help more with the concepts I need to study and get more practice with, mainly because I haven’t done work like this in 20 years. Man, I’m old!

I’m still working out, but my back hurts; I would give anything to see a chiropractor. It is like I have a pinched nerve. I know an adjustment would take care of it. I got my grievance back today, and they said they asked the officers to consider turning off the light at a decent hour from now on, but their excuse is that the inmates need to shave or to move around after 10. But, they should start this earlier in the evening. It’s not like we’re doing anything else, anyway.

You are so beautiful, and I miss you so! You mean so much to my well being! Thank the Lord for your presence in my life. Things will become easier as we learn God’s will for our lives. I love your enthusiasm! You help me keep my excitement up while I focus more on reading and studying more.

The heat issue just can’t get resolved. They won’t repair this heating system, and sometimes it works, and sometimes not. Now that I had to turn in my extra clothes I about have to stay under the covers all day to stay warm with only one pair of socks and a shirt. I’m so afraid of getting sick, and I can only work out for a little while and then sometimes I start to hurt. It has been such a blessing to keep the health I do have. An extra mat to sleep on would sure help my back; heaven forbid I ever get to feel a real mattress again…

1/30/14
Don’t worry so much about the move; you are making too much of it, and not trusting God enough. Bring yourself back to God so he can guide you down the correct path.

I’m not sure about this lawyer either. They should be answering us sooner, but often work on their own time, not our. I’m not disagreeing with you about the investigator either, but remember everyone wants as much money as they can get. Pray about this, and don’t allow others to influence you by getting you all riled up. Calm down and talk to God. I do believe things should be moving quicker, but God is in control, so wait on Him!

2/1/14
Every aspect of our life should be spent thanking God for all He has created. I am so blessed He sent me a friend like you, who takes such good care of our children. It was such a blessing to be allowed to go outside today, around 7:20 a.m. The CO’s didn’t make fun of us as they usually do. Praise God for changing their hearts! It was around 35 degrees, so not too bad, and I got to talk to some of the guys out here today. They let us stay outside for about an hour and a half; my toes were numb, but it was worth it! We should be getting our reviews soon, someone said, and that some of us could be shipped out.

It was so great to get a shower tonight. I didn’t notice the time, but they were sort of rushing everyone, and the shower were finished by 9 p.m. Normally it would be after 10:30, leaving most of us to wait 20 or 30 minute. And, they turned out the lights – Praise God! It is so great to rest without all of the blaring lights.

2/3/2014
Good day, Rochelle. How are things at home? I hope they are well. If not, tell me about it. May God’s peace be with you at home and in your hearts. Every day poses these problems, but each day Jesus gives His love to me to comfort my despair. Sorry for not writing more. I’ve been trying to listen to God more, an staying still. God doesn’t make mistakes, so when are you going to see your worth? You are so valuable for His work on Earth. Kneel down and ask for guidance, for your head to stop spinning. You are not taking enough time for God.
Slow down!
Get off of that computer more, and listen to God! Read His word. I’ve been a very stubborn man, and am finally ready to listen to His guidance and to hear His voice! I had allowed my life experiences to harden my heart, and now the Holy Spirit continues to break the outer man and to see how the world had me in its grip. Allow God to work in your life. When you allow God to be in control, then your life can truly begin.

Little Victories

 

1/27/14

One need not always trust in the ‘large’ things –
Isaiah 31
King James Version (KJV)
31 Woe to them that go down to Egypt for help; and stay on horses, and trust in chariots, because they are many; and in horsemen, because they are very strong; but they look not unto the Holy One of Israel, neither seek the Lord!

I’m reading your letter to be about how you feel imprisoned, somewhat like  I am experiencing, although our prisons are different. No matter what either of us does, we can’t escape. This is God, working on our outer selves, which is essential to allow God’s Spirit to be released. Praise God for how you’ve been able to surrender to this discipline, and for learning patience with our children. I’m so glad to hear the boys are branching out, and aren’t so afraid to do their own things. I’m so proud of their growth amid all of the things they’ve been through. I just pray they see how loved they are by God, and are being taught by Him in so many ways. God is working on Nate so he can learn to discern who his real friends are, and to not feel ashamed for speaking out against injustice at school. God is using my suffering to teach them, to reach others, as well who need to realize the anguish and injustice in their own backyards.

I have to admit, I’ve been under attack now for over a week. I’ve not been happy with what God is allowing to happen in my life. I stay confused and blocked from understanding what is happening to me. I know I have to work through it, and am battling this selfish outer man. You have been so encouraging throughout this whole ordeal, and  know your love for me is real. I just feel so weakened and alone lately, and have to just give it to God…

I’ve noticed my eyes become blurry after reading awhile.  I have to pull the book or paper away from my face to be able to ready clearly. I used to have 20-15 vision, but only God knows what being in isolation has done…

I’m watching 60 minutes and listening to how there is such a shortage of psych0logists and therapists across the nati0n; and stories like what you’ve been through recently with our boys. Then they talked about how there are lack of beds in the institutions for the extreme behavior needs like what we experienced with my two children that led us to end up like this, due to not having adequate care in the mental health fields. If you can google this, maybe you will find some support sites so you have other people to talk to, and can maybe even get some help with our case. Isn’t it amazing how much has to happen before things like this come to the light?

Speaking of lights, this crew tonight is the one that often leaves our lights on until midnight, which was the main reason I wrote the grievance about not having any relief from the lighting. Tonight, though, they went out at 10:38 p.m., which is so wonderful! Even the little things feel like big victories!

 

May God be part of your Every Decision

 I hope you and the readers don’t mind that I just seem to jump from topic to topic. I work so hard to stay focused in here, but it gets so hard at times. I never thought this was going to be as bad it is becoming.  I read the bible, and all of the things you send me, but there’s so little to occupy my time. It would be so great if some folks would write to me. I don’t mind answering any questions, or just corresponding. Will you give them my address?  I enjoy looking at the blog excerpts you send me, and am really surprised that people are reading this. I just do the best I can to get through these days, and to learn all I can so as to be a better person and to make a difference in the world and to help my children heal, as God allows us to reconnect.

Let’s see, today.November 23rd, I’ve been in here 84 days. It has been great to at least hear what is going on in the world through others. The Tarheels won today, 8-20, a football game! Appalachian State also did great 24-0 against WNCU at halftime.

I put in yet another request form for medical to let me have thermals. I just stay cold in here, and with the pain, it is bad. They are the only one who can administer the 490 for them. I just took a shower and feel so much better. I don’t understand why they won’t let us bathe everyday. They have plenty of personnel to do so. I mean, I do understand that it is a form of punishment, but to what end? I’m hungry, and have one more peanut butter and jelly sandwich, so will eat that here at 10 p.m. and write more later…

11/24/13

I was listening to 106.9 and the Christian music has more power than ever before, for some reason. I started crying this morning listening, just raising my hands, swaying back and forth and singing. It was so meaningful to hear God’s word, and to feel His love filling my heart. Without Him, I’d not have the strength to continue. I can do nothing in my own strength. I will fail every time, but realizing this and confessing this to God, believing in his Son will give me true strength and power. This truly lifts my Spirit, which is the power of Jesus in me.

The after affects of this entire incident from August 31 has been horrible. I now see that they’ve added 15, yes 15 years to my sentence because I didn’t want to suffocate in a prison cell, and asked for a CO to do something about the lack of moving air, and they’ve given me 24 points. I will be forced to do almost a year in isolation and continued to be punished for two or three more years afterward!

I still can’t over being so cold…I am in a building and have to wear 3 shirts, 2 shirt jackets, and pants, and my feet are still cold!

I just want to wish you all a wonderful Thanksgiving, and be sure to be thankful for all that you have-there’s always someone out there doing far worse. I will continue to write more of what God is teaching me in my next letters. May God be part of your every decision.

Trust Him, and He will not fail you!

Keep your eye on God’s will

10/25/13

Psalm 37:7-9
Be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait patiently for him to act. Don’t worry about evil people who prosper or fret about their wicked schemes. Stop being angry! Turn from your rage! Do not lose your temper—it only leads to harm. For the wicked will be destroyed, but those who trust in the Lord will possess the land.”

Don’t worry about me; well, maybe a little, but not enough to get anxious.

We need to stay focused on what will help us move forward. Moving forward

doesn’t mean forgetting – it just means we do better to work on what we are able to change now, and work on what we can’t when it looks like we can make a difference later. Our true goal is to get me out. But, your daily goal is to our family.

Just keep your eye on God’s will to occur in your life, as well as the children’s.

I don’t know where I’m going with this except that I don’t want you to be kept from your daily life.

I keep having these sharp pains in the incision. I guess it is healing, but I don’t remember pains like this from the last surgery at home. I don’t think the doctor did a very good job, but that could just be my opinion. I think this pain, and being in here so long now makes me confuse myself sometimes. Ideas, thoughts just flow right out of head, and I forget what I was doing or thinking…

They came by tonight and gave me another blanket, Thank you, Jesus; and I asked the CO if I could change my original for another, as you could see through the only one I had, so he did. Now, I will be a little warmer in here.

Praise God for such relief. It may be small to most reading this, but in here, where things are out of your control to care for yourself, the little things become even more important. I really wish I had those ear muffs you bought me for when I had to repair equipment in the winter. They always kept my head warm.

I’m just starting to feel my legs, and ate a peanut butter sandwich. I wish there was hot intstead of just cold, constant air blowing on me. I wish you were here with me to keep me warm. The low for tonight is the upper 20’s, and with no quilts or covers, even wearing two undershirts and a work shirt isn’t enough.

It is so cold behind concrete…

10/21/13

I am glad to hear that the Innocence Clinic is still working on my case, as it’s been almost a year since

Inside these four walls, the sun doesn’t shine

you took them the files. Maybe they have more options to approach than the one in Raleigh, as there was no DNA at all to compare because I never did anything. Many states have had to go back and compare those on death row with past evidence, and many of these men are getting exonerated. Without any evidence, why am I even here to begin with, other than words of an angry woman pushing damaged children? Only God knows how long these things will take to come together, I just need to find a way to do God’s will.

I need to keep improving myself, and my communication skills so that I can speak more effectively about what needs to be done, as well as what is happening. I’ve asked God to give me the confidence to speak for Him, so I’m just waiting to be able to gain the ability to speak clearly and well. This pen is almost out of ink. I only had five pens, and I can’t buy any as I’m not allowed to use canteen until February. I hope they all hold out.

10/23/13

I was driven to an outside facility for a post-op check up and the doctor said I was healing fine and removed my staples. I do get to use the wheelchair in between at least, as I am hand/leg cuffed when walking about. The doctor said not to lift anything heavy, so I asked what was heavy to him. He said a gallon of milk…he said to be sure and not stretch my body much for the next six weeks. The only thing I’m lifting right now is myself, so I will do my best to be careful.

It was so great to be out and able to feel the sun; it was only for a few minutes, but nice, as I hadn’t been outside in a few weeks. Some of the small things, like just being outside and feeling the sun’s rays, is so important. Inside we can’t feel anything, and it is so cold behind concrete. Just to see God’s creations that the Sun helps to grow is not appreciated. It brings joy to so many people. We feel so sickly, hidden away from everyone. We ask ‘why’, but we must wait for God’s time, and accept that he is in control…but, I do miss it so much, the Sun.

I’ve been more hungry than usual, and I’m not working out. I did get your letter today, which was great, as well as the other two. I got the paper you ordered for about two weeks, and then I didn’t get it at all last week. Don’t know why.

 

 

I feel much better today…

10-29-13

Dear Shel,

I re-read your last letter another time, because I didn’t get a letter this week. I noticed that you fear me

If you don’t hear from me, it’s because my pens ran out of ink, and they won’t let me buy more in seg.

going to “ICON”, but I am already there. I should not be shipped to another camp unless

DOC decides to after my next hearing, so I will serve my seg time here. It should be six months of isolation, with another three in ‘close observation’ because they are ‘afraid’ I might rile up the inmates, even though all we did was refuse to go into our cells because it was sweltering after three days of no air circulation. I see in your letter where these types of things are happening to other inmates, some guys had their fans taken away, so they sat out and were all thrown in ICON, too. I couldn’t believe the story about the man who was written up one day for eating his whole apple, as apple seeds are considered ‘poison’ (God, the lengths they go to to torture us emotionally), so the next day he didn’t touch it, so he was written up again for ‘refusing to eat’. It is like that here, but not quite as bad. (http://solitarywatch.com/category/featured-posts/)

I got the visit forms because of the amount of pestering I did to the guards this week (lol), they will be in this letter, so you can finally change the address for you and the boys in time over the next two weeks, and hopefully they won’t give you any trouble trying to set up future visits. I know you won’t have any more extra gas money until the end of the month after next week’s visit, so this is  a good time to do it.

I feel much better today. It doesn’t even hurt much. I will still wait for about four weeks before exercising again. For now, I just walk around in my room, and lift my legs up to stretch them out, as well as my stomach muscles. The surgeon wants to see me next week. And, yes, you were surprised as to why they didn’t know before the surgery how bad the hernia was because they didn’t even x-ray the area! The doctor had no idea I was in such bad shape because he just performed a short exam like a physical, nothing like what would have happened if I had been home. It should have been repaired a long time ago, and even then, it took them a month to decide to perform the surgery!

Your blog about us is great! It is just how I remember things. It was like that so many times. I want to tell you that you are my best friend.

I’ve written L(my cousin) several times without her replying. I asked her to order my Christmas package, because if she can do it before I go in front of the DOC then there’s a much better chance of my getting the package. If it’s ordered and the DOC gives me a harsh ‘sentence’ in ICON, then they don’t allow you to have anything hardly there. It is a very harsh sentence, with very little in the way of trying to make your life livable. I can’t order any food from canteen other than a very restricted item list once a week. I can’t have any normal pens, and getting a guard to sharpen your safety pencil is like pulling teeth here. I sent the last request to her on 10-10, so maybe I’ll hear something next week. They may not let me have the food package, even if she did, but I tried.

A and N look great. I can see that they have both lost weight. I can’t tell so much about their height. Take a picture with you standing next to them so I can see better. It has been so hard not to have them visit, but I don’t want them to see me in handcuffs and behind this glass. I think it is worse than when they can’t see me. We always hug so close and tight, if even for a few seconds, and I can scrub their faces with my goatee’ to help them remember me at least. This would just be too hard for the three of us right now. They need you to wrestle with them, since I can’t be there like we used to do, crawling in the floor, playing pile up with all five of the kids in the bed on Sunday morning, legs and arms flying, I’m surprised the bed didn’t break with seven of us in the bed, flailing and screaming! It would be so hard to get them ready for church after they all got wound up, jumping uup and down, yelling…but, boys need rough play. And, we just let V right in there, like a boy, too, because I wanted her to learn how to protect herself, to be strong enough to know how to get away if someone came after her at school, to not be afraid to protect hereself…

It is hard now, as a single mom, I know. Moms are softer and so busy they forget that part of boys – they need to kick and punch, roll and jump around, climb on things, take things apart; this is fun for them, and a necessary part of their development. Especially these boys because of puberty. It is hard without a man in the house, I know, mom had it rough too, after running from dad, trying to raise us with no child support, but she would take us outside, and play with me and Al. She would chop and kick at us, and sometimes it hurt like Hell, but we kept coming back, and she would wear us out, and then take us inside for ice cream. She did her best…sigh….just like you’re doing your best with our two boys. Try to remind them to do their ‘boy stuff’ outside. I think boxing would help N as it is more mental and physical. See if you can get a martial arts scholarship somewhere.

I don’t know how long I’ll be away…

10/8/13

Dear Shel,

I haven’t been writing much as I’m working to clear my mind from

Palden Gyatso was born in a Tibetan village in 1933 and became an ordained Buddhist monk at 18…and spent the next 25 years of his life enduring interrogation and torture simply for the strength of his beliefs.

all of the worry surounding my impending ICON, which is worse than the segregationwhere I am currently. I’ve never had a write up before, so now they want to observe mefor 90 days.There have been many put here lately, given ‘A’ charges, and they don’t even know why they received it. The CO came to tell me that they’ve decided to let Raleigh decide about my ICON time at some point next week. They did this so they would’nt be responsible, and can also add on additional time to my punishment. So, I will go before the Directors’ Board and possibly get a harsher punishment. God is in control, so I do my best not to worry.

I have A’s pictures that he used to draw. I have also held onto the the three letters N wrote while he was in the behavorial ‘prison’. I keep them in my bible now that they are almost falling apart.

I got your book today. I’ve already read two chapters, and have cried three times, and he hasn’t even talked about being in prison yet. His family was so loving and supportive. I find it very interesting.

10-9-13

Your visit was wonderful. You need not to worry so much about me. God is with me. Even though the cuffs hurt, it was worth it to see your pretty face. Your standing up for me helps so much, also. I hope things we were able to talk about will help you through out the next week. Just as yours help me.

Getting the local newspaper has helped so much. I get them around 2 pm, so I read

for a little while, then I exercise. I can’t thank you enough.

10/12/13

This is such a great book. I thank God for the blessings I had ignored, thinking we had just a common, boring life. I live as  a king compared to how these people in Tibet were persecuted. It is sad to read how people were tortured and destroyed, when life is so invaluable. I have been complaining about such petty things. The book has also opened my eyes to what is happening in this prison; that, even though it is a miserable and sad fate, it is nothing compared to what is happening in other countries. I do see, however, that our country is heading down the same path. The American way of life is corroding right in front of our eyes. I stayed up until 11:30 the other night, standing in my doorway to catch some of the main room’s light, just so I could keep reading into Chapter 7. Our lights get cut out at 10, but I didn’t want to stop. I am now on Chapter 10, and it flows so well that it is hard to put down.

I’ve never read a book this easily before. I usually bet bored and start nodding off, but not with this book.

It’s funny, because it cost you more to send the book than it did to buy the book, itself.

10-13-13

I finished the book this morning. thanks for such a great book. It was something that I needed so I could understand my suffering better, and to see that it could be worse. If the monks and other innocent people can endure all of that horrible stuff, then my time should be a stroll in the park. I do see how our treatment here involves some of the same tactics, but not quite as extreme.

I signed the form to go to surgery yesterday, so I should go by Wed or before. I don’t know how long I’ll be away, but it shouldn’t be long. I was 28 when I had the first hernia surgery. Damn, that seems so long ago, now doesn’t it? To be honest, I don’t feel that old. Having lost so much fat now, I feel much better than in years past. I actually feel younger than 28 now.

It’s 3 pm now, and they told me not to eat or drink anything after 12 am because of a procedure. So, I’ll get this out today so you will know. Don’t worry, I’ll be just fine. Know that I love you very much. Not sure if they are going to keep me long, maybe a few days? I won’t be able to get up or get my food the first few days. I remember how hard it was before to move and get up. Jesus is by my side now, and I feel protected, and I feel you near me, too!

I love you and the boys very much…

150,000. Children.

It’s good that you cry for us, Margaret. I had to stop crying when I was eight. I’ve forgotten how…Len in Oranges and Sunshine, 2010

10-14/13 11 p.m.               

Dear Chicano,

I need to hear your voice.

Who am I kidding…I need you here, with me, catching tears as  I cry.

Once started, I can’t stop.

I’ve held it in so long, lest I end up deflated, an empty balloon discarded.

I couldn’t write today, or work. There is such a heavy sadness,

I lie in bed and flipped the channels tonight, very rare for me; found a movie that had just started, and couldn’t believe

what unfolded.

A social worker from England, Margaret Humpreys, becomes involved, by chance, with a grown victim from a mind blowing atrocity that was hidden from the world for decades. Almost single-handedly, she begins a quest to help children deported from shelters in England to the horrors of primitive, unbearable cruelty in the wilds of Australia, and other far reaches of the world. Margaret was so touched by the first woman’s story that she flew to Australia with her own money, to begin research that would span over twenty three years, amidst death threats, being separated by her own children researching in Australia, and becoming emotionally weakened by the experiences of the children she researched.

No one was talking about it; the deportation of shelter children away from family, country because it was cheaper to send them away than to give them proper care. The mothers were told that the children had been adopted by loving families;the children were told  their parents were dead, and that they were going to a special place where they would” pick oranges off of the trees for breakfast, ride horses to school, and the sun would shine every day”. Instead, all of their belongings were taken away, and they were forced into slave labor, torture, abuse, and then forced to “pay back” their “debt” for being “taken care of” by Roman Catholic brothers.

Chicano, some of these children were 4 years old!

The unfolding of the stories of these men who were the main focus, some fifty years old at that point, were so touching, and the relationship of friendship and trust that developed between Margaret and the men, as well as the families when reunited, was heart wrenching.

I just cried off and on during different parts; it was like a part of me rent open, a dam sealed off too long. One man made it clear that he had paid back the ‘home’ for his tools, food and such, he “didn’t owe a thing to anyone”, as the money he earned through slave labor paid  for a swimming pool to be put behind the facility they had been forced to build.  Every one of them put into servitude until their ‘debt’ was paid back to these charities.

It seems to me that it created a large overflow of revenue for the government, as well as the many charities that were involved, CHARITIES, because there was no real care involved, even the children cooked for the other children (maybe worse than prison food, in that case); how they built a gorgeous facility hand by hand, with little food or water; beat with large clubs or tractor belts, chased down on horseback if they tried to escape. And then, the sexual trauma…

150,000. Children. Children, from 1947 to the 70’s, our time, endured these horrors. How did it go on for so long? If it hadn’t been for Margaret’s love and open heart, this probably never would have surfaced.

I think God led me to this place tonight, because I have been praying for relief, asking about purpose; how I, one person, can make a difference in the unjust atrocity that has become our life, the secret life of so many people here in America, and all over the world, this sin of silence.

When we sit close-mouthed in the midst of injustice, we, by default, condone.

Pray that I will find my voice.

I love you…

There’s one Rose left…

…from all the flowers you ever planted in the ground.
This one refuses to die, clinging to particles of dirt
from all the places we travelled together; North Carolina, Pennsylvania,
Maryland, back to the mountains of North Carolina, and now, she sits,
tenacious and gnarled, upright in a little pot mingled with dirt from Virginia.

When you return, I expect you plant, one more time, one rose, in a place we call home.

So you want me to write on relationships? (Men, are you looking for, or wanting, a woman?)

10/7/13

Dear Shel,

I finally got your letters on the fourth. I guess they are holding on to them to aggravate me, as well as to keep our correspondance lagging. This way it can cause frustration, and keep us from being up to date on occurences.

We’ll just plow on as best we can.

When you’re talking about CW(the chicken whisperer) and his ‘girlfriend’, here are some things to consider.

She is young, 12, so stop trying to analyze everthing. She probably looks to you as a role model, so just be that for her.

Talk to my son about getting a bath everyday. At 13, he should know better. She probably doesn’t want to get too close because he isn’t bathing regularly and putting on deoderant. (hey, that could be a good thing!)

Just be welcoming and don’t put pressure on her to act a certain way. Also, don’t put pressure on CW, either, because it will only push him harder to her, and will cause issues with him and you later. It will change next year as he goes on to high school. Tell him to send me any questions and I will be glad to talk to him, I don’t care what it’s about. Tell this to both of the boys, as they are older now, and need to talk about more ‘adult’ stuff. But, you don’t need to get involved and try to read their letters if they send them.

Sometimes they don’t want mamma to know…

So, you want me to start writing about relationships?                 

It is hard to know where to start, as it really depends      

on whether or not the man is “looking for” or just “wants” a woman.

You see, when we met, I was looking for a good woman. Even though I currently had a woman, it wasn’t the type of relationship that I really wanted.

So, first off,  men need to understand what they want.

If they are “wanting”, then they will attract ‘loose’ women, which is what the men most likely are, as well.

Men, you need to consider this in your dating process.

A man should honor himself so that he can value honoring a woman. Men should also step up, and take control of their own emotions, look to God for support through The Word, and form support groups through other like-minded men. For younger men, that would men finding older men in secure, happy relationships.

I don’t care where you find ’em, just find ’em. You might be surprised what you could learn from talking to different men at your jobs.  I can remember that many men where I worked, in construction, had crappy sex lives, and they often blamed the women. How can you blame women when you aren’t willing to step up and take responsibility for  the relationship?

And, I am not talking about using pressure or force on your woman, either! I mean, take responsibility for holding up your part of the deal. You must be confident, knowledgeable, and what you don’t know how to do, admit it, and then find answers.

I know you hate to hear it, but if you would turn to the bible for some of your problems, you would find really good, modern answers on how to live your life! Modern advice on sex, relationships, how to handle confrontations, how to handle money, answers to your health and diet issues, as well as how to treat yourself and others. There is really some valuable stuff in there.

I learned the hard way, but I am, and have been, getting it.

When you are confident, exuding a calm, caring manner, it makes a woman feel safe. She can relax around you when you keep your tone down, move with slow, easy movements, comfort and console here when she is stressed.

We need to be clear about who we are, honest and upfront in our dealings. If she doesn’t like it from the get-go, then she can move along to someone else. You will both be better for it.

Talking together, communication, starts great bonds of trust for the future. You must both be able to trust, so men, be trustworthy from the beginning. When there are problems, talk them out immediately, and, as the bible says, don’t let the sun go down on your anger. You should never go to bed if either of you are angry.

25Wherefore putting away lying, speak every man truth with his neighbour: for we are members one of another. 26Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath, Ephesians 4:25-26

A woman who is not at peace is like a covered pot left simmering on the stove. She will boil over if not tended to, so don’t lie to her; share your grievance, and give her a chance to share hers. Be honest from the beginning, and she will respect you, and she will feel free to tell her side of things. This will make for a deeper, more commited relationship.

Men, be better listeners. You don’t always have to be busy thinking about how to ‘fix’ things. Women really just want someone to listen to them; they need to unload all of their stress. They are ‘venting’, and it helps them to feel better. This doesn’t mean she thinks you are always the problem, she sees you as her friend, and friends listen to each other. You should value what the woman has to say, and to care for, and have respect for her needs.

1 Peter 3:7  Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing  honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with  you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be  hindered.

So much of this I learned later, and I had a good woman to help lead me, kicking and screaming to the truth.

Listening is a great tool for men to understand how to communicate with women, as well as giving her quality time.

Don’t just come home and plop down on the couch, and then expect sex later that night in the bed.

Don’t expect to lie around and get great sex later on…

Never assume that she is “all right”, but work to understand her needs.

This is the key to a fulfilling sexual relationship, as well.

Women need more time to warm up to your needs, as they are busy multi-tasking, and handle stress much differently than we do. Whereas we compartmentalize our issues, tackling one thing at a time, a woman is aware of ten different things at once, and they need help focusing. If you want to get good sex then, you must give it.

I wanted sex every day, several times a day, but I comprimised with my wife, and we always made time for sex about 4-6 times a week. I didn’t understand until later that most men are lucky if they get if 4 or 5 times a month. Understand men, that if you aren’t willing to take control and deal with your needs, as well as discussing hers in an honest and flexible way, it will be very hard to have a pleasing and wonderful sex life that satisfies you both.

Women need and want a lot of hands on loving, to feel cherished, and to hear you say how much you feel for them while you attending to their bodies. Look at the book of Solomon.

God wants us to have sexual intimacy, and we are intended to start with spiritual intimacy, and then we nurture the physical and friend aspects, and the three together create love. We must then begin by nurturing and unconditionally loving ourselves. When we are healthy, our love is healthy, and it is easily recognized by others, and causes your partner much security and joy.

Song of Sol. 2 vs. 3 “I sat down in his shade with great delight,” and then, vs. 4, “…his banner over me was love.”

Rulers had these huge, beautiful, intimidating banners that could be seen far and wide across the plains before and during battle, or when he was on the move. For Solomon’s woman here to sit in the shade of his love is a huge deisre for women. She felt protected, cherished, and on display as his for all the world to see. This is important for women, as well as important that other men see your banner over her, that she is ‘off limits’, and belongs to only you. A man can tell when a woman is pleased by her man, and when she is in love, and will back off.

Is this starting to make sense? I’m really tired now, from thinking on all of that, I wrote about 3 pgs in 45 minutes, so I’m going to take a break and write more on Solomon later, but I will come back to it.Promise.