Little Victories

 

1/27/14

One need not always trust in the 'large' things -  Isaiah 31  King James Version (KJV) 31 Woe to them that go down to Egypt for help; and stay on horses, and trust in chariots, because they are many; and in horsemen, because they are very strong; but they look not unto the Holy One of Israel, neither seek the Lord!

One need not always trust in the ‘large’ things –
Isaiah 31
King James Version (KJV)
31 Woe to them that go down to Egypt for help; and stay on horses, and trust in chariots, because they are many; and in horsemen, because they are very strong; but they look not unto the Holy One of Israel, neither seek the Lord!

I’m reading your letter to be about how you feel imprisoned, somewhat like  I am experiencing, although our prisons are different. No matter what either of us does, we can’t escape. This is God, working on our outer selves, which is essential to allow God’s Spirit to be released. Praise God for how you’ve been able to surrender to this discipline, and for learning patience with our children. I’m so glad to hear the boys are branching out, and aren’t so afraid to do their own things. I’m so proud of their growth amid all of the things they’ve been through. I just pray they see how loved they are by God, and are being taught by Him in so many ways. God is working on Nate so he can learn to discern who his real friends are, and to not feel ashamed for speaking out against injustice at school. God is using my suffering to teach them, to reach others, as well who need to realize the anguish and injustice in their own backyards.

I have to admit, I’ve been under attack now for over a week. I’ve not been happy with what God is allowing to happen in my life. I stay confused and blocked from understanding what is happening to me. I know I have to work through it, and am battling this selfish outer man. You have been so encouraging throughout this whole ordeal, and  know your love for me is real. I just feel so weakened and alone lately, and have to just give it to God…

I’ve noticed my eyes become blurry after reading awhile.  I have to pull the book or paper away from my face to be able to ready clearly. I used to have 20-15 vision, but only God knows what being in isolation has done…

I’m watching 60 minutes and listening to how there is such a shortage of psych0logists and therapists across the nati0n; and stories like what you’ve been through recently with our boys. Then they talked about how there are lack of beds in the institutions for the extreme behavior needs like what we experienced with my two children that led us to end up like this, due to not having adequate care in the mental health fields. If you can google this, maybe you will find some support sites so you have other people to talk to, and can maybe even get some help with our case. Isn’t it amazing how much has to happen before things like this come to the light?

Speaking of lights, this crew tonight is the one that often leaves our lights on until midnight, which was the main reason I wrote the grievance about not having any relief from the lighting. Tonight, though, they went out at 10:38 p.m., which is so wonderful! Even the little things feel like big victories!

 

The prison has never addressed my pain post-op

12/27/13 I received your letter, with the grievance and the emails from Congressman Howard Coble, and as well as the Senator Trudy Wade. Your grievance to the Guilford County CPS/DSS was remarkable.

How much pain it must have been to relive our time with them. God must truly be behind this path, for Him to help you endure that torture again, remembering each detail.

I hope you will feel better soon. I continue to pray for your health to improve. For myself, I want so badly to feel whole again. I attempted to exercise Monday, and paid for it, dearly. I began standing toe touches, slowly working down to my toes, only doing 26 at a time.  Along with standing bicycles, with my elbows bending to touch my knees, 25. Also, side bends, with 50 in a set. Then 25 pushups in a set. I ended up with 100 toe touches, 100 standing bicycles, as many push ups and 2oo side bends. Now remember, before this surgery I was doing 1,000 pushups. This morning, I couldn’t even get out of bed without dragging myself along, as my right side hurt so bad. I took ibuprofen all day long. It didn’t stop for three days! So, I am nothing near ‘normal’ for me. The prison has never addressed my issue with pain post-op, and there is still something wrong with my intestines. There seems to be a lump  I can feel with the toe touches.

Your short letter brought me so much joy that you mailed with the second prison complaint follow-up from November. I wept to think how much I mean to you that you would put yourself in front of all these state people for me. Even as you face so much adversity, you continue to encourage me to try harder in here to be heard.

Only God can know my heart, Rochelle. I was never good at words to tell you how much you mean to me.

12/28/13

They woke me up at 6:25 a.m. to tell me I had to pack up, and am moving to D-wing. I only got two hours of sleep from the door slamming, and am exhausted and grouchy. In the new cell, the light is directly overhead, but

the air is not facing me when I sleep! Praise God, it is barely moving in the vent! I will not have to wear all of the extra clothes. There is also a seat now, whereas I had to write while hunched on the edge of my sleep ledge before. I did lose my extra mat to lie on. We sleep on what looks like a kindergarten mat, no mattress.

So, everything you’re writing to these people is starting to get to them here. I trust God will keep improving conditions through you!

I wrote to my case manager, and he answered back saying that my review date for seg has been moved forward to January, instead of waiting until February. There is a chance I may get out of seg by the end of January. Even moving to the close ops would be an improvement!

I know that this false charge has been a way for us to be put in a place to stay still and seek Him for our strength.

Thank you for allowing God to build a better relationship with us, and Him. We have grown so much closer in the past four months, and my own strength and belief is much stronger now.  I miss you so much!

I am reading Wednesday’s paper that I got on Friday today, as I draw each one out so they last through the weekend. this helps me to have some distraction in this new place. I’ve finished the bible study correspondence you sent. I wish I had a longer, harder one. In this new area, I’ve noticed that there are many in here to talk to themselves, even to the point of answering. So, this is where the ones go that have to stay long periods. I was in a revolving door wing, for those with only 40 days or so time.

This is no way to exist. No wonder they crack. God help us all. I now don’t feel alone in my distress.

I simply thought I was weak.

The torture is not something one can fight; it is administered on us day after day.

I am now in a room with very little space to move. The handicap room had 20 more square feet of space.

That is tremendous loss of space! But, I can see the sun through the windows now, and it warms my wall! Praise Him for the small things, always. I don’t have to wear all of those layers, and …I won! I won, I won, 30 stamps! So far no losses with 15 games .

I’ve been trying to clean. Obviously the last one here had some disagreements with the staff of Marion Correctional ICON.

I can’t remember the last night I slept more than two hours. That psychologist needs to stay in here for a few weeks with only two hours of sleep and see if she still calls it ‘normal’. Or maybe more like four months like this.

Now, I can hear a t.v. Can’t see it, but it is such a blessing to at least hear something normal, anything. I can hear the news, and I may be able to even hear the Super Bowl! If I’m still back here, of course.

God has been working through you in such great ways. Rest and follow God’s instructions. I so long to hold you in my arms. You are such an unselfish woman who has allowed her outer self to be broken so that God’s spirit may truly shine for the world to see. Through all of our trials and suffering God breaks the ‘outer self’ so He might shine through on the earth. As we embrace the suffering, and accept the need to surrender, then true work is done!

(Battle of Carchemish) Jeremiah 46 ~ 10 For this is the day of the Lord God of hosts, A day of vengeance, That He may avenge Himself on His adversaries. The sword shall devour; It shall be satiated and made drunk with their blood; For the Lord God of hosts has a sacrifice In the north country by the River Euphrates. 11 “Go up to Gilead and take balm, O virgin, the daughter of Egypt; In vain you will use many medicines; You shall not be cured.

Even if  I have to  be like Jeremiah and proclaim God’s word for 40 years, so be it! You should see me dancing around my room.

I won!

God’s plan may not make sense right now…

12/12/13
We are more connected now beyond what most can understand.
Reading your last letter put me there with you and our boys.
I could feel Nate’s pain through each word you wrote.
I wept so hard for him, as I felt his pain.
It never gets easier to bear. But, you and I truly did our best.
If nothing else, it was mostly my fault. I felt so bad because we’d had no choice but to send DJ back to that hellhole with his mother. We just couldn’t get any help from the mental health system.
There is never enough to go around for these kids(kids with special needs), as the funding is always cut to line someone else’s pockets further up the chain.

I was just blinded by wanting to show Daniel Jr. love; I needed him to see that I cared for him. I was so excited about being a project manager, having a job ‘back home’ after being up north for that time away from Southern people and family; it felt like a new start.
I also didn’t want him to feel the way that my dad made me feel, that I was nothing, worthless…
When we moved back to North Carolina, I had hoped that perhaps we could start over, maybe do family therapy, try again to get some help and find out what exactly had been going on. We just didn’t know.
There was so much confusion, and Carolyn always kept the older kids riled up and starting things at home; it was hard to keep things calm.
Nothing I can say will change what happened, I just pray to God, for it all.

I pray, for all of my children to receive healing. There is nothing I can do in here, but pray, the hurt is so strong knowing that we just weren’t fully aware of the extent of the damage that was occurring. God forgive DJ for doing those acts, and I pray Veronica, Nate and Alex will learn to lean on the Lord to give them hope. Their faith will grow as ours has, and even though God’s plan may not make sense right now, it will in time, according to His purpose. Nothing I can say, as a man can make anything right. My love has become so much stronger knowing Jesus’ love is so much more than we can understand. I wish I could hold all of them, my children, and give them comfort where there is none, and let them feel their daddy’s love again. May they feel God’s love around them, giving them comfort.

They are still tearing off the holiday stickers that you put on my envelopes. But, at least they aren’t marking out the bible verses you write on them. I am listening to the Christmas shoe song. It always makes me cry to hear that. I miss my mom so much. She never had much, but she always tried to give more than she had. Those little gifts meant so much to her to be able to give to her children and grandchildren. It wasn’t the toy that mattered, it was what was in her heart. She was so giving!
helping-others

I have no value unless it comes through God

The mind of man plans his way but the Lord directs his steps. Proverbs 16:9

The mind of man plans his way but the Lord directs his steps. Proverbs 16:9

12/5/13 .

…….

Praise God for keeping me calm, and knowing when to keep my mouth shut.

The assistant superintendent came in today and looked in my room to see if he could find anything wrong. He saw that

I had a paper cover over most of my light. Not that it really did any good during the day, but as we don’t get

any relief from the constant light, it did help at night. He made me take it down. I complied, as I don’t need any more write ups.

No matter what they do, I am receiving lessons, and God is with me, so who can be against me?

I no longer have my own strength, but the full measure comes from God himself. NO one else got in trouble for their papers,

but I just accepted it as part of what is coming as we have started these formal grievances.

We only have an 8 x 10 cell, with 4 long fluorescent bulbs keeping it lit up in here. Some days they are on for over 19 hours.

My heart rate went up, knowing I was the one singled out, I heard a whisper in my ear stating, “I am in control.”

Just seeing his face angered me, but God’s spirit kept me calm.

What I’m trying to tell y0u is that I have no value unless it comes through God. All my own actions are worthless until I submit fully to God’s will working in my life.

Now that you have sent things to the representatives and congress and the governor, things should get tougher on the prison.  They were hoping this would just disappear. But, that hasn’t happened. God is in control.

I did do some exercising, and was able to get in 10 pushups before I had a sharp pain and stopped.  I did 36 toe touches and 50 side bends. I sometimes get these sharp inner pains, but the swelling has started to go down a little, almost two months later.

I’m drinking a cup of my coffee now, thinking of all of these evenings we would sit in the swing on the front porch and watch the stars in the summer, or winter and there’d be steam coming off of our breaths as we talked about our day or things to do with the kids.

I took for granted all those blessed days. I now await God’s next chapter of our lives together. I know it will be quite an experience.

Things will work out according to God’s will. We have to wait on God and not force it to be something we want, when we want it.

I love you.

May God be part of your Every Decision

 I hope you and the readers don’t mind that I just seem to jump from topic to topic. I work so hard to stay focused in here, but it gets so hard at times. I never thought this was going to be as bad it is becoming.  I read the bible, and all of the things you send me, but there’s so little to occupy my time. It would be so great if some folks would write to me. I don’t mind answering any questions, or just corresponding. Will you give them my address?  I enjoy looking at the blog excerpts you send me, and am really surprised that people are reading this. I just do the best I can to get through these days, and to learn all I can so as to be a better person and to make a difference in the world and to help my children heal, as God allows us to reconnect.

Let’s see, today.November 23rd, I’ve been in here 84 days. It has been great to at least hear what is going on in the world through others. The Tarheels won today, 8-20, a football game! Appalachian State also did great 24-0 against WNCU at halftime.

I put in yet another request form for medical to let me have thermals. I just stay cold in here, and with the pain, it is bad. They are the only one who can administer the 490 for them. I just took a shower and feel so much better. I don’t understand why they won’t let us bathe everyday. They have plenty of personnel to do so. I mean, I do understand that it is a form of punishment, but to what end? I’m hungry, and have one more peanut butter and jelly sandwich, so will eat that here at 10 p.m. and write more later…

11/24/13

I was listening to 106.9 and the Christian music has more power than ever before, for some reason. I started crying this morning listening, just raising my hands, swaying back and forth and singing. It was so meaningful to hear God’s word, and to feel His love filling my heart. Without Him, I’d not have the strength to continue. I can do nothing in my own strength. I will fail every time, but realizing this and confessing this to God, believing in his Son will give me true strength and power. This truly lifts my Spirit, which is the power of Jesus in me.

The after affects of this entire incident from August 31 has been horrible. I now see that they’ve added 15, yes 15 years to my sentence because I didn’t want to suffocate in a prison cell, and asked for a CO to do something about the lack of moving air, and they’ve given me 24 points. I will be forced to do almost a year in isolation and continued to be punished for two or three more years afterward!

I still can’t over being so cold…I am in a building and have to wear 3 shirts, 2 shirt jackets, and pants, and my feet are still cold!

I just want to wish you all a wonderful Thanksgiving, and be sure to be thankful for all that you have-there’s always someone out there doing far worse. I will continue to write more of what God is teaching me in my next letters. May God be part of your every decision.

Trust Him, and He will not fail you!

There’s No One but God to ask for help in here

 KJV Exodus 23:25.  And ye shall serve the LORD your God, and he shall bless thy bread, and thy water; and I will take sickness away from the midst of thee.  - King James Bible

KJV Exodus 23:25.
And ye shall serve the LORD your God, and he shall bless thy bread, and thy water; and I will take sickness away from the midst of thee.
– King James Bible

11-2-13

I love the way your letters smell! (Do I tell you this every time?)
These lights are very bright; get woken up every day, the same time, with lights burning on and time for feed (4:30). I hate the way they turn these lights on, and then off(10 p.m.)
It has been cold today. I wish I could get a shirt jacket. They don’t want to give or do anything to help us. at all. I’m even wearing two shirts, two pairs of socks, and pants. I’ve felt down all day due to this coldness.
I’m trying to find a way to get some Q-tips, ink pens, and Lever 2000 soap. That means I have to look for someone who has just come into seg before they see the DHO. Then, I will also have to buy it. The little state bar they give us doesn’t really work, and makes my whole body break out.

When we ‘fish’ and it is far away, we have to work together to get it from one place to another. Then when they get back to regular population, it’s each for himself.

11/3/13

I finished writing both of the boys a letter. I worry about how you are holding it together, and if they will have to be sent away. They have been through so much, and are holding it together as good as they can, but they could straighten up a lot of their behavior.

It is still sooo cold, but mainly my feet, even with two pairs of socks. I wish I could figure it out; it’s not like me to not be able to get warm.

11/14/13

I’ve not been well in mind.  I thought I was just being depressed, but at day 75, I am slowly losing my feel on things.

I have to get closer to God, strengthen my relationship with Him so I can hear Him speak. I think now that I am being attacked to keep that from happening. Just as Daniel prayed and fasted for 20 days before the archangel Michael was able to break through to deliver God’s message to him.

The nurse came today, along with the doctor. They came because I wrote a request form for more Ibuprofen because of the pain. He looked at my incision and said it was healing well. He asked me where it hurt, and was poking around and he just said that sometimes nerves are hit and it takes longer to heal. He’s going to prescribe some more pain medicine, like Advil. I asked him why I was staying so cold; I explained that I’d never had this feeling before I lost all of the blood after surgery. He said he would have my blood looked at to see if I was anemic. Sounds like they already knew that’s what had happened, but they just weren’t going to do anything about it.

I’ve asked for vitamins because I feel so lethargic. I just don’t feel like myself. I miss you so much. It makes me cry. The loneliness is starting to really think in. I guess. Louvonda wrote me a letter and said my package request was rejected, and they sent her back her money. The lawyer has called her to say that the investigator was sick, and that was why he wasn’t reporting anything back.

I still haven’t received anything for the pain, and I have the shakes and my head pounds. Don’t know what is going on, maybe I have a fever. I only have God to ask for help…

Work with What you Have, Thanking God for it

No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it." 1 Corinthians 10:13 ESV

No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.”
1 Corinthians 10:13 ESV

10/29/13

It was so great to get a card from you today. The letters from the boys were great!

I really need to hear from you and the boys. I so miss their personalities; being apart has brought much sadness to my soul. They have helped me to grow and I hate I had to be apart from everyone to understand this!

The Chaplain came to see me, and he couldn’t believe how long I would be in here. He seemed very concerned. Jesus i with me, so I will just do the best I can with it all. I’ve learned so much about how closed off I’ve become with people, even in my Christian fellowship. I’m now ready to embrace each person without shame, as God taught us to do; to have faith in God.

10/30/13

Your visit was just what I needed, even with so many distractions around us. You were able to communicate what you wanted. Your love means so much to me, especially in isolation. I thought it was bad in population; not even close. My wound really started to hurt after you left.  began to burn and ache deep inside. It still hurts even now, at 10 p.m. It fills my heart to know just how much love you send me each day. Thank you so much!

When doing all of the grievances and writing, just do it as you are able. I think you are doing too much. And, it will burn you out. So, pace yourself and allow God to create the timing. Let the words flow like the living water of Jesus; to push things will only bring frustration. You’re doing a great job, so please know that I appreciate it very much!

I’ve put in a sick call for vitamins and fish oil, as I can no longer buy them.

11/1/13

I’ve got to stop all of the negative thinking. It’s hard to stay positive with so much that is ugly around you. The negative vibes never stop coming. You can only ignore so much. I got my wallet today, three weeks later, and she didn’t order my package until 10/24, so most likely I won’t be allowed to get it.

I didn’t write any yesterday, as I was all out of whack. The operation site seems to hurt more and more every night. During the day it doesn’t hurt as badly. I did get all of my newspapers this week. I’m reading everything you send, trying to learn as much as I can. I would love to take some English courses for grammar; as my spelling sucks! lol…

Last night it hurt so bad inside that it felt like something was being pulled out of me. But it didn’t hurt today. The pain comes and goes and it doesn’t make sense.

You really seem to have a clearer idea of how you want to proceed. Something has changed in you; there is so much confidence! You are evolving, and I love you so much! I know I was angry alot in our marriage. Hell, most of the time, I didn’t know why…I didn’t feel appreciated, I guess, like I had to do everything or it wouldn’t get done. But, you were having a hard time with your condition (Asperger’s) handling all of the things that were being thrown at you. You needed a man to support you as the head of the house, and I often acted as a child. You needed a man to help you with what you were going through, one to stand by you, working together to solve the household problems. You deserved better of me and some days I did better, but others were bad.

11/2/13

We both had to learn on the go, and I never had a good role model. I knew I wanted to do better than my family had done. But, to be honest, I don’t think I did a very good job. I tried to hard to give my family a better life, as poverty isn’t a great place. We were trying so hard, I believe we forgot where we came from. Now, we are both in poverty. I believe we both had to go back to this situation to better understand how just how hard it was for our parents to make ends meet. Until we can feel and understand that again, and learn to make due with what we have, and make it last, we won’t receive more.

So, work with what you have, thanking God for it, and He will give us more as we learn to handle these trials. I can see this working even now, more clearly in your life. Continue asking for guidance and follow His direction. Things are improving in God’s time, not ours…

 

$12. for an ounce of coffee?!? (24 stamps)

coffee

Now, I am in here six months, SIX, and can’t buy toothpaste. Forget coffee.

I got the ICON version of canteen today, 2 boxes or 12 cough drops, 2 sets of ear

plugs, and 3 batteries, as well as 17 postage stamps. I ordered the stamps in

the hopes of trading for some coffee, as we certainly can’t buy that in seg! My ‘neighbor’ wants 24 stamps for one and a half ounces of instant coffee maker. That’s IF he fishes it to me. I will have to wait until he decides to do so. Here is a list of what inmates in ICON can ‘order’. Note: NO FOOD.

ointment   menthol   lozenges   antifungal cream   pimple lotion   Blistex Noxzema   ear plugs   batteries   shower shoes   Braun Razor   replacement blades   foils   a plastic watch (worth about $6. )for $9.17.

Oh stamps, and denture cream, which I will need if I am never going to be allowed to buy toothpaste..lolol…if we don’t laugh, we’ll drown in tears in here…

God, I hope my cousin was able to order that food package before I was sentenced with ICON. I just wish she would write me back to let me know what was going on with her. I need to get my family’s addresses and phone numbers because when they put me in here the guards took my address book and threw it away. Now I can’t get in touch with anyone. Not that I can call before February, but I could at least write some of my family members up north…trusting in God…He’s in control.

10-26-13

I have just lain around today, not wanting to move much. I took a shower and now feel better to try and write. Getting a bath every other day doesn’t help, but the swelling is very painful, even above the incision, and the area is very hard. I am still getting wheeled to and from, but the weighted handcuffs don’t help.

I still didn’t get my coffee after paying my stamps, so I better get it tonight.  I won’t have but one stamp left, so I want to get this out tomorrow, and then I ‘ll have to wait until Friday to buy more.

Oh, now my neighbor admits it was only 10 stamps for one and a half ounces of coffee grounds. It was 20 for the whole bag, so he gave me six stamps back.  Is this insane, or what?

There’s one Rose left…

There's one Rose left...

…from all the flowers you ever planted in the ground.
This one refuses to die, clinging to particles of dirt
from all the places we travelled together; North Carolina, Pennsylvania,
Maryland, back to the mountains of North Carolina, and now, she sits,
tenacious and gnarled, upright in a little pot mingled with dirt from Virginia.

When you return, I expect you plant, one more time, one rose, in a place we call home.

So you want me to write on relationships? (Men, are you looking for, or wanting, a woman?)

10/7/13

Dear Shel,

I finally got your letters on the fourth. I guess they are holding on to them to aggravate me, as well as to keep our correspondance lagging. This way it can cause frustration, and keep us from being up to date on occurences.

We’ll just plow on as best we can.

When you’re talking about CW(the chicken whisperer) and his ‘girlfriend’, here are some things to consider.

She is young, 12, so stop trying to analyze everthing. She probably looks to you as a role model, so just be that for her.

Talk to my son about getting a bath everyday. At 13, he should know better. She probably doesn’t want to get too close because he isn’t bathing regularly and putting on deoderant. (hey, that could be a good thing!)

Just be welcoming and don’t put pressure on her to act a certain way. Also, don’t put pressure on CW, either, because it will only push him harder to her, and will cause issues with him and you later. It will change next year as he goes on to high school. Tell him to send me any questions and I will be glad to talk to him, I don’t care what it’s about. Tell this to both of the boys, as they are older now, and need to talk about more ‘adult’ stuff. But, you don’t need to get involved and try to read their letters if they send them.

Sometimes they don’t want mamma to know…

So, you want me to start writing about relationships?                 

It is hard to know where to start, as it really depends       sex, men, women, God, relationships

on whether or not the man is “looking for” or just “wants” a woman.

You see, when we met, I was looking for a good woman. Even though I currently had a woman, it wasn’t the type of relationship that I really wanted.

So, first off,  men need to understand what they want.

If they are “wanting”, then they will attract ‘loose’ women, which is what the men most likely are, as well.

Men, you need to consider this in your dating process.

A man should honor himself so that he can value honoring a woman. Men should also step up, and take control of their own emotions, look to God for support through The Word, and form support groups through other like-minded men. For younger men, that would men finding older men in secure, happy relationships.

I don’t care where you find ’em, just find ’em. You might be surprised what you could learn from talking to different men at your jobs.  I can remember that many men where I worked, in construction, had crappy sex lives, and they often blamed the women. How can you blame women when you aren’t willing to step up and take responsibility for  the relationship?

And, I am not talking about using pressure or force on your woman, either! I mean, take responsibility for holding up your part of the deal. You must be confident, knowledgeable, and what you don’t know how to do, admit it, and then find answers.

I know you hate to hear it, but if you would turn to the bible for some of your problems, you would find really good, modern answers on how to live your life! Modern advice on sex, relationships, how to handle confrontations, how to handle money, answers to your health and diet issues, as well as how to treat yourself and others. There is really some valuable stuff in there.

I learned the hard way, but I am, and have been, getting it.

When you are confident, exuding a calm, caring manner, it makes a woman feel safe. She can relax around you when you keep your tone down, move with slow, easy movements, comfort and console here when she is stressed.

We need to be clear about who we are, honest and upfront in our dealings. If she doesn’t like it from the get-go, then she can move along to someone else. You will both be better for it.

Talking together, communication, starts great bonds of trust for the future. You must both be able to trust, so men, be trustworthy from the beginning. When there are problems, talk them out immediately, and, as the bible says, don’t let the sun go down on your anger. You should never go to bed if either of you are angry.

25Wherefore putting away lying, speak every man truth with his neighbour: for we are members one of another. 26Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath, Ephesians 4:25-26

A woman who is not at peace is like a covered pot left simmering on the stove. She will boil over if not tended to, so don’t lie to her; share your grievance, and give her a chance to share hers. Be honest from the beginning, and she will respect you, and she will feel free to tell her side of things. This will make for a deeper, more commited relationship.

Men, be better listeners. You don’t always have to be busy thinking about how to ‘fix’ things. Women really just want someone to listen to them; they need to unload all of their stress. They are ‘venting’, and it helps them to feel better. This doesn’t mean she thinks you are always the problem, she sees you as her friend, and friends listen to each other. You should value what the woman has to say, and to care for, and have respect for her needs.

1 Peter 3:7  Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing  honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with  you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be  hindered.

So much of this I learned later, and I had a good woman to help lead me, kicking and screaming to the truth.

Listening is a great tool for men to understand how to communicate with women, as well as giving her quality time.

Don’t just come home and plop down on the couch, and then expect sex later that night in the bed.

men, women, relationships, faith

Don’t expect to lie around and get great sex later on…

Never assume that she is “all right”, but work to understand her needs.

This is the key to a fulfilling sexual relationship, as well.

Women need more time to warm up to your needs, as they are busy multi-tasking, and handle stress much differently than we do. Whereas we compartmentalize our issues, tackling one thing at a time, a woman is aware of ten different things at once, and they need help focusing. If you want to get good sex then, you must give it.

I wanted sex every day, several times a day, but I comprimised with my wife, and we always made time for sex about 4-6 times a week. I didn’t understand until later that most men are lucky if they get if 4 or 5 times a month. Understand men, that if you aren’t willing to take control and deal with your needs, as well as discussing hers in an honest and flexible way, it will be very hard to have a pleasing and wonderful sex life that satisfies you both.

Women need and want a lot of hands on loving, to feel cherished, and to hear you say how much you feel for them while you attending to their bodies. Look at the book of Solomon.

God wants us to have sexual intimacy, and we are intended to start with spiritual intimacy, and then we nurture the physical and friend aspects, and the three together create love. We must then begin by nurturing and unconditionally loving ourselves. When we are healthy, our love is healthy, and it is easily recognized by others, and causes your partner much security and joy.

Song of Sol. 2 vs. 3 “I sat down in his shade with great delight,” and then, vs. 4, “…his banner over me was love.”

Rulers had these huge, beautiful, intimidating banners that could be seen far and wide across the plains before and during battle, or when he was on the move. For Solomon’s woman here to sit in the shade of his love is a huge deisre for women. She felt protected, cherished, and on display as his for all the world to see. This is important for women, as well as important that other men see your banner over her, that she is ‘off limits’, and belongs to only you. A man can tell when a woman is pleased by her man, and when she is in love, and will back off.

Is this starting to make sense? I’m really tired now, from thinking on all of that, I wrote about 3 pgs in 45 minutes, so I’m going to take a break and write more on Solomon later, but I will come back to it.Promise.