Work with What you Have, Thanking God for it

No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it." 1 Corinthians 10:13 ESV

No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.”
1 Corinthians 10:13 ESV

10/29/13

It was so great to get a card from you today. The letters from the boys were great!

I really need to hear from you and the boys. I so miss their personalities; being apart has brought much sadness to my soul. They have helped me to grow and I hate I had to be apart from everyone to understand this!

The Chaplain came to see me, and he couldn’t believe how long I would be in here. He seemed very concerned. Jesus i with me, so I will just do the best I can with it all. I’ve learned so much about how closed off I’ve become with people, even in my Christian fellowship. I’m now ready to embrace each person without shame, as God taught us to do; to have faith in God.

10/30/13

Your visit was just what I needed, even with so many distractions around us. You were able to communicate what you wanted. Your love means so much to me, especially in isolation. I thought it was bad in population; not even close. My wound really started to hurt after you left.  began to burn and ache deep inside. It still hurts even now, at 10 p.m. It fills my heart to know just how much love you send me each day. Thank you so much!

When doing all of the grievances and writing, just do it as you are able. I think you are doing too much. And, it will burn you out. So, pace yourself and allow God to create the timing. Let the words flow like the living water of Jesus; to push things will only bring frustration. You’re doing a great job, so please know that I appreciate it very much!

I’ve put in a sick call for vitamins and fish oil, as I can no longer buy them.

11/1/13

I’ve got to stop all of the negative thinking. It’s hard to stay positive with so much that is ugly around you. The negative vibes never stop coming. You can only ignore so much. I got my wallet today, three weeks later, and she didn’t order my package until 10/24, so most likely I won’t be allowed to get it.

I didn’t write any yesterday, as I was all out of whack. The operation site seems to hurt more and more every night. During the day it doesn’t hurt as badly. I did get all of my newspapers this week. I’m reading everything you send, trying to learn as much as I can. I would love to take some English courses for grammar; as my spelling sucks! lol…

Last night it hurt so bad inside that it felt like something was being pulled out of me. But it didn’t hurt today. The pain comes and goes and it doesn’t make sense.

You really seem to have a clearer idea of how you want to proceed. Something has changed in you; there is so much confidence! You are evolving, and I love you so much! I know I was angry alot in our marriage. Hell, most of the time, I didn’t know why…I didn’t feel appreciated, I guess, like I had to do everything or it wouldn’t get done. But, you were having a hard time with your condition (Asperger’s) handling all of the things that were being thrown at you. You needed a man to support you as the head of the house, and I often acted as a child. You needed a man to help you with what you were going through, one to stand by you, working together to solve the household problems. You deserved better of me and some days I did better, but others were bad.

11/2/13

We both had to learn on the go, and I never had a good role model. I knew I wanted to do better than my family had done. But, to be honest, I don’t think I did a very good job. I tried to hard to give my family a better life, as poverty isn’t a great place. We were trying so hard, I believe we forgot where we came from. Now, we are both in poverty. I believe we both had to go back to this situation to better understand how just how hard it was for our parents to make ends meet. Until we can feel and understand that again, and learn to make due with what we have, and make it last, we won’t receive more.

So, work with what you have, thanking God for it, and He will give us more as we learn to handle these trials. I can see this working even now, more clearly in your life. Continue asking for guidance and follow His direction. Things are improving in God’s time, not ours…

 

Letter to the Office of Executive Clemency of North Carolina, Pat McCrory

YOU COULD MAKE A DIFFERENCE SO AN INNOCENT MAN DOESN’T DIE FROM MEDICAL NEGLECT WHILE IN PRISON – PLEASE READ
please email your support to our cause here – clemency@nc.gov
 Dear Gov. McCrory,

You have the power to save my husband from abuse and torture, medical neglect, and possible death of a wrongly accused American citizen.

The innocent often do not have a voice, and we need assistance, as what has been happening at Marion Correctional in Marion, North Carolina has gone silent long enough. My husband could die.

My husband has recently had a surgery that was bare minimum in its procedure and consequent care, in isolation in a prison where he does not belong.

I am afraid that he now has an internal infection where the huge 5″ incision was performed and has closed the infection inside. He has not been allowed to bathe daily, and had no way to clean his wounds or to care for himself properly since the surgery on October 15. He gets subgrade food that is not nourishing him, and he almost died on the day of the surgery.

I am writing a formal complaint that will be emailed today to several House of Representatives, as well as to the DOC in Raleigh, and to other government officials. He could die under these conditions, as it has been almost six weeks (Oct.15 surgery) and he has symptoms that would indicate that he has an internal infection that could lead to his becoming septic.

He almost died the same day as the surgery, as he stood in handcuffs on his arms and ankles not even 10 hours after the surgery to relieve himself, and the guards would not even allow him to sit on the toilet, but he had to stand, shackled. As a result from the strain, he began to bleed continuously. By a miracle of God, as doctor and nurses could not stop it, the blood pouring out of his body stopped.

He wasn’t even allowed an overnight stay for observation. He has received no further medical assistance to help him heal , such as extra or special food rations, ability to receive vitamin or other supplements for possible anemia, etc. He cannot even sit in the sun to get much needed fresh air and healing from the effects of the sun.

Please understand that the doctor at Marion, as well as his assistant have been recently ‘moved’ due to this type of medical neglect. There is also an inmate currently whose incision was reopened due to his hernia becoming infected, and he had to be internally cleansed from the lack of care. 

Daniel was wrongfully imprisoned in 2011 in Guilford County, with no evidence against him, a threatened jury, and I was not allowed to testify on his behalf, as they threatened to throw me in jail if I did, and we have two autistic boys, as well as my 85 year old mother, and there would be no one left to care for them. The jury was threatened by Judge Stewart Albright, after three days of deliberation where they could not come to a unanimous guilty verdict.

It was a hung jury, yet on that Friday in January 2011, he brought in the jury after lunch, at 1:15pm and screamed at this panel of older, tired people, threatening to keep them there indefinitely if they did not make a unanimous finding.

At 3:30 pm they walked in and found my husband guilty of 13 counts of sexual related felonies, and 10 years a piece, railroading his sentence into 130 years, with NO evidence, no forensic expertfor the defense, and no testimony from myself, with all of the records of therapy for my step kids, how his ex wife left the youngest son on our doorstep, saying we could ‘have’ him, and the signs she had groomed the oldest step son, if he was not also molested by her boyfriend, as well. This same child, now 20, had sexually molested both my boys. We had tried to get him hsopitalized, but there were no beds at the time I first suspected the sexual abuse, and we were on a waiting list with intensive in home mental services.

My testimony would have ruined Assistant DA Maury A. Hubbard’s case against Daniel Sr. Our story has yet to be told, but I am working diligently, but his health issues have put a stop to that for now.

My mother’s family, as well as us, have lived in Alamance County or Guilford for many decades, my mother was born in Alamance County. I am a third generation graduate of Elon College, and was a Dean’s List Student. We are hard working American citizens who always paid our taxes and tried to make a difference in the world.

You can be a voice for the innocent where it has been silenced by these District 18 officials. They falsely ruined my career as a day care administrator, and our families, putting children back in the presence of a perpetrator, if not two.

Wake Forest Innocence Clinic has been preparing Daniel’s case this year to see what can be done to get him out and clear his name, and our reputations.

I am asking all those I email and mail to call to the Marion Correctional Center or better yet, to the Raleigh branch of the DOC, Mr. Solomon’s office, the director, to ask that my husband be allowed to :

  • be transported to see Dr. Cope in Burlington, NC for  unbiased, third party review and possible care plan,
  • that his A charges be dropped, as the isolation  sentence is a farce and created just as punishment as he and five others  were being brave enough to beg for HVAC repair when there was no air all  week in their unit while the rest of the prison had air for most of the  week of Aug.31,
  • and since he has now served 84 days of isolation  from his peers in both admin seg and now ICON total – both are isolation ,  that his abuse and torture be stopped.
  • that you use your wisdom as governor to use your  executive power As the Governor of NC, to look over my complete documents,  and to see the racial discrimination, the profiling, the prosecutorial  misconduct by Mr. Hubbard, as well as the purposeful breach to a fair trial that Judge Albright commited by allowing Mr. Hubbard III to commit     such unconstitutional acts, as can be shown by reading the 16 page     grievance to the State Bar that they have not ruled on yet. It is quite     forthcoming. He was not allowed an unbiased set of peers, as there were NO  Mexican Americans on the jury, either.

The first Amendment breach was so crucial to the false imprisonment being allowed to take place to Daniel.

A right to jury trial is granted to criminal defendants in order to prevent oppression by the Government. Those who wrote our constitutions knew from history and experience that it was necessary to protect against unfounded criminal charges brought to eliminate enemies and against judges too responsive to the voice of higher authority. The framers of the constitutions strove to create an independent judiciary but insisted upon further protection against arbitrary action. Providing an accused with the right to be tried by a jury of his peers gave him an inestimable safeguard against the corrupt overzealous prosecutor and against the compliant, biased, or eccentric judge. . . . [T]he jury trial provisions . . . reflect a fundamental decision about the exercise of official power–a reluctance to entrust plenary powers over the life and liberty of the citizen to one judge or to a group of judges. Fear of unchecked power . . . found expression in the criminal law in this insistence upon community participation in the determination of guilt or innocence.”48 – See more at:http://constitution.findlaw.com/amendment6/annotation04.html#sthash.2Wt7XyiO.dpuf

What our forefathers strove to prevent by creating this priceless amendment was carelessly trampled on by both Judge Albright who allowed the fiasco and encouraged the abuse, by Maury Hubbard III, who completely abandoned his code of ethics at the courthouse door, and to Sabrina Bailey, who allowed my husband to not recieve adequate counsel.

Looking at the false ICON charges:

The UN states that 30 days constitutes torture. He only feels fresh air or the sun once a week. He gets no extra food for a period of seventeen hours each day  as that is when they feed them supper, at 330 pm –  until 530 am the next morning, when they are served breakfast . They are not allowed to purchase any food as additional punishment, nor are they allowed to bathe daily, and cannot even purchase toothpaste. If they are allowed an hour of outside time once a week, they are lucky.

This clearly a breach of the 8th amendment, and something must be done to stop this treatment to an American born, formerly tax paying citizen (26%), who worked hard his entire life, living in North Carolina from age 7, having moved from Chicago.

I have an entire grievance, as well as a formal complaint discussing both issues in full- medical neglect and unconstitutionality of his isolation sentence, that will be emailed to you today, as soon as I transfer it from paper to computer.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

My husband created the mix that covered most of the good highway roads in Guilford and Alamance County, working for APAC, and building the plant on 421 with only a high school education. He is a very smart, hard working Mexican American citizen.

I will send this story to every newspaper, representative of legislature, and non profit I can find over the next week until someone listens. Please do not let an innocent man die from neglect and torture, as he will die there if someone doesn’t help us soon.

Thank you for taking the time to read this letter.

Rochelle Long, power of attorney for Daniel Palacios, opus #1248101

$12. for an ounce of coffee?!? (24 stamps)

coffee

Now, I am in here six months, SIX, and can’t buy toothpaste. Forget coffee.

I got the ICON version of canteen today, 2 boxes or 12 cough drops, 2 sets of ear

plugs, and 3 batteries, as well as 17 postage stamps. I ordered the stamps in

the hopes of trading for some coffee, as we certainly can’t buy that in seg! My ‘neighbor’ wants 24 stamps for one and a half ounces of instant coffee maker. That’s IF he fishes it to me. I will have to wait until he decides to do so. Here is a list of what inmates in ICON can ‘order’. Note: NO FOOD.

ointment   menthol   lozenges   antifungal cream   pimple lotion   Blistex Noxzema   ear plugs   batteries   shower shoes   Braun Razor   replacement blades   foils   a plastic watch (worth about $6. )for $9.17.

Oh stamps, and denture cream, which I will need if I am never going to be allowed to buy toothpaste..lolol…if we don’t laugh, we’ll drown in tears in here…

God, I hope my cousin was able to order that food package before I was sentenced with ICON. I just wish she would write me back to let me know what was going on with her. I need to get my family’s addresses and phone numbers because when they put me in here the guards took my address book and threw it away. Now I can’t get in touch with anyone. Not that I can call before February, but I could at least write some of my family members up north…trusting in God…He’s in control.

10-26-13

I have just lain around today, not wanting to move much. I took a shower and now feel better to try and write. Getting a bath every other day doesn’t help, but the swelling is very painful, even above the incision, and the area is very hard. I am still getting wheeled to and from, but the weighted handcuffs don’t help.

I still didn’t get my coffee after paying my stamps, so I better get it tonight.  I won’t have but one stamp left, so I want to get this out tomorrow, and then I ‘ll have to wait until Friday to buy more.

Oh, now my neighbor admits it was only 10 stamps for one and a half ounces of coffee grounds. It was 20 for the whole bag, so he gave me six stamps back.  Is this insane, or what?

Keep your eye on God’s will

10/25/13

relationships, injustice, solitude

Psalm 37:7-9
Be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait patiently for him to act. Don’t worry about evil people who prosper or fret about their wicked schemes. Stop being angry! Turn from your rage! Do not lose your temper—it only leads to harm. For the wicked will be destroyed, but those who trust in the Lord will possess the land.”

Don’t worry about me; well, maybe a little, but not enough to get anxious.

We need to stay focused on what will help us move forward. Moving forward

doesn’t mean forgetting – it just means we do better to work on what we are able to change now, and work on what we can’t when it looks like we can make a difference later. Our true goal is to get me out. But, your daily goal is to our family.

Just keep your eye on God’s will to occur in your life, as well as the children’s.

I don’t know where I’m going with this except that I don’t want you to be kept from your daily life.

I keep having these sharp pains in the incision. I guess it is healing, but I don’t remember pains like this from the last surgery at home. I don’t think the doctor did a very good job, but that could just be my opinion. I think this pain, and being in here so long now makes me confuse myself sometimes. Ideas, thoughts just flow right out of head, and I forget what I was doing or thinking…

They came by tonight and gave me another blanket, Thank you, Jesus; and I asked the CO if I could change my original for another, as you could see through the only one I had, so he did. Now, I will be a little warmer in here.

Praise God for such relief. It may be small to most reading this, but in here, where things are out of your control to care for yourself, the little things become even more important. I really wish I had those ear muffs you bought me for when I had to repair equipment in the winter. They always kept my head warm.

I’m just starting to feel my legs, and ate a peanut butter sandwich. I wish there was hot intstead of just cold, constant air blowing on me. I wish you were here with me to keep me warm. The low for tonight is the upper 20’s, and with no quilts or covers, even wearing two undershirts and a work shirt isn’t enough.

It is so cold behind concrete…

10/21/13

I am glad to hear that the Innocence Clinic is still working on my case, as it’s been almost a year since

prison, injustice, lost love, spirituality, hope

Inside these four walls, the sun doesn’t shine

you took them the files. Maybe they have more options to approach than the one in Raleigh, as there was no DNA at all to compare because I never did anything. Many states have had to go back and compare those on death row with past evidence, and many of these men are getting exonerated. Without any evidence, why am I even here to begin with, other than words of an angry woman pushing damaged children? Only God knows how long these things will take to come together, I just need to find a way to do God’s will.

I need to keep improving myself, and my communication skills so that I can speak more effectively about what needs to be done, as well as what is happening. I’ve asked God to give me the confidence to speak for Him, so I’m just waiting to be able to gain the ability to speak clearly and well. This pen is almost out of ink. I only had five pens, and I can’t buy any as I’m not allowed to use canteen until February. I hope they all hold out.

10/23/13

I was driven to an outside facility for a post-op check up and the doctor said I was healing fine and removed my staples. I do get to use the wheelchair in between at least, as I am hand/leg cuffed when walking about. The doctor said not to lift anything heavy, so I asked what was heavy to him. He said a gallon of milk…he said to be sure and not stretch my body much for the next six weeks. The only thing I’m lifting right now is myself, so I will do my best to be careful.

It was so great to be out and able to feel the sun; it was only for a few minutes, but nice, as I hadn’t been outside in a few weeks. Some of the small things, like just being outside and feeling the sun’s rays, is so important. Inside we can’t feel anything, and it is so cold behind concrete. Just to see God’s creations that the Sun helps to grow is not appreciated. It brings joy to so many people. We feel so sickly, hidden away from everyone. We ask ‘why’, but we must wait for God’s time, and accept that he is in control…but, I do miss it so much, the Sun.

I’ve been more hungry than usual, and I’m not working out. I did get your letter today, which was great, as well as the other two. I got the paper you ordered for about two weeks, and then I didn’t get it at all last week. Don’t know why.

 

 

Looking back, we were so funny together

10-20-13

Good morning,

I hope breakfast was good. I had rice cereal again, for the fourth day. And, oatmeal, but without

any sugar. Can’t make myself eat it. It brings back memories of how you used to get up with me at 3:30am,

even though you’d be tired and grouchy from that loud buzzer I had going off six days a week, just to fry me up an egg and cheese sandwich with toasted bread and mayo, or a BIG bowl of steel cut oats with butter, syrup, brown sugar, cinnamon, a little salt…umm….

I am re-reading “Quiet Strength” by Tony Dungy again. I don’t think I really appreciated it the first time when you first sent it to me two years ago. It’s much better this time around. I know that I wasn’t spiritually mature enough then, so I’m able to see better the truth of his story and begin to use it in my life. Once again, it starts with teaching your children about God, just as it explains in the bible. Also about the importance of education. Wish I had listened to you, and just started taking some college courses here and there over the years. I know it’s torture for you to go through all of my misspelled words, and I let someone in reg pop borrow my thesaurus so I can’t even check my spelling here, lol. Praise God that I can read! Some folks, even guys I worked with, don’t even have that gift. I wish i had done better in high school. Some support would’ve been great, so keep pushing our boys. Maybe one of them will go on to college. I hope so.

I wish I had been more aligned to your way of thinking; you tried, I was just so stubbortn and prideful to admit that I needed more education. Really, I was just afraid to try again. Never thought of myself as a college boy, and never had any faith in myself. I will do better once I get out.

I pray things are going well at home. Didn’t get any mail this week. I know you’re busy with school work and keeping up with the boys. It truly helps me more when I get your letters. But, I’ve not been myself this week working on healing. The pain meds don’t help much, either. I can’t stay focused. But, I can read Ok. After awhile, I get tired and go to sleep. Maybe next week will be better…

Yeah! The Panthers won 30-15. Now they are 3-3 for the season. It was an exciting game to listen to on the radio! You would have made all sorts of goodies to eat while watching me jump around and yell at the t.v. I would run around and find you after jumping off the couch and grab you, laughing, making you smack at me like flies…we were always so silly together, and I could never keep my hands off of you, making you squeal, and the boys would groan and complain when we would kiss in front of them…I

injustice, love, relationships, spirituality

I want so much to be back in your arms…

miss aggravating you so. Feeling your skin against mine. I  could really use your woman body right now. I miss looking at your beautiful face. It is so cold in this room. Even the walls feel cold today.

It must be apple season up on the mountain, I bet the fall apple sales are in full swing. Not sure anymore. Been back here in seg too long without t.v. to let me know what’s going on in the world. The new would tell us about the county events.

Looking back, we were so funny together. We always wanted to spend so much time together. It didn’t matter what we did, as long as we were together. I sure do miss our time together at night, when we would hold each other before sleeping. It was the one quiet time in the house.

I want so much to be back in your arms. Sometimes I feel them wrapped around me, squeezing me tight. I feel your love flowing through, with each letter; that’s why they are so important to me.

I don’t have much to say because things are getting stagnant behind these thick, cold walls…

I started to lose consciousness, but it’s like I was floating

Oct. 15, 2013

Dear Love,

I’ve had my surgery, and it went well.                                              prison, relationships, spiritualtiy

But, during recovery I had to pee. They wouldn’t let me sit on the toilet.

I’m in handcuffs with shackles on my legs, and it was very difficult as I’d just come out of the surgery.

I felt something running down my leg, and thought I’d had an accident because of the aesthetics,

but it was blood – in rivulets, and it wouldn’t stop…

just like that time ten years ago when I had the toncillectomy and we were in the ER,

and you had the baby in the carrier, and you just sat in the floor and starting to pray, holding CW in your arms, I guess he was not quite two then, and all of the doctors were dabbing swabs, nurses yelling, my blood won’t stop, and you’re there, eyes closed, praying for me. I felt you there.

I tried to sit down on the bed, but the chains wouldn’t let me reach far enough, so I had to scoot and lean back while the nurses kept yelling and pushing buttons, screaming for help, pushing all manner of cloths, sponges; whatever against the incision, working to get the flow to stop. I started to lose consciousness, but it’s like I was floating.

They were all in slow motion as I lay on the bed, and they called the ER doctor back, getting ready to wheel me back to the OR and see what happened,

and then it just stopped.

Just like before. They decided to keep me there overnight, just in case something else happened. My nurse was a man, and he took very good care of me, and then a woman, who was also nice. She stayed by me, assuring me that she was going to stay right there, over and over. The next day, they shipped me back to the prison. Compared to prison, the hospital food was so good, and I can’t even imagine any more what your food tastes like, it’s been so long since I’ve had anything home made.

But, know that I am fine, and the Lord sent good people to take care of me in the surgery. They said that if that episode had happened at the prison, it would not have turned out so well because of now being in seg. It reminded me of mom being in and out of the hospitals so many times, and how she had to suffer all of that alone because I was in here. I knew Jesus had been with her, and also with me, as He has been so many other times in my life. I just never gave the praise to God for getting me out of so many fixes.

Anyway, I got wheeled up to the medical unit here at the prison, and everyone here knew what had happened to me. R is a big man, and a good guard, with common sense. He allowed me to get three pillows for some small comfort, as well as an extra sleeping mat. I couldn’t get a handicap cell, but I did get an ice pack, thank God, for the swelling. They thought the hernia was going to be about and inch long, but it ended up being more than 5. I had let it go too long because we had talked about not letting anyone cut on me here, but I just couldn’t go any longer with it hurting like it did.

My bed is as high as my hip, so it is very hard to manuever, and there are no handles anywhere to help me get up, and the toilet is very low. It hurts real bad, but I am making do. I am getting some pain meds, but they wear out every four hours. I can’t get in the bed, I have to step on top of two lunch trays, and I’m afraid I might fall. Then what?

They will be very slow to come in here, so I must be very careful. I need to sleep, I’ve been up over one day, but there is no way to get rest like this in here.

I’ll be alright. You know me. I sure do miss all of that attention you used to give me, and I’ve always whined when it comes down to pain. I love you, and I’ll be OK….

I don’t know how long I’ll be away…

10/8/13

Dear Shel,

I haven’t been writing much as I’m working to clear my mind from

spirituality, faith, God, hope, solitary

Palden Gyatso was born in a Tibetan village in 1933 and became an ordained Buddhist monk at 18…and spent the next 25 years of his life enduring interrogation and torture simply for the strength of his beliefs.

all of the worry surounding my impending ICON, which is worse than the segregationwhere I am currently. I’ve never had a write up before, so now they want to observe mefor 90 days.There have been many put here lately, given ‘A’ charges, and they don’t even know why they received it. The CO came to tell me that they’ve decided to let Raleigh decide about my ICON time at some point next week. They did this so they would’nt be responsible, and can also add on additional time to my punishment. So, I will go before the Directors’ Board and possibly get a harsher punishment. God is in control, so I do my best not to worry.

I have A’s pictures that he used to draw. I have also held onto the the three letters N wrote while he was in the behavorial ‘prison’. I keep them in my bible now that they are almost falling apart.

I got your book today. I’ve already read two chapters, and have cried three times, and he hasn’t even talked about being in prison yet. His family was so loving and supportive. I find it very interesting.

10-9-13

Your visit was wonderful. You need not to worry so much about me. God is with me. Even though the cuffs hurt, it was worth it to see your pretty face. Your standing up for me helps so much, also. I hope things we were able to talk about will help you through out the next week. Just as yours help me.

Getting the local newspaper has helped so much. I get them around 2 pm, so I read

for a little while, then I exercise. I can’t thank you enough.

10/12/13

This is such a great book. I thank God for the blessings I had ignored, thinking we had just a common, boring life. I live as  a king compared to how these people in Tibet were persecuted. It is sad to read how people were tortured and destroyed, when life is so invaluable. I have been complaining about such petty things. The book has also opened my eyes to what is happening in this prison; that, even though it is a miserable and sad fate, it is nothing compared to what is happening in other countries. I do see, however, that our country is heading down the same path. The American way of life is corroding right in front of our eyes. I stayed up until 11:30 the other night, standing in my doorway to catch some of the main room’s light, just so I could keep reading into Chapter 7. Our lights get cut out at 10, but I didn’t want to stop. I am now on Chapter 10, and it flows so well that it is hard to put down.

I’ve never read a book this easily before. I usually bet bored and start nodding off, but not with this book.

It’s funny, because it cost you more to send the book than it did to buy the book, itself.

10-13-13

I finished the book this morning. thanks for such a great book. It was something that I needed so I could understand my suffering better, and to see that it could be worse. If the monks and other innocent people can endure all of that horrible stuff, then my time should be a stroll in the park. I do see how our treatment here involves some of the same tactics, but not quite as extreme.

I signed the form to go to surgery yesterday, so I should go by Wed or before. I don’t know how long I’ll be away, but it shouldn’t be long. I was 28 when I had the first hernia surgery. Damn, that seems so long ago, now doesn’t it? To be honest, I don’t feel that old. Having lost so much fat now, I feel much better than in years past. I actually feel younger than 28 now.

It’s 3 pm now, and they told me not to eat or drink anything after 12 am because of a procedure. So, I’ll get this out today so you will know. Don’t worry, I’ll be just fine. Know that I love you very much. Not sure if they are going to keep me long, maybe a few days? I won’t be able to get up or get my food the first few days. I remember how hard it was before to move and get up. Jesus is by my side now, and I feel protected, and I feel you near me, too!

I love you and the boys very much…

My Mexican Bull

Two years, nine months, 9 days

since they sent your trial clothes home in a box.

I didn’t know what it was, taped up and from Central Prison,

the worst hellhole in North Carolina.

I was by myself, thank God, for when I tore through the tape, and saw;

remembered what these were, I howled like a wolf

sadwolf

that has just seen its mate torn limb from limb by hunters who only killed for the pelt.

I smelled the fear in your dress shirt, stained with sweat from the trial.

How we waited for hours, the third day in, and the judge brought them all in

and screamed at those old people like they were bad children.

Tonight I sigh deeply, two years and nine months later, for I can’t remember the last time we made love.

I am ashamed by this, because I used to love it so, waiting all hours for you to come home so I could undress you,

rub your head, shoulders, back and arms with almond oil, tell you about all the things the kids tore up or

who beat up who, while your plate was heating in the microwave.

You say you are even stronger now, and I can feel it when you squeeze me tight in visits.

A man who could lift a two hundred pound auger, or a sheet of steel, climb a five story silo, running up the steps all the way, and smoked a pack a day.

How many men could do this?

I don’t know how you never hurt me, but you never really did.

You could make me want to black out, see stars, it was so intense, our connection, man and wife.

Throwing people away is an epidemic

Dear Chicano,

I want to send you this information, but I know you won’t be allowed to read it. As I don’t want to forget to tell you about it, I am posting it here,

From a wordpress site, Solitarywatch.com

here is a reply I made on your behalf, after reading parts of an atrocious account of one inmate who was violent, yes, but has been kept in isolation for over 10,000 days. I am beginning to  see the potential purpose of your own  situation, and why we have to suffer, yet keep fighting.

Your comment is awaiting moderation.

@8forever, is this your blog? I am looking for whomever is ‘in charge’ of this movement. There is so much hatred, confusion, misinformation, closed hearts, and lack of overall knowledge from many of the commentators here that it makes me just wish to give up hope of ever getting out.
However, I refuse to give up.
As an innocent man, incarcerated on false charges with no evidence, racially profiled, not even allowed a forensic expert to testify on my behalf, a jury that was harassed into 13 unanimous charges of guilty or told they couldn’t go home, threatening to throw my wife in jail if she testified because she had all of the records of years of therapy for my kids from a previous marriage and had kept records over a decade of all the things my ex-wife subjected my kids to,
I want to know WHO do we ask for help? I see anger and name calling, etc. but how do make a difference? I mean, for everybody?
We look and look, and these horrible stories fall on deaf ears for change!
Someone says write to BOP, so what can we say that will bring reform?
Someone says call the Judge Brimmer’s office.and do what?

I am soon to be locked up in ICON now because me and some guys were burning up in a unit where the a-c went out. I didn’t murder anyone. We dared to complain that we could barely breathe after several days with no moving air.

The bottom line here is that this is America. All of us in these prisons are American. We should be allowed constitutional rights, among which is to be heard by an objective peer group. There is no oversight committee in the prisons. No one is allowed inside to see anyone’s conditions. That is why there is no reform; the government does not want reform.

If there were some way to get together with all of the people on this extensive site who wanted true justice, the word could get out, people would outcry, and change could be made, for the good of all people involved. How many white men out there ever have a jury that is ALL none white? Hhmmm, yet how many hispanics even get one hispanic on their jury? I didn’t even know I had the right to ask for some Hispanics to be on the panel!!! And I was born and raised in America.

Can someone tell me , please, who does my wife contact, write to, complain to on behalf of me and the other men in NC? Is it someone on a federal level? And, how do create a grass roots movement for liberty and justice for all?
Thanks.

t. I will post our story everywhere I can, in the hopes that I can luck up and learn how to make a difference for all injustice issues in the prison.