It was so great to get a card from you today. The letters from the boys were great!
I really need to hear from you and the boys. I so miss their personalities; being apart has brought much sadness to my soul. They have helped me to grow and I hate I had to be apart from everyone to understand this!
The Chaplain came to see me, and he couldn’t believe how long I would be in here. He seemed very concerned. Jesus i with me, so I will just do the best I can with it all. I’ve learned so much about how closed off I’ve become with people, even in my Christian fellowship. I’m now ready to embrace each person without shame, as God taught us to do; to have faith in God.
Your visit was just what I needed, even with so many distractions around us. You were able to communicate what you wanted. Your love means so much to me, especially in isolation. I thought it was bad in population; not even close. My wound really started to hurt after you left. began to burn and ache deep inside. It still hurts even now, at 10 p.m. It fills my heart to know just how much love you send me each day. Thank you so much!
When doing all of the grievances and writing, just do it as you are able. I think you are doing too much. And, it will burn you out. So, pace yourself and allow God to create the timing. Let the words flow like the living water of Jesus; to push things will only bring frustration. You’re doing a great job, so please know that I appreciate it very much!
I’ve put in a sick call for vitamins and fish oil, as I can no longer buy them.
I’ve got to stop all of the negative thinking. It’s hard to stay positive with so much that is ugly around you. The negative vibes never stop coming. You can only ignore so much. I got my wallet today, three weeks later, and she didn’t order my package until 10/24, so most likely I won’t be allowed to get it.
I didn’t write any yesterday, as I was all out of whack. The operation site seems to hurt more and more every night. During the day it doesn’t hurt as badly. I did get all of my newspapers this week. I’m reading everything you send, trying to learn as much as I can. I would love to take some English courses for grammar; as my spelling sucks! lol…
Last night it hurt so bad inside that it felt like something was being pulled out of me. But it didn’t hurt today. The pain comes and goes and it doesn’t make sense.
You really seem to have a clearer idea of how you want to proceed. Something has changed in you; there is so much confidence! You are evolving, and I love you so much! I know I was angry alot in our marriage. Hell, most of the time, I didn’t know why…I didn’t feel appreciated, I guess, like I had to do everything or it wouldn’t get done. But, you were having a hard time with your condition (Asperger’s) handling all of the things that were being thrown at you. You needed a man to support you as the head of the house, and I often acted as a child. You needed a man to help you with what you were going through, one to stand by you, working together to solve the household problems. You deserved better of me and some days I did better, but others were bad.
We both had to learn on the go, and I never had a good role model. I knew I wanted to do better than my family had done. But, to be honest, I don’t think I did a very good job. I tried to hard to give my family a better life, as poverty isn’t a great place. We were trying so hard, I believe we forgot where we came from. Now, we are both in poverty. I believe we both had to go back to this situation to better understand how just how hard it was for our parents to make ends meet. Until we can feel and understand that again, and learn to make due with what we have, and make it last, we won’t receive more.
So, work with what you have, thanking God for it, and He will give us more as we learn to handle these trials. I can see this working even now, more clearly in your life. Continue asking for guidance and follow His direction. Things are improving in God’s time, not ours…