It’s been two years since I’ve had a piece of chicken…

1/1/14

Lunch today surprised me so much – chicken thigh with the bone in! I haven’t had a real piece of meat in two years! Praise God! We also had apple pie, greens, white rice with gravy and cornbread. The chicken is so great! I saved the leg to eat tonight with my eggs and toast. I saved the apple pie to eat later with my milk.

 I can't believe how much I miss fried chicken, or just real meat...

I can’t believe how much I miss fried chicken, or just real meat…

I pray we go outside tomorrow. I truly need some fresh air, and more space to move around.
In this new room  I only have about 30 or 40 square feet to move around in.

This is for 23 hours a day for five days straight, but as it is too cold for the outside rec with no coats, I am usually in this tiny space for 24 hours for eight to ten days at a time; sometimes longer. I think it has been almost two weeks since it was warm enough to try to go outside.

I’m going to ask for another pair of pants tonight. I’ve had the same pair for two weeks now. They let us change out once a week on Wednesdays, but I don’t want to switch them out until I have to. I was such a proud man and hard on everyone. Yes, your love was always there. Thank God He put you in my life. God has a purpose for all this suffering, Rochelle. We just need to wait patiently for God. This process is all part of God’s plan.

1/2/14
Your visit was so great; I have missed the boys so. They are growing so fast! You looked very happy.
Did I tell you that dad sent me a Christmas card? Everyone in the pictures looked so great. You have been doing such a good job of raising our boys on your own. God has been guiding you well.

1/3/14
I got all the information from the transcripts you requested, and got it ready and sent it on to the lawyer. I also noticed that during the past week, the lights have been staying off in the mornings until 6:00 a.m. with breakfast being served after that. God is so great! Your grievances is being used by God as a way to make change. We have also been served a little more at our meals.

I’ve been reviewing your complaint to CPS, and you’ve covered most everything. You have such a goo memory, there were just a few errors in time, but it’s so hard when we can’t talk on the phone or even face to face, just through glass. I know it is hard to remember things and then run to the car and write them down, or write questions to me on your arm before you come in to visit; and then the visits are only once or twice a month. There’s so much against us, I don’t see how you get anything done.

I’m wrapped up in four sheets and three waffle blankets. If we could have a quilt or cover it would make a big difference. The cement is so cold when it’s cold outside. We still do not have warm air through the vents.

They just threw my grievance back in my cell from the charge on 12/13, saying that they would refund the cost of this med call. But, only one follow up is allowed per fourteen days of a visit. Well, my first sick call was in July, and the others were due to the lack of care post-op.

I got my shower a little while ago and traded for some more coffee. I feel a little warmer, and can try again to write my story to CPS. It is harder to do than I thought it would be, to relive all of the injustice that happened to our family.

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I started to lose consciousness, but it’s like I was floating

Oct. 15, 2013

Dear Love,

I’ve had my surgery, and it went well.                                              prison, relationships, spiritualtiy

But, during recovery I had to pee. They wouldn’t let me sit on the toilet.

I’m in handcuffs with shackles on my legs, and it was very difficult as I’d just come out of the surgery.

I felt something running down my leg, and thought I’d had an accident because of the aesthetics,

but it was blood – in rivulets, and it wouldn’t stop…

just like that time ten years ago when I had the toncillectomy and we were in the ER,

and you had the baby in the carrier, and you just sat in the floor and starting to pray, holding CW in your arms, I guess he was not quite two then, and all of the doctors were dabbing swabs, nurses yelling, my blood won’t stop, and you’re there, eyes closed, praying for me. I felt you there.

I tried to sit down on the bed, but the chains wouldn’t let me reach far enough, so I had to scoot and lean back while the nurses kept yelling and pushing buttons, screaming for help, pushing all manner of cloths, sponges; whatever against the incision, working to get the flow to stop. I started to lose consciousness, but it’s like I was floating.

They were all in slow motion as I lay on the bed, and they called the ER doctor back, getting ready to wheel me back to the OR and see what happened,

and then it just stopped.

Just like before. They decided to keep me there overnight, just in case something else happened. My nurse was a man, and he took very good care of me, and then a woman, who was also nice. She stayed by me, assuring me that she was going to stay right there, over and over. The next day, they shipped me back to the prison. Compared to prison, the hospital food was so good, and I can’t even imagine any more what your food tastes like, it’s been so long since I’ve had anything home made.

But, know that I am fine, and the Lord sent good people to take care of me in the surgery. They said that if that episode had happened at the prison, it would not have turned out so well because of now being in seg. It reminded me of mom being in and out of the hospitals so many times, and how she had to suffer all of that alone because I was in here. I knew Jesus had been with her, and also with me, as He has been so many other times in my life. I just never gave the praise to God for getting me out of so many fixes.

Anyway, I got wheeled up to the medical unit here at the prison, and everyone here knew what had happened to me. R is a big man, and a good guard, with common sense. He allowed me to get three pillows for some small comfort, as well as an extra sleeping mat. I couldn’t get a handicap cell, but I did get an ice pack, thank God, for the swelling. They thought the hernia was going to be about and inch long, but it ended up being more than 5. I had let it go too long because we had talked about not letting anyone cut on me here, but I just couldn’t go any longer with it hurting like it did.

My bed is as high as my hip, so it is very hard to manuever, and there are no handles anywhere to help me get up, and the toilet is very low. It hurts real bad, but I am making do. I am getting some pain meds, but they wear out every four hours. I can’t get in the bed, I have to step on top of two lunch trays, and I’m afraid I might fall. Then what?

They will be very slow to come in here, so I must be very careful. I need to sleep, I’ve been up over one day, but there is no way to get rest like this in here.

I’ll be alright. You know me. I sure do miss all of that attention you used to give me, and I’ve always whined when it comes down to pain. I love you, and I’ll be OK….