part 6, end of complaint against Greensboro Assistant DA, injustice in North Carolina

………end of 16 p. Formal Complaint against Assistant DA Hubbard to the NC Bar, asking for appropriate relief from wrongful imprisonment…

p. 567 9-10 “Well, I contend to you that you can believe Veronica.”  Finch v. United States, 867 A.2d 222,227 (D.C. 2005) (Improper for prosecutor to express evident opinion that government witness’ testimony had been incredibly straightforward.”) Diaz v. United States, 716 A.2d 173, 180 (D.C. 1997) (Improper for prosecutor to misstate the record by implying that defendant lied) p. 567 21-25 And I contend to you that if you apply those tests to the testimony of Veronica Palacios that you heard from the witness stand, that you won’t have any doubt that she is telling you the truth and that she is absolutely credible.” p.568 lines 1-4 In fact, the only question —— the only question that matters in this case is do you believe Veronica? If you do, then clearly the defendant is guilty of all these crimes. p. 570, lines 17-25       But, again, you know, she —— she —— at this interview she  wasn’t out to make herself look good or make herself look perfect or anything else. She was obviously out to tell the truth. And that’s what she was doing. And now, you know, because they have so little to —— to hang their hat  on —— MS. BAILEY: Objection. MR. HUBBARD: —— the defense is saying ——THE COURT: Overruled.

Powell v. United States, 455 A.2d 13, 16 (D.C. 1982) (“It is for the jury, not the counsel, to decide whether a witness is telling the truth. An attorney may not divert jurors from this task by injecting his personal evaluation as to a witness’ veracity…The prosecutor may not publically cast his vote.”) Dyson v. United States, 418 A.2d 127, 130 (D.C. 1980) (en banc) (Reversible error where porsecutor characterized dense testimony as “falsehood”, argued that there was “not a grain of truth in this defense” and asserted that the defense witnesses had “lied”) W

p.571, lines 1-3  Hubbard: – the defense is saying, Oh, well…cut it off, don’t watch the rest of it, don’t want to put it in context.”  Making untoward comments about assuming what the defense is saying. p. 571 Lines 8-25,  Imagine the most personal or embarrassing or hurtful moment of your life, whatever that might be, and then imagine – and it’s probably – hopefully for none of you that moment is that for four and a half years you were abused by – sexually abused by your father. But, in any event, imagine whatever that moment might be, and the imagine you were a fifteen-year-old girl, as she is now. And some of y’all have children and know…And imagine you had to go in and sit up here in this witness stand…But imagine you had to sit up here and look out at your family… p.572 lines1-6 But she did an admirable, commendable job of remaining quiet and respectful and cogently and intelligently telling you all these hurtful and embarrassing and terrible things that she suffered at the hands of one of the people who should have loved her most. He should have protected her from people like him.

Morris v. United States, 564 A.2d 746 (D.C. 1989) (Improper for prosecutor to invite jurors to imagine conversations between co-defendants)

ABA Standards for Criminal Justice, Standard 3-5.8 (a). (“the prosecutor should not intentionally misstate evidence or mislead jury as to the inferences it may draw.”) -taken from www.tdcaa.com/node/5266 A prosecuting attorney, though free to strike hard blows, is not at liberty to strike foul ones, either directly or indirectly … 21 This was improper because it was simply “a plea for abandonment of objectivity” rather than any legal basis for punishment. “Place yourselves in the shoes of the victim … How would you feel? What would you want?”22 Again, this is improper because it invites the jury to assess punishment based on a sense of vengeance rather than the facts and the law. p. 572 Lines 14-18 She did commendably well in telling you the truth about what happened to her. She has no reason to lie despite what Ms. Bailey said.

p.573 1-3 She didn’t do this because she wanted to get out of the house. She did it because she wanted the abuse to stop. She wanted her father not to be able to come in and have sex with her whenever he felt like it.

p. 574 –lines7-11 The only thing that this child had to gain from coming forward – well, a couple of things, for the pain and the abuse to stop and maybe hopefully to see a little bit of justice, to see that somebody does care enough to tell him that it’s not okay. In order to establish plain error, West must show that any error in giving the transferred intent instruction was “obvious or readily apparent, and that it was so clearly prejudicial  [*7]  to [his] substantial rights as to jeopardize the very fairness and integrity of the trial.” Id. (quoting Harris v. United States, 602 A.2d 154, 159 & n.6 (D.C. 1992) (en banc) (citations omitted)). Aralles with  8th Amendment NC & US Constitution   8th Amendment NC & US Constitution   Article 26 – Bail.  Northern California Innocence Project brought a state habeas petition, which was granted on the basis of the cumulative harm done by egregious prosecutorial misconduct.

……..

Where is the justice here?

January 2012 Complaint to the NC Bar, p.2 unresolved in 2014

2008 – Veronica was having a great deal of trouble with authority figures at Eastern Guilford Middle. We encouraged her to go to the school counselor and even got special permission for her to be able to leave class to speak to them because she was having issues with bullying, as well as abusive actions by her math teacher. We went to several meetings to advocate for her and to help with her defiance and refusing to cooperate. We also had two incidents of a math teacher abusing her by not only making fun of her in class, but making her stand at the front of the class holding a penny in each hand for over twenty minutes for not doing her classwork, so we got her removed from that classroom to a different teacher. I have always gotten off of work to participate in IEP and other meetings for her. These records of meetings and my attendance could have been subpoenaed, again to help establish my authenticity as a caring parent, and to establish past patterns of the main witness.

2007-2009 Various doctor’s records to show where she had female pediatricians and had been examined by one in PA after staring menarche and in yearly follow-up check ups

Also because of now two erroneous news articles involving my case, it will be close to impossible to find old friends or other family members who would even have the money to put up the necessary collateral, and I will have to sit even longer unlawfully imprisoned.

II. Candor Toward the Tribunal
a. 1. As my wife mentioned in her grievance, James, Judy, Haley and Haley’s mom Shelley gave her permission to come inside the Crawford house and speak to Haley and her grandparents about what they knew Veronica had said. In the investigative notes, Shelley mentions she knew that my wife had spoken to Haley, although some of the wording was not true, as James and Judy were in the kitchen with Haley. James then proceeded to get on the stand and to deny that my wife had come in his house. Although Mr. Hubbard obvious wanted this testimony for his own gain, it would have been an important part of the presentation of material fact, especially if he had pursued his line of questioning to get James to admit that my wife had been welcomed in the home to speak with them. My wife had no idea the family knew for over a year that Veronica was making allegations, and was stunned to find out in a conversation with James that they had never been concerned over Veronica’s allegations. She was known to tell exaggerated stories.

2. In the investigative notes, Marcel Edwards, the CPS worker, noted that the parents kept talking about actions the children would do to get to go live with their mother, and how they had tried to get us trouble in the past by making false accusations, (see document 1). We also disclosed to Ms. Edwards that we had concerns about Daniel Jr. sexually abusing Veronica, as well as the possibility that Veronica had been molested by Carolyn’s former boyfriend, David Laughlin (her mother). We also relayed a story where my wife Rochelle had taken Veronica, Daniel and Nicholas to private swimming lessons one year. Veronica got a bruise on her leg while learning to dive, yet her mother drug her down to the Randleman Sheriff’s Department and coerced Veronica to falsely state that my wife had beat her with a belt. The intake person dismissed it, noting that it was not consistent with a belt mark. Veronica held that in for over six months, and then called in tears because she wanted to tell my wife she was sorry for doing that. Mr. Hubbard would have been aware of these notes, yet did nothing in the pursuit of justice to see what past issues there could have been, and the potential of an alternative suspect.

We told Ms. Edwards that there were signs that Veronica was being sexually abused from as early on as two years old. I had a past girlfriend, Shann Long, who could testify to what she noticed about Veronica when she was still in diapers. My wife, Rochelle also disclosed that she had caught Daniel Jr. acting out sexually on Veronica in the closet when she was seven and he was nine, and that’s why we started therapy in 2002. Our information was more or less discarded.

III. Rule 3.8 Special Responsibilities of a Prosecutor
Comment

[1] A prosecutor has the responsibility of a minister of justice and not simply that of an advocate; the prosecutor’s duty is to seek justice, not merely to convict. This responsibility carries with it specific obligations to see that the defendant is accorded procedural justice and that guilt is decided upon the basis of sufficient evidence… A systematic abuse of prosecutorial discretion could constitute a violation of Rule 8.4.
[2…; the prosecutor should make timely disclosure to the defense of available evidence known to him or her that tends to negate the guilt of the accused, mitigate the degree of the offense, or reduce the punishment. Further, a prosecutor should not intentionally avoid pursuit of evidence merely because he or she believes it will damage the prosecutor’s case or aid the accused.

a. Responsibility of a minister of justice – I was told during one of my consultations with the defense attorney, Sabrina Bailey, that Mr. Hubbard had intentions to attempt to prosecute my wife if she testified on my behalf. As you can see from the large list above, my wife could corroborate my alibi, as well as create a pretty strong case for my innocence. She could also create a pattern of past issues that Veronica had which would establish strong issues as to the credibility to Veronica’s testimony.

b. Intentionally avoiding pursuit of evidence was seen, when I was on the stand, Sabrina was giving me a chance to speak about my wife’s disability and our sons – all of whom have Asperger’s. (this documentation was provided in my wife’s grievance) Not only would this be crucial to creating a place for my wife to be able to testify by clarifying the one statement she made that Mr. Hubbard was holding over our heads, but it help the tribunal to have better understanding of the dynamic of our home, and the complications that we faced. He objected to my giving any information, and then waved away the defense’s attempt to bring pertinent information to the jury, especially as one juror worked with autistic people.

A prosecutor should not intentionally avoid pursuit of evidence… yet Mr. Hubbard does just that by threatening my wife to keep her from testifying. He is also obstructing justice by interfering with my right to an unbiased jury because my wife would have released pertinent information to not only establish alibi, but present to the Court and Tribunal. This also furthers the issue of respect to third parties, as she received no such respect.
IV. Rule 4.1 Truthfulness in Statements to Others
In the course of representing a client a lawyer shall not knowingly make a false statement of material fact or law to a third person.
Comment

Misrepresentation

[1] A lawyer is required to be truthful when dealing with others on a client’s behalf, but generally has no affirmative duty to inform an opposing party of relevant facts. A misrepresentation can occur if the lawyer incorporates or affirms a statement of another person that the lawyer knows is false. Misrepresentations can also occur by partially true but misleading statements or omissions that are the equivalent of affirmative false statements. For dishonest conduct that does not amount to a false statement or for misrepresentations by a lawyer other than in the course of representing a client, see Rule 8.4.

Statements of Fact

[2] This Rule refers to statements of fact. Whether a particular statement should be regarded as one of fact can depend on the circumstances. Under generally accepted conventions in negotiation, certain types of statements ordinarily are not taken as statements of material fact. Estimates of price or value placed on the subject of a transaction and a party’s intentions as to an acceptable settlement of a claim are ordinarily in this category, and so is the existence of an undisclosed principal except where nondisclosure of the principal would constitute fraud. Lawyers should be mindful of their obligations under applicable law to avoid criminal and tortuous misrepresentation.
However, Mr. Hubbard states over and over in terms of the allegations as being true, and to the honesty, credibility and straight-forwardness of the main witness. Not only is he misrepresenting me as already being a criminal (See p.549 of Mr. Hubbard’s closing argument, document 14), he covers up the differences found in the variety of testimony Veronica gives in different situations by stating on p. 567(see document 2),
Lines 20-25 And I contend to you that if you apply those tests to the testimony of Veronica Palacios that you heard from that witness stand, that you won’t have any doubt that she is telling you the truth and that she is absolutely credible.
p. 575 Lines 2-3 Her trial testimony, I contend to you, is remarkably consistent with her statements.
(caselaw is mentioned later)
But, if one looks at Veronica’s testimony, it becomes obviously just how much changes between investigative reports, and also changes within minutes of the earlier testimony before it when she is on the stand.
Note the discrepancies in her testimony. See document 3:
She said she was putting away her clothes when her father approached her from behind and…
Document 4:
Para. 4 Veronica said the sexual intercourse occurred either in her bedroom or Mr. Palacios’ bedroom, and also a (sic) on a couple of occasions in her brother’s bedroom. All three bedrooms are on the upper level of the home. (She later testifies that some of the bedrooms are downstairs and there is a fourth bedroom because my mother lives with us during most of the time she has made the allegations in North Carolina.)
Para. 8 Veronica said she could not give an exact number of times her father sexually abused her while in
North Carolina, but said it was sometimes as often as two or three times a week, then sometimes would not occur for a few weeks.
Document 5:
Lines 1-2 And where would it happen? In either in my room or in his room.
Lines 14-16 It was maybe every other day, maybe it was every day one right after another, or it would have been a week in between.
Document 6:
Lines 19-25 Would any of them be around when this was going on? No sir. Do you know where your step-mother was when this would happen – this would happen? No, sir.
Document 7:
Lines 23-25 It – he would come in my room sometimes at night or during the day. It depended on who was in the house or if he had the chance to, I guess…
Document 8:
Lines 7-9 He would come in my room during the day, at night, or whenever and he would take off my clothes…
Document 9:
Lines 2-3 He would – he would come in my room at night and during the day if – sometimes if my stepmom wasn’t there or if she was outside with the boys or in the backyard
Document 10:
Lines 4-6 And sometimes he would catch me off guard and I would be by myself and he would just – he would come-he would come towards me.
Lines 15-17 And he would come over to the bed and he would start – if I was asleep – it – it mostly occurred when I was asleep.
Now, under duress and the stress of keeping up with her variances she says something completely new.

Document 11:
Lines 9-11 How often did-did these events happen? They would happen maybe once a week, twice, I mean, every other day, every day. It varied.
Lines 12-14 And did that continue – you said it started how long after you moved back to Greensboro? Maybe a month, a month and a half.
Yet, she told Ms. Edwards the first time was maybe seven or eight months after the move to Greensboro.

Mr. Hubbard, in his desperation to cover up Veronica’s mistakes, creates statements of fact in his closing over the entirety of Document 12, the crux of which is stated on lines 14-19:
I mean, she can say, well, he had…but it happened sometime. It happened, you know, once-once in a week, sometimes it happened two days in a row, sometimes it, you know, went for a while and then it happened several times. It varied, she said. Again, he had the control, he had the access.
Again, he gives the pretense of stating fact.

Looking at Document 13,we see Kristal’s view:
Kristal said she spent the night with Veronica for the first time in November 2008 when she told her of the sexual abuse. Veronica told Kristal that her father would come in her bedroom when her mother was gone or asleep and make her do it…Kristal said Veronica told her the assaults happened almost every week, and usually occurred in her bedroom.

This will further be evidenced below in the discussion involving how Mr. Hubbard is leading the various witnesses’ testimony. He interrupts, manipulates and controls the testimony to the point that he takes over most of what is said on the stand, and puts himself in the role of witness, speaking at some points in the first person, which will be discussed specifically further down.
V. Rule 4.4 Respect for Rights of Third Persons
(a) In representing a client, a lawyer shall not use means that have no substantial purpose other than to embarrass, delay, or burden a third person, or use methods of obtaining evidence that violate the legal rights of such a person.

Comment

[1] Responsibility to a client requires a lawyer to subordinate the interests of others to those of the client, but that responsibility does not imply that a lawyer may disregard the rights of third persons. It is impractical to catalogue all such rights, but they include legal restrictions on methods of obtaining evidence from third persons and unwarranted intrusions into privileged relationships, such as the client-lawyer relationship.

VI. Rule 8.4 Misconduct
It is professional misconduct for a lawyer to:

Comment

[1] Lawyers are subject to discipline when they violate or attempt to violate the Rules of Professional Conduct, knowingly assist or induce another to do so or do so through the acts of another, as when they request or instruct an agent to do so on the lawyer’s behalf.

[2] … Offenses involving violence, dishonesty, breach of trust, or serious interference with the administration of justice are in that category.

A pattern of repeated offenses, even ones of minor significance when considered separately, can indicate indifference to legal obligation.
[3] For this reason, to establish a violation of paragraph (b), the burden of proof is the same as for any other violation of the Rules of Professional Conduct: it must be shown by clear, cogent, and convincing evidence that the lawyer committed a criminal act that reflects adversely on the lawyer’s honesty
…………to be continued………

Response from North Carolina Senator Trudy Wade’s Office, district 27, Guilford County

From: Sen. Trudy Wade Sent: ‎Monday‎, ‎December‎ ‎30‎, ‎2013 ‎10‎:‎01‎ ‎AM To: thecreatordeems@gmail.com

 12/30/13

 

Good Morning Rochelle,
We have reached out to the Governor’s Clemency Office regarding your grievances. They have forwarded a copy of your email to the Division of Prisons regarding your husband’s medical condition. We also brought this to the attention of the Sheriff’s Dept. and they have researched this matter.
The Clemency Office reports that  since the Innocence Clinic at Duke is looking into your husband’s case, you cannot open a request for clemency until that matter has been resolved.  The Duke Clinic has an record excellent of getting wrongful convictions brought back into court or before the Innocence Commission.
Please let us know if we can be of further assistance.
Kind Regards,
Kathy Kathy Hartsell Legislative Assistant Office of Senator Trudy Wade District 27 – Guilford County

Ready to take a stand against CPS in North Carolina

Hello, all.
Rochelle here.
I would like to give you an update on where I stand on this.
There is deep anger inside of me at being failed by a system sworn to protect its citizens, where people are supposed to be innocent until proven guilty, and where there is liberty and justice for all. That is far from the truth, and it is happening right under your noses.
Because of my strong faith in a loving God, and an understanding of the purpose of suffering in the lives of humans, I continue on.

After one year of extreme suffering over the loss of my family, my step-children, the trauma induced on my own two children, and the destruction of both my and my husband’s good name, Daniel and I discussed a divorce, for many reasons relating to his more or less life sentencing. After five months of further deliberations and much sadness, we wrote it up through the prison system. That did not change my love for him, it actually has strengthened it, as I have had to deal with so many struggles and pain from being abandoned as a single mom with no income or way to survive after what happened. I learned to rely on God, and had to go through the many stages of grief. As my sons come to terms with the abuse by their step-siblings, and the family’s destruction, they are also having to deal with their own loss of self, as my oldest step son abused him as he had been abused at his mother’s home, and we are not sure yet who all was involved in this sad atrocity.

We were not perfect, but we gave everything we had to raising these children, even with all of the trauma and abuse they came into my home with, and then perpetrated on my own children, as well as the manipulation and trauma and abuse I received from them. I understand suffering much better now, and can love these children who are now young adults, in a much more profound way, tempered by love of an unconditional God and through decades of work as a medicine woman, healer, and in working with the abused.

These past four years since the allegations started have been the most crucial, however. I must admit that the suffering, anguish, loss and poor treatment by professional men and women in many arenas, such as car repair, as landlords, teachers, mental hospital workers for my younger son, the prison officials and guards,  the lawyers both for the defense and the state has taught me a great deal. I have become more calm, patient, understanding, gentle and soft spoken.  I am MUCH more aware of the pain of others than I even thought I was capable of as an empath, and I have a much better understanding of how being an adult with autism, Asperger’s  – deeply affects how I view people and the world. I am much more compassionate towards my own boys with autism’s needs, and work harder than ever to be affectionate, aware and an active listener. When they destroy my things, hit me or cry out, “How can you tell me to love them after what they’ve done to us?” I cry and tell them they must understand that someone did these things to them, as well. Understanding a wrong does make it go away, just a little easier to carry through this life.

The biggest gift that I can share with the world is now being free from fear.

I no longer fear the lawyer with the $100k salary who threatened two already frightened and exhausted parents with the world against them. Nor do I fear the CPS director with the same salary, nor the two people below him who were angry, subjective women with a vendetta against men. I have talked to a few people about taking care of my boys, 12 and almost 14, should something ‘accidental’ happen to me. I’m doing my best to prepare whereas I was taken unawares and unprepared, trusting and naive before.

As a result, I am working to learn all I can about how to file a class action law suit, how to do legal research, and get to the truth of how to fight injustice, especially North Carolina, as that is my true home, and where I spent the majority of my life. I love the mountains of NC, and hope to have a permaculture based school there for special needs’ children. I had just started my Masters in Special Ed when this happened in 2009.

So, if you are someone who has truly been abused by CPS, especially men falsely accused in North Carolina, or you do pro-bono work, or know how to find someone who has knowledge of how to fight this system, please email me at chicanogets113years@gmail.com

If you are someone who feels ashamed, sad, hurt or abused by this system, and just want to talk, I am here.

In the meantime, I wrote a formal grievance to CPS in Guilford County two weeks ago, and I am going to start the research for legal retribution for the wrongs they’ve committed, even if I have to represent Daniel and I by myself. I will no longer rest while reading stories of how poor and middle class people’s families are being destroyed to line others’ pocket books. I will start posting segments of this grievance tonight.

Thank you for all who stop by, and for those who pray for all of us.

For those who are spying on me because you are guilty of destroying my family, I pray for you, as well. My God is the judge in the end, and offers a more lasting consequence than any you could lash upon this tired body.

Blessings and love,

Rochelle, Atsila Agisdii, Fire Eater – One who eats the pain of others

I wonder if they miss us

I truly miss our family. Even with all of the problems.

I had a dream last night that I was out of seg and had a visitor.

I entered the busy visitation room with all of the noise and bustle, and looked all around for you.

Then I heard, “Daddy”! I turned around and there she was, even though I knew immediately.

She had that same squeal just as she used to when I came home from work.

It seemed so real to see her, and she had brought a young man with her, as well.

I wonder if she was thinking about me; if she and my other two sons miss all of the things we used to do as a family, all of the trips and soccer games and wrestling with her brothers and riding her horse, the trips to the beach you’d save up for so we could all go, the times we’d drive to the mountains of NC and cut down our own Christmas tree and drink hot cider and spend the night. It all seems so far away and dreamlike, now.

I miss my children, Shel. All of them. Even after all of the trouble, hurt and pain they have caused; they have been through so much. When I would throw them all around in the pool, she would do the same thing.

It is so hard to be in this position, of hurt, anger and love, and then the misery of being here, the alienation of it all. I wonder if the nightmare will ever end.

I got a copy of the two grievances you wrote and posted to each of the administrative emails, as well as the governor today.

I know I have to keep writing these sick calls, and these requests for my long johns, but it feels so hopeless. The requests never go anywhere. I can’t even have a chair, for Pete’s sake. Would that be so hard to do? I am not violent. The throbbing doesn’t ever go fully away, and the pain is still too sharp after I start to stretch or do any exercise. And, now, in addition to all of my clothes I am lying under seven sheets and 2 blankets. I still haven’t gotten any help with the sick call from November 14th. So, they say I must write another request. I filled out another 490 for the long johns.

Well, later they led me out of here in hand cuffs, a belly chain and foot shackles to medical tonight just before 10 p.m. They took my blood pressure through 2 shirt jackets, 3 shirts, and I wonder how accurate that will be! The lead nurse started asking questions about my level of pain, which I said changes depending on whether or not I try to move. All they do is have me to lie down and mash a little around the now closed incision, and tell me that I am fine. They are doing no internal diagnostics.

I couldn’t believe they were doing anything at all, so I asked if they were seeing me because of a letter that had been written on my behalf. Of course they say, ‘no’.  If so, why was I being seen this late at night, and not by the regular day shift? I asked to see my blood work results, but all they say is that it was ‘fine’.  I asked how I could still be this cold, but they never have and answer.

It’s obvious that your calls and letters/emails are making them very uncomfortable. I just want you to know that what you are doing is great. Don’t lose heart…

Good morning. Well, I was taken once more to medical, at 9 a.m. and they wouldn’t allow me to wear my shirt jackets to walk through the prison. Another new, arbitrary rule to keep us confused, I guess. My temperature is again below normal, 97.5. I told the doctor that I still had odd swelling, and he says I could have issues for up to six months. This makes no sense. I told him that it was nothing like this before, and the pain seems to be coming from all over.

I asked him for help with the long johns, as medical has to write them up, and he said there would not be any coming from medical. I looked at the nurse who knew that she had just told you recently that the 490 had to be written from medical and then the doctor said medical was not in the business of handing out thermals. I guess this is retaliation for your writing the medical grievance. Even the CO couldn’t believe it. So, here I am, back in my cell, cold, and there are other inmates with 490s for thermals.

Well, I didn’t get my package so   tried to sleep, but couldn’t. The guys were all opening their food packages, and the ones that didn’t have them were trying to trade with the others.  I received your card and letters. They make me cry. It’s been s hard to be away from you. I have been so emotional. You have been such a blessing.

May God be part of your Every Decision

 I hope you and the readers don’t mind that I just seem to jump from topic to topic. I work so hard to stay focused in here, but it gets so hard at times. I never thought this was going to be as bad it is becoming.  I read the bible, and all of the things you send me, but there’s so little to occupy my time. It would be so great if some folks would write to me. I don’t mind answering any questions, or just corresponding. Will you give them my address?  I enjoy looking at the blog excerpts you send me, and am really surprised that people are reading this. I just do the best I can to get through these days, and to learn all I can so as to be a better person and to make a difference in the world and to help my children heal, as God allows us to reconnect.

Let’s see, today.November 23rd, I’ve been in here 84 days. It has been great to at least hear what is going on in the world through others. The Tarheels won today, 8-20, a football game! Appalachian State also did great 24-0 against WNCU at halftime.

I put in yet another request form for medical to let me have thermals. I just stay cold in here, and with the pain, it is bad. They are the only one who can administer the 490 for them. I just took a shower and feel so much better. I don’t understand why they won’t let us bathe everyday. They have plenty of personnel to do so. I mean, I do understand that it is a form of punishment, but to what end? I’m hungry, and have one more peanut butter and jelly sandwich, so will eat that here at 10 p.m. and write more later…

11/24/13

I was listening to 106.9 and the Christian music has more power than ever before, for some reason. I started crying this morning listening, just raising my hands, swaying back and forth and singing. It was so meaningful to hear God’s word, and to feel His love filling my heart. Without Him, I’d not have the strength to continue. I can do nothing in my own strength. I will fail every time, but realizing this and confessing this to God, believing in his Son will give me true strength and power. This truly lifts my Spirit, which is the power of Jesus in me.

The after affects of this entire incident from August 31 has been horrible. I now see that they’ve added 15, yes 15 years to my sentence because I didn’t want to suffocate in a prison cell, and asked for a CO to do something about the lack of moving air, and they’ve given me 24 points. I will be forced to do almost a year in isolation and continued to be punished for two or three more years afterward!

I still can’t over being so cold…I am in a building and have to wear 3 shirts, 2 shirt jackets, and pants, and my feet are still cold!

I just want to wish you all a wonderful Thanksgiving, and be sure to be thankful for all that you have-there’s always someone out there doing far worse. I will continue to write more of what God is teaching me in my next letters. May God be part of your every decision.

Trust Him, and He will not fail you!

There’s No One but God to ask for help in here

KJV Exodus 23:25.
And ye shall serve the LORD your God, and he shall bless thy bread, and thy water; and I will take sickness away from the midst of thee.
– King James Bible

11-2-13

I love the way your letters smell! (Do I tell you this every time?)
These lights are very bright; get woken up every day, the same time, with lights burning on and time for feed (4:30). I hate the way they turn these lights on, and then off(10 p.m.)
It has been cold today. I wish I could get a shirt jacket. They don’t want to give or do anything to help us. at all. I’m even wearing two shirts, two pairs of socks, and pants. I’ve felt down all day due to this coldness.
I’m trying to find a way to get some Q-tips, ink pens, and Lever 2000 soap. That means I have to look for someone who has just come into seg before they see the DHO. Then, I will also have to buy it. The little state bar they give us doesn’t really work, and makes my whole body break out.

When we ‘fish’ and it is far away, we have to work together to get it from one place to another. Then when they get back to regular population, it’s each for himself.

11/3/13

I finished writing both of the boys a letter. I worry about how you are holding it together, and if they will have to be sent away. They have been through so much, and are holding it together as good as they can, but they could straighten up a lot of their behavior.

It is still sooo cold, but mainly my feet, even with two pairs of socks. I wish I could figure it out; it’s not like me to not be able to get warm.

11/14/13

I’ve not been well in mind.  I thought I was just being depressed, but at day 75, I am slowly losing my feel on things.

I have to get closer to God, strengthen my relationship with Him so I can hear Him speak. I think now that I am being attacked to keep that from happening. Just as Daniel prayed and fasted for 20 days before the archangel Michael was able to break through to deliver God’s message to him.

The nurse came today, along with the doctor. They came because I wrote a request form for more Ibuprofen because of the pain. He looked at my incision and said it was healing well. He asked me where it hurt, and was poking around and he just said that sometimes nerves are hit and it takes longer to heal. He’s going to prescribe some more pain medicine, like Advil. I asked him why I was staying so cold; I explained that I’d never had this feeling before I lost all of the blood after surgery. He said he would have my blood looked at to see if I was anemic. Sounds like they already knew that’s what had happened, but they just weren’t going to do anything about it.

I’ve asked for vitamins because I feel so lethargic. I just don’t feel like myself. I miss you so much. It makes me cry. The loneliness is starting to really think in. I guess. Louvonda wrote me a letter and said my package request was rejected, and they sent her back her money. The lawyer has called her to say that the investigator was sick, and that was why he wasn’t reporting anything back.

I still haven’t received anything for the pain, and I have the shakes and my head pounds. Don’t know what is going on, maybe I have a fever. I only have God to ask for help…

Work with What you Have, Thanking God for it

No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.”
1 Corinthians 10:13 ESV

10/29/13

It was so great to get a card from you today. The letters from the boys were great!

I really need to hear from you and the boys. I so miss their personalities; being apart has brought much sadness to my soul. They have helped me to grow and I hate I had to be apart from everyone to understand this!

The Chaplain came to see me, and he couldn’t believe how long I would be in here. He seemed very concerned. Jesus i with me, so I will just do the best I can with it all. I’ve learned so much about how closed off I’ve become with people, even in my Christian fellowship. I’m now ready to embrace each person without shame, as God taught us to do; to have faith in God.

10/30/13

Your visit was just what I needed, even with so many distractions around us. You were able to communicate what you wanted. Your love means so much to me, especially in isolation. I thought it was bad in population; not even close. My wound really started to hurt after you left.  began to burn and ache deep inside. It still hurts even now, at 10 p.m. It fills my heart to know just how much love you send me each day. Thank you so much!

When doing all of the grievances and writing, just do it as you are able. I think you are doing too much. And, it will burn you out. So, pace yourself and allow God to create the timing. Let the words flow like the living water of Jesus; to push things will only bring frustration. You’re doing a great job, so please know that I appreciate it very much!

I’ve put in a sick call for vitamins and fish oil, as I can no longer buy them.

11/1/13

I’ve got to stop all of the negative thinking. It’s hard to stay positive with so much that is ugly around you. The negative vibes never stop coming. You can only ignore so much. I got my wallet today, three weeks later, and she didn’t order my package until 10/24, so most likely I won’t be allowed to get it.

I didn’t write any yesterday, as I was all out of whack. The operation site seems to hurt more and more every night. During the day it doesn’t hurt as badly. I did get all of my newspapers this week. I’m reading everything you send, trying to learn as much as I can. I would love to take some English courses for grammar; as my spelling sucks! lol…

Last night it hurt so bad inside that it felt like something was being pulled out of me. But it didn’t hurt today. The pain comes and goes and it doesn’t make sense.

You really seem to have a clearer idea of how you want to proceed. Something has changed in you; there is so much confidence! You are evolving, and I love you so much! I know I was angry alot in our marriage. Hell, most of the time, I didn’t know why…I didn’t feel appreciated, I guess, like I had to do everything or it wouldn’t get done. But, you were having a hard time with your condition (Asperger’s) handling all of the things that were being thrown at you. You needed a man to support you as the head of the house, and I often acted as a child. You needed a man to help you with what you were going through, one to stand by you, working together to solve the household problems. You deserved better of me and some days I did better, but others were bad.

11/2/13

We both had to learn on the go, and I never had a good role model. I knew I wanted to do better than my family had done. But, to be honest, I don’t think I did a very good job. I tried to hard to give my family a better life, as poverty isn’t a great place. We were trying so hard, I believe we forgot where we came from. Now, we are both in poverty. I believe we both had to go back to this situation to better understand how just how hard it was for our parents to make ends meet. Until we can feel and understand that again, and learn to make due with what we have, and make it last, we won’t receive more.

So, work with what you have, thanking God for it, and He will give us more as we learn to handle these trials. I can see this working even now, more clearly in your life. Continue asking for guidance and follow His direction. Things are improving in God’s time, not ours…

 

It is so cold behind concrete…

10/21/13

I am glad to hear that the Innocence Clinic is still working on my case, as it’s been almost a year since

Inside these four walls, the sun doesn’t shine

you took them the files. Maybe they have more options to approach than the one in Raleigh, as there was no DNA at all to compare because I never did anything. Many states have had to go back and compare those on death row with past evidence, and many of these men are getting exonerated. Without any evidence, why am I even here to begin with, other than words of an angry woman pushing damaged children? Only God knows how long these things will take to come together, I just need to find a way to do God’s will.

I need to keep improving myself, and my communication skills so that I can speak more effectively about what needs to be done, as well as what is happening. I’ve asked God to give me the confidence to speak for Him, so I’m just waiting to be able to gain the ability to speak clearly and well. This pen is almost out of ink. I only had five pens, and I can’t buy any as I’m not allowed to use canteen until February. I hope they all hold out.

10/23/13

I was driven to an outside facility for a post-op check up and the doctor said I was healing fine and removed my staples. I do get to use the wheelchair in between at least, as I am hand/leg cuffed when walking about. The doctor said not to lift anything heavy, so I asked what was heavy to him. He said a gallon of milk…he said to be sure and not stretch my body much for the next six weeks. The only thing I’m lifting right now is myself, so I will do my best to be careful.

It was so great to be out and able to feel the sun; it was only for a few minutes, but nice, as I hadn’t been outside in a few weeks. Some of the small things, like just being outside and feeling the sun’s rays, is so important. Inside we can’t feel anything, and it is so cold behind concrete. Just to see God’s creations that the Sun helps to grow is not appreciated. It brings joy to so many people. We feel so sickly, hidden away from everyone. We ask ‘why’, but we must wait for God’s time, and accept that he is in control…but, I do miss it so much, the Sun.

I’ve been more hungry than usual, and I’m not working out. I did get your letter today, which was great, as well as the other two. I got the paper you ordered for about two weeks, and then I didn’t get it at all last week. Don’t know why.

 

 

We just packed up whatever we had, threw the kids in the car, and drove…

Well, they won’t be giving me any more pain meds.

I got my last one today at 3:30. 10-21-13.

So, when they change my bandage tonight I will ask for some Ibuprofen for the pain.

I thought it would be longer for the pain relief being that they cut me so much, but I’ll be fine.

I can remember grumbling all the way, until we got on the ferry. The statue was so beautiful…

I’m tougher than I give myself credit for. Now that this is behind me, I can work on getting my health back on track. Working harder to lose this weight, so I will start running again, once I can get back outside. Looks like that might not be until sometime in February. I also need to start working on my brain more. See, if you can find some courses for inmates; it doesn’t have to be for credit. Anything that will help my mind to improve. I don’t mind asking my cousin to pay for the courses, if I can just get her to write me back.

I can’t wait to see you again. I pray that they only give me close observation so that we can see each other on Saturday mornings, but I don’t think they will change the Wed. visits until I get back to regular population again. But, then I wouldn’t have to wear the arm and leg chains, I think.

I just want to be back in your arms. I don’t think you will be able to come this week. It sounded like it would be on the 30th. Either way is fine. I know it is hard to drive four hours round trip to see me behind glass for one hour, and is hard on the car to drive from one set of mountains to the other. Be sure to get the oil changed, and new front tires before this hard mountain winter hits. I miss being there for you, fixing the car, changing the brakes every 50k miles because you would drive the car to death to make sure the kids got to go on all of these crazy trips you’d make us take so they could get “life experiences” you called it…I can remember grumbling all the way to NYC to take the ferry and drag all five kids up the steps of the statue of Liberty when we lived in PA…riding the elevator to the top of the Empire State Building, and the views…God, you ‘made’ us experience so much. We couldn’t even pay the rent on time that month. But, I will never forget those times, and the kids were so proud to be able to go to school and share their pictures, and to know all of that information about our country’s start…

I would drag the cooler out of the attic, and help you make a ton of sandwiches, crackers, drinks, apples…we just packed up whatever we had and threw the kids in the car and drove. We drove all over the place to give those kids a piece of the American dream. You knew, far better than me how to give those kids, and me, a chance at knowledge, a chance to enjoy our lives a little more. All the special needs of each child, my own needs, even though I fought you, kicking and screaming on those nice Saturdays or Sundays when I wanted to lie around looking at football or woodworking shows, DYI…you were so stubborn…reading, teaching us before each trip about where we were going, why it was important, and what we were expected to know about it…even me…

Well, I’m going to try to get these pages out tonight so, Good night my love! You’re beautiful.

I will try to imagine you next to me all night…