So you want me to write on relationships? (Men, are you looking for, or wanting, a woman?)


Dear Shel,

I finally got your letters on the fourth. I guess they are holding on to them to aggravate me, as well as to keep our correspondance lagging. This way it can cause frustration, and keep us from being up to date on occurences.

We’ll just plow on as best we can.

When you’re talking about CW(the chicken whisperer) and his ‘girlfriend’, here are some things to consider.

She is young, 12, so stop trying to analyze everthing. She probably looks to you as a role model, so just be that for her.

Talk to my son about getting a bath everyday. At 13, he should know better. She probably doesn’t want to get too close because he isn’t bathing regularly and putting on deoderant. (hey, that could be a good thing!)

Just be welcoming and don’t put pressure on her to act a certain way. Also, don’t put pressure on CW, either, because it will only push him harder to her, and will cause issues with him and you later. It will change next year as he goes on to high school. Tell him to send me any questions and I will be glad to talk to him, I don’t care what it’s about. Tell this to both of the boys, as they are older now, and need to talk about more ‘adult’ stuff. But, you don’t need to get involved and try to read their letters if they send them.

Sometimes they don’t want mamma to know…

So, you want me to start writing about relationships?                 

It is hard to know where to start, as it really depends       sex, men, women, God, relationships

on whether or not the man is “looking for” or just “wants” a woman.

You see, when we met, I was looking for a good woman. Even though I currently had a woman, it wasn’t the type of relationship that I really wanted.

So, first off,  men need to understand what they want.

If they are “wanting”, then they will attract ‘loose’ women, which is what the men most likely are, as well.

Men, you need to consider this in your dating process.

A man should honor himself so that he can value honoring a woman. Men should also step up, and take control of their own emotions, look to God for support through The Word, and form support groups through other like-minded men. For younger men, that would men finding older men in secure, happy relationships.

I don’t care where you find ’em, just find ’em. You might be surprised what you could learn from talking to different men at your jobs.  I can remember that many men where I worked, in construction, had crappy sex lives, and they often blamed the women. How can you blame women when you aren’t willing to step up and take responsibility for  the relationship?

And, I am not talking about using pressure or force on your woman, either! I mean, take responsibility for holding up your part of the deal. You must be confident, knowledgeable, and what you don’t know how to do, admit it, and then find answers.

I know you hate to hear it, but if you would turn to the bible for some of your problems, you would find really good, modern answers on how to live your life! Modern advice on sex, relationships, how to handle confrontations, how to handle money, answers to your health and diet issues, as well as how to treat yourself and others. There is really some valuable stuff in there.

I learned the hard way, but I am, and have been, getting it.

When you are confident, exuding a calm, caring manner, it makes a woman feel safe. She can relax around you when you keep your tone down, move with slow, easy movements, comfort and console here when she is stressed.

We need to be clear about who we are, honest and upfront in our dealings. If she doesn’t like it from the get-go, then she can move along to someone else. You will both be better for it.

Talking together, communication, starts great bonds of trust for the future. You must both be able to trust, so men, be trustworthy from the beginning. When there are problems, talk them out immediately, and, as the bible says, don’t let the sun go down on your anger. You should never go to bed if either of you are angry.

25Wherefore putting away lying, speak every man truth with his neighbour: for we are members one of another. 26Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath, Ephesians 4:25-26

A woman who is not at peace is like a covered pot left simmering on the stove. She will boil over if not tended to, so don’t lie to her; share your grievance, and give her a chance to share hers. Be honest from the beginning, and she will respect you, and she will feel free to tell her side of things. This will make for a deeper, more commited relationship.

Men, be better listeners. You don’t always have to be busy thinking about how to ‘fix’ things. Women really just want someone to listen to them; they need to unload all of their stress. They are ‘venting’, and it helps them to feel better. This doesn’t mean she thinks you are always the problem, she sees you as her friend, and friends listen to each other. You should value what the woman has to say, and to care for, and have respect for her needs.

1 Peter 3:7  Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing  honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with  you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be  hindered.

So much of this I learned later, and I had a good woman to help lead me, kicking and screaming to the truth.

Listening is a great tool for men to understand how to communicate with women, as well as giving her quality time.

Don’t just come home and plop down on the couch, and then expect sex later that night in the bed.

men, women, relationships, faith

Don’t expect to lie around and get great sex later on…

Never assume that she is “all right”, but work to understand her needs.

This is the key to a fulfilling sexual relationship, as well.

Women need more time to warm up to your needs, as they are busy multi-tasking, and handle stress much differently than we do. Whereas we compartmentalize our issues, tackling one thing at a time, a woman is aware of ten different things at once, and they need help focusing. If you want to get good sex then, you must give it.

I wanted sex every day, several times a day, but I comprimised with my wife, and we always made time for sex about 4-6 times a week. I didn’t understand until later that most men are lucky if they get if 4 or 5 times a month. Understand men, that if you aren’t willing to take control and deal with your needs, as well as discussing hers in an honest and flexible way, it will be very hard to have a pleasing and wonderful sex life that satisfies you both.

Women need and want a lot of hands on loving, to feel cherished, and to hear you say how much you feel for them while you attending to their bodies. Look at the book of Solomon.

God wants us to have sexual intimacy, and we are intended to start with spiritual intimacy, and then we nurture the physical and friend aspects, and the three together create love. We must then begin by nurturing and unconditionally loving ourselves. When we are healthy, our love is healthy, and it is easily recognized by others, and causes your partner much security and joy.

Song of Sol. 2 vs. 3 “I sat down in his shade with great delight,” and then, vs. 4, “…his banner over me was love.”

Rulers had these huge, beautiful, intimidating banners that could be seen far and wide across the plains before and during battle, or when he was on the move. For Solomon’s woman here to sit in the shade of his love is a huge deisre for women. She felt protected, cherished, and on display as his for all the world to see. This is important for women, as well as important that other men see your banner over her, that she is ‘off limits’, and belongs to only you. A man can tell when a woman is pleased by her man, and when she is in love, and will back off.

Is this starting to make sense? I’m really tired now, from thinking on all of that, I wrote about 3 pgs in 45 minutes, so I’m going to take a break and write more on Solomon later, but I will come back to it.Promise.


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