I’m starting to feel more value and worth…

1/24/14

They posted here recently that if any inmate is found with extra clothing, he will be subject to disciplinary action.

So my request has gotten some attention along with your past emails.

The heat has also been adjusted now to be more comfortable, I’m not currently freezing.

So, God is moving these people to do more right for us. But, I had to put my extra clothes in the dirty clothes pickup, so as not to get a false ‘charge’, except for my extra sheets. This is yet another form of God getting me to further trust Him for all of my needs. As I’m writing, I’m only in boxers and a t-shirt. That is a first here for the winter. I did take a shower, and I feel fine, even though it is supposed to get down to 5 degrees tonight. Normally the cold would be unbearable.

I received your letter today, and I rejoice in the Lord for all that He has done, using you to help so many of us here through your letters and blog posts. I’ve continued to struggle to work out, and am up to 3 sets of 35 pushups, squats, 75 toe touches, crunches, leg lifts, and some planks. I used to do so much more, but it is a start; even 3 months later, but praise God! The biggest thing is the jump from numbness to sharp pains and back, even below the bend in my leg all the way up to my groin. I’ve written a grievance, but nothing is done. They don’t care…what are you spraying on these letters, it’s driving me crazy! I can’t wait to hold you in my arms again. I miss your cooking…I want to hold you so badly…My heart longs for you day and night…why won’t you write me some of your poetry, you are so good at putting your heart into words on the page?

Thank you so much again for the SAT prep black book. It’s so full of wonderful help. Giving me a better understanding keeps me from being so scared. All my life I’ve been scared of taking tests. Mostly because I never could grasp concepts the teachers were teaching. I wasn’t favored by any of my teachers in either middle or high school. I guess I just assumed I didn’t have the brains to be in school. It kept me fearful of further education;  I just worked with my hands. The hands-on learning gave me better understanding of concepts that I’m currently learning. For the first time I’m excited to have this chance to learn, and to start a new chapter in my life. Maybe this will help my children to see the importance of continuing their education if I can be successful.

I wasn’t Allowed to Speak, and it haunts me, still

All five of them were placed, higgeldy, piggeldy

on the big green lawn tractor.
How they loved, would BEG for rides around the yard,
and you held them all, in some fashion, so that
no one got jealous, even the baby.

You would never know that two years had been spent in court costs – the savings, the Roth,

our minds, our souls in fighting to get custody of these three children that time forgot.

You were so afraid the judge wouldn’t give you all 3, so you agreed to let your ex keep the five year old.

The oldest, nine, didn’t even know all the letters of the alphabet, or what an orange was.

It took two years of homeschooling, sweat, tears, and sheer grit to teach those children.

None could write or spell.

That same summer, when the youngest boy, six, was dropped off in the front, with nothing but the clothes

on his back, and flip-flops for his visit, we got a phone call a few minutes later (she never got out the car).

“You can have him.” It’s all she said. Besides, she needed some time apart from her boyfriend.

I’m beginning to understand why the judge wouldn’t let me take the stand.