I miss coming home, even if you did yell about the kids

September 17, 2013

Dear Shel,

I’ve been waiting on mail from anyone and haven’t gotten any yet. Tomorrow is mom’s birthday, and she would be 60. I don’t know why I’m writing this to you or why I’m writing at all. They came today and are charging me with an A-02 and a C-03. So, I disobeyed a direct order, but they didn’t explain what the A was for. I guess I will lose all of my privileges. I won’t find out what I’ll be given for punishment yet until lost love, prison, hope, inspiration I go before the DHO. I’ve worried myself so much that I think now all of my hair is grey, as well as some of my beard. We have no rights to defend ourselves from an administration that wants to show its force constantly. That is what is really going on.

9-18

Well, I went before the DHO today and pled not guilty of ensuing a riot. And they found me guilty, anyway. so, they gave me 60 days of seg, 50 hours of extra duty, and suspended for 180 days my – phone, canteen and radio privileges with 6 months of limited canteen draw. And I was told I could appeal my offense to the Director of Div. Adult Correction, George T. Solomon in Raleigh, NC.

I don’t know if this is even worth trying, because the system only works against inmates. So, I guess I just need to do this stint and keep even more to myself than before. They just needed to make examples of us to the other inmates. You know, it’s funny, because I told them, that as inmates we don’t have rights. A person can leave their dog in the car on a warm day and get in more trouble than the C.O.’s who who leave us locked down with no air conditioning, locked down for 2 1.2 hours at at time.

Well, they came and got me for a visit today, and I was handcuffed with a block chained around my waist, and then ankle cuffs. They don’t even wait to see if the visitor is there, they just bring you up for ten minutes and you wait. After that, you’re sent back. I guess that was you, and you weren’t able to come. I hope you didn’t get here late, as that have really made you mad.

I got a letter from the lawyer, so that’s good. I got your mail but no copies of what was happening at the other prison.

You know the prisoners have cause so many problems for themselves. They used to have more freedom, but some people messed that up. We haven’t even been outside since I told you about last week. A week!

We need people to complain about the prison here, how it is run, and to call Raleigh. The more complaints, the more pressure it puts on them. You and others need to tell higher ups about how you are treated when you come to visit. The guards even get harassed when they are at work, and aren’t given time off for doctor visits or other time off. That is why so many guards have quit.

You still need to look to God for guidance in teaching the children and to give you Hope. He’s waiting for you to surrender yourself and let Him take the wheel in trusting His ways. Help the children to better understand His ways. Stop running from Him and look towards Him.

I love you and miss you so much. I love to read your letters no matter what is in them. I miss coming home and you would start yelling and would be all frazzled at the kids and your nose would wrinkle up and you would grit your teeth. And, I would have to grab you and hold you, and calm you down, and then I would take the kids. I miss the way you wouldn’t have on a bra sometimes from being home all day, and when I pushed you up against me I could feel your breasts against my chest.

I miss it all. I love you and the boys.

Chicano

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