I creid when I couldn’t come to see you yesterday. I had enough gas to get there, but no money to get home. It is so difficult to balance what to do versus what to let wait, as so many things need tending to. Especially after I called Mrs. ‘x’, and she said they had decided to charge you with an ‘A3’ because they felt you were disobeying their orders. I guess that didn’t want to have to fix the A/C unit, huh?
You have to know that you are not alone in this. The men in Central Prison who wouldn’t work anymore after all of the days and hours, back to back, they are in there, too. We have to make a difference somehow, even though I am not sure how we will, yet.
It will be very horrible for you to go to I-Con for six months, and I know it is a form of mind control, torture, and abuse, as well as the hopes that you guys will do them all a favor and go crazy and kill yourselves. You must see that this is God’s way of putting you in the lion’s den, as the stone is being rolled over the door, and you will be cast in darkness. But remember, the angel appeared before Daniel, and not a hair on his head was harmed. You are a voice now, in a place where there is only silence, and suffering, isolation.
I pray each night for help, and a push from God to help the lawyer to get a move on with your motion for freedom. I do small healing exercises for you each night, sending energy, healing and strength.
I feel you on my pillow as I lie down now, and there is a warmth beside me that reminds me of you, and makes me feel tha tyou can feel it, too. That’s why the meditation is so important; it will bind us closer together. I try to close my eyes and remember what it was like in the beginning, fourteen years ago. When we danced that first time in the little country bar that my friends dragged me to, I remember how you danced across the floor to me, with that little sideways smile and shiny cheeks. When you touched me, it was like you knew me, from a time before this, that we had experienced each other many times before.
There was an electricity to your hands, a little shock when you slid your fingers across my collarbone, and then you leaned in to kiss my neck and it was as if time stood still, and you pressed yourself against me, one hand in my hair, the other around my waist, I’d never had a man move against me like that!
I remember closing my eyes, and seeing symbols in my head, temple of the dog, letters of some forgotten language, and men in headresses and golden jewelry. Then I realized you were Latino! Oh! You didn’t look it to the average person, but I knew, inside of me, and it called like a whisper, a current of emotion, and when we kissed, it was like being on fire! There was a country ballad playing then, was it George Strait? but your tongue was in my mouth, and your hips were moving against mine, calling me, and I knew that I had to have you, it had been so long since I was with a man, keeping to myself, locked away, and I wanted to explode from all of the sensations!
You have always affected me this way, even after that first time when we finally made love, a hard, passionate, roughness that forced me out my numbness and sadness and made me come ALIVE, a love that demanded every inch of my body and opened my heart to experiencing you. A Latino demands it all – as he is earth, fire, water and air, rolled into one! The pounding that my body got as the bed went across the hard wood floor from one wallof the room to the other, night after night, and I experienced things I never thought possible!
I can remember lying in bed with you afterwards, waking a few hours later and staring at the ceiling while currents would go through my body, remembering your love making. My face would be tender and scratched from your little goatee’ also my neck and throat. If I would roll over and put my hands and lips all over you, it was always easy to rouse you for more. It was like you had an urgency all your own, a need that I was filling for you, as well.
When I found out I was pregnant four months later, you were so mad and I was so scared, but let’s not dwell on those times. Just remember how it was when he finally came out, two weeks overdue, tired and wrinkly, and his little wide, brown eyes blinked at you for the first time, and when you touched and felt that thick, dark Mexican/Indian hair on his little misshapen head, still a little bloody from being born. He was wrapped in the same type of blanket as all the other little babies, and looked like a monkey, all swaddled and quiet, and you saw a little you looking back – just remember those feelings when you are hungry, in the dark, and afraid.
When you hear the other inmates scream in isolation, crying or hurting themselves in the deep, dark nights of your soul, remember that I am here, praying for you, sending you light, love and healing energy.
Know that I will not rest until the truth is out and I can be alone with you again as husband and wife deserve to be.