I went outside today into the dog cage. They are much bigger for the most part that I had said. They are 15 x 12 x 10, but there are some here about half of that. It was very warm being 9 a.m., and we were able to stay outside for an hour. I’ll go out again, if they let me.
Today Mrs. ‘x’ and co came to my cell and told me that they’re asking for an extension on the investigation of my lock up to now be for 45 days.
She also said that you have been calling. Thank you for the calls. I need the support. My morale is low. The loneliness is overwhelming. I didn’t think it would be all that bad being away from people. Wow. You’re in a cell for 24 hours a day most time, and only out for one hour and fifteen minutes, others. That’s also when we get a shower. You can only do so many word searches and I can’t do the self work in my inner child book because I’m supposed to use a tape recorder. You also need a quiet place, and that’s not here.
I hope you forgive me for being the way I was. My love for you is just so damn strong. It’s hard for me to accept you being with someone else. I do believe that I’m here to learn another lesson. But, I think I am failing.
My moral strength isn’t what it used to be. Having to be on guard all the time around the other inmates takes so much out of my mental state.
It’s 4:10 p.m. now and this morning at 10 a.m. I was walked back by Sgt. and I told him about wanting an extra pillow for my back. He said to have someone remind him, and he would have it done. Well, I reminded him, and then again at 3:25 p.m.
I miss so much talking to you. Even though that most of time what I did was listen. Just hearing your voice meant so much to me. Our closeness was beyond what I could see at the time. We knew each other so well, but yet we still have so much more to learn. I yearn for you so much more than I thought I would. I must have kept myself busier than I thought out there. My heart hurts so much without you.
Thanks be to God I got a pillow at 5:30. I’ve got to started on my workout. I’ve decided to back down from what I was doing because of the hernia. I now do 250 each of pushups, jumping jacks, squats, from 500 each, and 50 each of side bends and toe touches, and 100 standing bicycles, as well as stretching. Don’t pushups really hurts.
They gave me some new clothes at 6, and let me take a shower. I feel much better when I can get my shower.
Mrs. ‘x’ said you asked about visitation. I hope you’re not going to come here and see me behind glass. You’re already in financial turmoil as it is. I guess I’ll just have to wait and see if you come or not.
I was able to get some much needed sleep. I’ve not been sleeping well, and I thought it was from the mat, but it was because of the noise!
I put ear plugs back in, and slept until 9 a.m. I hadn’t been getting but about 3 hours of sleep a night, so this is great!
I hope you’re doing well with your blogs and work. I know it is a lot to do, but you will be successful!
How is all of your other school coming along? Are you going to be able to start a job nearby soon?
I’ll write more later. Love, Chicano