September 8, 2013
No, I’ve never doubted how much you and the boys loved me.
It’s just part of my inner child’s abandonment issues.
Over so many years I’ve always pushed away so not to get hurt so bad.
I could always find replacements or drink it away.
Now, I’ve been forced to feel and realize how much it truly hurts.
Letting you go was so hard and I’ve really never been able to…
I know you loved me unconditionally now more than ever.
I couldn’t see past my own issues. And I’ve learned that I also love you unconditionally.
I don’t want you to change who you are or what you have to do to survive.
You writing those naughty things don’t frustrate me, it just reminds me of what I’m missing.
I would love to life there, skin on skin, sweat sticking from making love.
Licking you all over, not stopping until you squirm to get away.
I’ve got to stop my self pity workshop and have more faith in God.
I’m going to need so much help when I get out of here to overcome all the things from my childhood.
Yes, I do want to get out of here as soon as possible, I just know how slow other people work, and I don’t want to put pressure on anything so that something gets missed.
Today I’m going to listen to the Carolina Panthers play the Seattle Sea Hawks. Do the boys ever watch football like we used to?
I’m listening to Billy Graham right now, he is talking about the Prodigal Son. He doesn’t sound like the other preachers.
I love you so much and miss you each and every day that I’m away from you.
Let the boys know I love and miss them, too.